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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to handle an older child pushing your baby

25 replies

Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 14:56

Hi! Just looking to see if how I handled this situation is the same as most would, or not.

I took my one-year-old to an indoor soft play today and he was busy pottering around. He’s just learning to walk so is unsteady on his feet. An older child, approximately four years old, started to play near him. Absolutely fine.

She then approached him and pushed him. I was approximately six feet away (in the play area so I could keep a close eye on DS) and I said “No, don’t push him.” The child immediately pushed DS again and he fell over. I went straight over, said “Don’t push him please, that’s not very nice,” picked DS up and walked away with him.

Two ladies who had been sat at a table overheard this and came over to the older child to take her away and one of them apologised for her behaviour, to which I replied that it was ok. The child came back over to DS a few times but the parent/caregiver was monitoring her more closely and kept her at a distance.

The ladies who were with the older child acted the way I would if the roles were reversed, and there were no further issues. I was just wondering if most would have acted the way I did or if anyone would take offence to someone saying anything to your child? I did not raise my voice and was not rude, but her caregiver wasn’t there to tell her to stop at the moment she was pushing DS.

YABU - it should have been handled differently
YANBU - situation handled well

OP posts:
modgepodge · 07/10/2022 14:59

You did exactly the right thing, as did the other parents by the sounds of it. Nothing you can do to prevent it really, 4 year olds are still learning.

WhenDovesFly · 07/10/2022 15:00

I would have done the same OP. If I couldn't identify in the moment who the caregivers were I'd also have asked the child politely not to push my child.

You hear so often of other parents/carers being rude in response, so it's nice to hear the caregivers of the other child were apologetic, polite and more observant afterwards.

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/10/2022 15:04

Sounds like everyone behaved as they should.

Skinnermarink · 07/10/2022 15:06

No, of course you tell the child not to do that. You were on the scene. I absolutely wouldn’t, and haven’t hesitated to do the same.

Original poster
Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 15:06

WhenDovesFly · 07/10/2022 15:00

I would have done the same OP. If I couldn't identify in the moment who the caregivers were I'd also have asked the child politely not to push my child.

You hear so often of other parents/carers being rude in response, so it's nice to hear the caregivers of the other child were apologetic, polite and more observant afterwards.

This is exactly why I posted. When the ladies came over, I wondered whether I was going to get a gob full for saying something to the child .. but they handled it exactly the way I would have, and DS wasn’t hurt so no issue.

OP posts:
Grandeur · 07/10/2022 15:06

Are you being deliberately naive, OP? Of course nothing was wrong with what you said Confused

CrapBag39 · 07/10/2022 15:07

It’s fine, you handled it fine, they handled it fine. Non event.

Skinnermarink · 07/10/2022 15:09

So, no one was unreasonable

Original poster
Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 15:10

Grandeur · 07/10/2022 15:06

Are you being deliberately naive, OP? Of course nothing was wrong with what you said Confused

Not at all. As another poster has mentioned, there are parents who will take offence to you saying anything at all to their child. I reacted in the way I thought appropriate .. I’m just interested if anyone has a different view.

OP posts:
Pleaseletmesleepz · 07/10/2022 21:01

I’m glad to hear you received a positive response. I was in a very similar situation at my local park. I received a mouthful for firmly telling an older child no after pushing my 18 month old child twice and then stamping on her foot on the climbing frame. The mother was paying no attention, chatting with her friend, and sitting on the other side of the park.

I hate confrontation so this shook me up a bit and I genuinely thought I was somehow in the wrong. I didn’t bother arguing back as you can’t reason with stupid I guess, but I just don’t understand how she could think that was okay. If it had been the other way round I’d have been mortified.

CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 21:02

What is the issue here?

Notanotherwindow · 07/10/2022 21:05

I would hope that if mine were misbehaving and I didn't see it, that another adult would gently but firmly tell them off for it. It does kids no good to think that only their parents can tell them off.

Barbie222 · 07/10/2022 21:24

To be honest 9 out of 10 soft play encounters were like that for me. Most people are nice and want their kids to be decent. But YABU for posting something so uncontroversial about soft play, especially on a Friday night.

Original poster
Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 21:30

Barbie222 · 07/10/2022 21:24

To be honest 9 out of 10 soft play encounters were like that for me. Most people are nice and want their kids to be decent. But YABU for posting something so uncontroversial about soft play, especially on a Friday night.

lol .. that’s me told 😂

Yes, uncontroversial .. just interested if anyone would take offence to their child ‘being told off’ by another parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 21:40

Pleaseletmesleepz · 07/10/2022 21:01

I’m glad to hear you received a positive response. I was in a very similar situation at my local park. I received a mouthful for firmly telling an older child no after pushing my 18 month old child twice and then stamping on her foot on the climbing frame. The mother was paying no attention, chatting with her friend, and sitting on the other side of the park.

I hate confrontation so this shook me up a bit and I genuinely thought I was somehow in the wrong. I didn’t bother arguing back as you can’t reason with stupid I guess, but I just don’t understand how she could think that was okay. If it had been the other way round I’d have been mortified.

It’s a shame some parents react that way .. if they were watching what their children were doing, there’d be no need for another parent to step in.

I totally thought I’d reacted the right way .. but afterwards I thought if it were a different place, different time, I might have encountered a parent with a totally diffident attitude.

OP posts:
SecondhandTable · 07/10/2022 21:44

Wherever possible I avoid having to say anything negative to stranger's children, partly because I don't think their children's behaviour is anything to do with me unless it's a situation that is a safety issue that I can't ignore and yes partly to avoid awful gobshites taking offence! My eldest is 4 and I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I've intervened. Wherever possible I just usually used to remove my child or encourage them to play elsewhere if there were issues like this, particularly when they were tiny. Like if it happened once to my 1 yr old I would just move them further away from the offending child, or stay right by their side and basically physically prevent it from happening again. So I wouldnt have had to stay anything to the child. I wouldn't tell a child 'off' really after an event. I would only say something if something dangerous or bad was actually ongoing, if that makes sense? I don't think you did do anything wrong and if I was the parent of the older child, I would be similarly mortified and apologetic. But I still wouldn't personally have intervened with the child in the way that you did.

pimlicoanna · 07/10/2022 22:14

That is exactly what I've done more than once before

CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 22:17

You have years of this stuff. One day your baby will be the one pushing and shoving.

guineapugs · 07/10/2022 22:55

YANBU

girlfriend44 · 08/10/2022 00:50

Why does a 4 year old want to keep pushing a baby over though?

Sceptre86 · 08/10/2022 08:35

Of course you did the right thing and to their credit they behaved appropriately too. Even if they hadn't it still would have been the correct thing for you to do although I don't know may 4 year olds that would push over babies. My eldest at that age would ignore them and my son would be more likely to try to cuddle them and have to be told no.

BlueRibbonPen · 08/10/2022 08:37

I would have done the same. I tend to think there’s a bit of collective parenting that goes on at these places which works well.

Skinnermarink · 08/10/2022 08:52

girlfriend44 · 08/10/2022 00:50

Why does a 4 year old want to keep pushing a baby over though?

Who knows, but it definitely happens at soft play. I’ve told many a kid off for it.

Original poster
Cinders88 · 08/10/2022 09:12

girlfriend44 · 08/10/2022 00:50

Why does a 4 year old want to keep pushing a baby over though?

She was following the kids that had parents in the soft play with them, to the point where one of the kids was getting upset that she was so close all the time. I wonder whether she was jealous of the kids whose parents were playing with them? I don’t know .. but she was VERY active and constantly running around, and she had to be carried out of the area because she wouldn’t leave as she was told to. A lot of energy.

Usually older kids try to cuddle DS or pick him up .. I’ve even had one try to pick him up by his neck (she wasn’t trying to be nasty, just didn’t realise it could hurt him), hence why I sit in the soft play with him.

OP posts:
inheritanceshiteagain · 08/10/2022 09:54

Exactly the right thing from all parties

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