will I ever be good enough?

[Jackskeloton]

Posting here for traffic
Been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years
20 years before we met he lost his partner of 4 years to illness
very sad and very tragic
he does not talk about her much
just seen on a social media platform that he has commented on one of her relatives posts,
every once of his being still loves her and she is always the one, he is happy but it still hurts him everyday
i feel like I shouldn’t feel like I’m a bit of second best but I do
please tell me if I’m being unreasonable
sorry in advance if iam

Anyone ? X

Did he actually put “every ounce of his being still loves her” on the Facebook post, or is that something he has said to you?

my husband was a widow with 2 children when we met, I’d never have stayed with him if he had told me he still loved someone else. He has always made it clear he loves me.

Sorry to sound harsh, but have some pride, don’t stick with a man who has made you second best to a dead woman! There’s no way you can ever win in that battle.

That's a really awful thing for him to post publicly. It's one thing to say he still misses her but to say she is the one is a bit much.

I'd be really hurt.

He went much too far, saying those things publicly. Fine to say he misses her but saying she's the one diminishes your relationship. I think he owes you an apology.

Iam very hurt I just didn’t know if I was being selfish in my thinking, he said that his love for her runs through him and always will

What did he actually say op? That she was the one? That every ounce of him loves her and that his love for her runs through him. ?

He said all three

Wow! I'd be a bit put out at the level of feeling he still has after all this time / all this time in a relationship with you.

But I'd be even more put out that he's written all of this explicit emotion on a public platform.

Surely if he's so in touch with his feelings then he would realise this kind of outpouring is going to upset your feelings?

Or is it all just about him?

I’m married to a widower, and wouldn’t mind the “every ounce” comment. It’s true. But every ounce of his being also loves his kids, and me. It’s a fairly grandiose nonsense phrase really, we don’t love with our beings and we don’t measure it in ounces. You can love many people simultaneously.

”The one” however, would have me 🤨

I actually think if it was even a thing to be able to choose, he’d choose her 😉 But… no way would he be so rude as to call her “the one” now. I suppose he might say, “when I met her, I knew she was the one” - but wouldn’t describe her as such now.

But she has died OP and you are not. You are being too sensitive here. Talk to him I say.........

l am a widow and this is exactly why l choose to stay on my own. The competativeness is unreal. You don't just stop loving someone because they died, although once your widowed you feel you have to pretend. He wrote that because that is how he feels and he felt safe putting it out there, her family are not going to judge him for it. The worst thing you can do is try and guilt and shame him, its not his fault she died, he' s already paid a high price, don' t make it worse.

Of course she isn't being too sensitive. Her partner of ten years is in love with another woman, and has been for over 30 years...it's not the fact that she's dead, its that he still loves her. And thinks its ok to say so publicly, which is a total lack of respect for OP.

So he put all that publicly??

I would def leave. You should never feel 2nd best.

With respect, he made the decision, 10 years ago, that he was ready to start a new relationship and in doing so, to prioritise his new partner's feelings appropriately. This would involve expressing his understandable feelings for his much loved late wife in suitable ways/ settings so as not to make her feel second best. The OP isn't being competitive, her husband has fallen short. If someone gets together with a widow/er then they need to show compassion regarding their loss, but they do not owe them acceptance of this kind of outpouring. Especially after such a long relationship. I don't think it needs to be a huge bust up, just a reminder that her feelings matter too.