Is there really 'no good time to have a baby'

[WonderfulWorld22]

My partner and I want to try and conceive our first child. I am 33. But for various reasons related to work opportunities on both sides and a complicated housing situation it would be very difficult for us to make such a big upheaval in the next year, at least. I am told there is"no good time to have a baby" and to just get on with it. I understand but wonder if that's really true. Surely having more secure employment and settled housing situation is highly desirable? Help!

Definitely best to ensure you have a settled home at work that pays mat leave.

No "perfect" time, so don't wait for that.

I think there are times that are really not the right time, but probably no perfect time. The best you can hope for is good enough timing as there will always be something on the horizon and if you wait for every little thing you'll wait forever.

It is, but equally if you wait for "the right time" there is no guarantee on how long it will take to conceive - think of it this way, from the day you "start trying" for a baby it will likely be a year (or two, or three) at least until you actually have one. You just don't know. It's natural to want your life in an ideal place, but you really can't plan it!

I use that phrase myself sometimes but I tend to mean it more around moving jobs or having an exciting project coming up. But if the complicated housing matter would be sorted out in a year or so I would wait. If it wouldn't be sorted for 5 years (for example) I'd crack on. Definitely better to have settled housing if you can choose.

I would think the housing situation and financial security is very important.

Obviously, sometimes are better than others, but if you are heading for the thick end of thirty then there's a certain amount of biting the bullet when the fertility pendulum begins to swing out of favour.

I would secure the housing situation first, that's paramount. However on the other side...

You never know how long it might take you to get pregnant. I got pregnant first try both times but my DSis took 9 years... Which is the extreme obviously but I wouldn't assume that just because you're ready and have everything settled that biology will play ball and you'll get pregnant on your first couple tries. You need to decide what you want more.

Also: nothing like a baby on the way to give everyone a kick up the arse to get their shit together.

For you, which is the worse outcome...

Having a baby nine months from now with all the house/financial issues that entails?

Delaying and being unable to conceive, and always wondering if it would have happened if you'd just done it at the 'wrong' time.

Then factor in that it's more likely you'll be able to conceive than not.

You say you can't have a baby within the next year? So that means delaying TTC for three months. In your shoes I might risk that. But I'd be very aware that it's a gamble with one potential outcome being no children.

There is rarely a perfect time but there are times that are better than others.

My second mat leave was easier than my first because I got full pay with my second one.

We lived in rented houses both times and have just managed to buy and move into our house. Its been really tough and if we didnt have childcare costs, could have happened sooner but thats the choice we made.

For me, now we are in a house we own and I'm in a job with full mat pay, this would be the perfect time for me to have a child. But plenty of people, me included, dont wait for this perfect time.

I think their is never a "perfect" time, you can always muster up a reason to wait.

But there are definitely times, not to have children.

For me, there was right times, I don't know why but we had definitely had 'yes, this is the right time' conversations..

My eldest child is nearly 3 yo. In his life we have moved house 3 times, moved country once, my husband has changed jobs, I stopped working, and then undertook a house renovation.
It would have been much easier for us if we had done all the moving and renovating before having kids but there has been no detrimental impact to any of us, except maybe my stress levels. Financially we have cut back and are making it work. In saying that, I'm delighted to finally be settled and have a long term home for my kids to grow up in now. Other than me looking for a job I'm planning no more major life changes for a long time.

Well if you're waiting for the perfect time you could be waiting forever as there will always be something. However if you want to wait for a more secure period in your life that's pretty sensible really.

I agree there’s no good time. Or conversely, it’s always a good time!! Or as good a time as any. You’ll never be ready until you’re in it, and then you’re ready and have instincts and it will be all good.

Well imo the best time is when
1.You gave a stable home (preferably bought),
2.you both have a good permanent job with sufficient mat/pat pay etc
3.you have a solid, equal relationship.
4.no debts

There’s no such thing as a good time but there are better times.

Of course there is a perfect time, you might not have all your ducks in a row but you need to make sure you can provide for your child and support yourself through maternity.

There is no good time, my sister thought she had it planned out and then got made redundant at 3 months pregnant. Things happen out with your control.
I'm expecting my 1st just now and have worked out to have 2nd child I'll need to wait until 1st child is 27 months old at the earliest for me to get maternity pay (would need to change jobs after maternity leave as I won't earn enough part time in my current job). There's no guarantee I'll get pregnant straight away and don't want too big an age gap so might just have to stick out badly paid current job. It's my choice to have kids though.