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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyones DD a compulsory gymnast - is it worth it.

46 replies

Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:31

So, ive name changed but have been a long time poster/lurker.

DD is 7 and has been in gymnastics for a year now, she asked to go to gymnastics and I (silly me) thought it was just like a dance class.

A year later she is going down the compulsory route training 12 hours a week ( sometimes 15) and our live revolves around it.

Now i want to say clearly, Her coach is amazing, the club is amazing and im now heavily involved within the club ( think more admin) so get to see the environment /training and the general ethos of the club.

She is very talented and loves it, her personality is pretty up and down emotionally but she seems to be building resilience.

The route that she is on is similar to that of an Olympian but im under no illusion that that is unlikely.

So i guess im thinking is it worth it, its so hard, i question whether its right for her all the time, i talk to her about how shes feeling and if shes happy. Its a brutal ruthless unforgiving sport.

Does anyone have any feedback or experiences.

OP posts:
Testina · 07/10/2022 13:33

You’ve said she loves it.
So as long as you’re happy to let your own life revolve around it - fine.

QueenCamilla · 07/10/2022 13:34

I wouldn't put my child through anything that is "brutal and unforgiving".
But someone "has" to and some people do. Better you than me.

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:35

QueenCamilla · 07/10/2022 13:34

I wouldn't put my child through anything that is "brutal and unforgiving".
But someone "has" to and some people do. Better you than me.

Yeah i totally get what your saying, i think that description of the sport is my own feelings, if you asked DD she would say different.

OP posts:
SewhereIam · 07/10/2022 13:37

I had a very close friend as a child who's world revolved around dancing. Hours of practices every night and exams and competitions every weekend. She stopped when she was about 14 but loved every minute of it until then and wouldn't have had it any other way.

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:37

SewhereIam · 07/10/2022 13:37

I had a very close friend as a child who's world revolved around dancing. Hours of practices every night and exams and competitions every weekend. She stopped when she was about 14 but loved every minute of it until then and wouldn't have had it any other way.

Thank you

OP posts:
ErinAoife · 07/10/2022 13:38

As long as your kid enjoy it, go for it. I had it with my eldest with a different sport and he loves it, me not so much me as sometimes training was early (5.30am) but he really enjoyed it so it was worth it

ItsNotReallyChaos · 07/10/2022 13:39

If she loves it, if it's good for her self-esteem and if it gives her purpose I'd consider continuing with it if you can cope with the logistics of the impact of that amount of training.

However I'd agree with her that you're going to review her involvement every six months or something like that. It can be very hard for kids to untangle themselves from elite sport once they've invested hours every week for years so I'd want the message to be clear from the outset that this is something she is doing because she wants to and that she can stop at any time without disappointing you.

Beees · 07/10/2022 13:41

Honestly no I wouldn't want my child at just 7 years of age spending 12-15 hours a week doing anything. In my opinion it's way too much time and not conducive to having a well rounded child. She's only been doing it a year and already spending a significant amount of time at the gym and in your own words your life revolves around it so I can only imagine what it will be like in a few years time.

I'd much rather my child was able to attend birthday parties on weekends, play dates after school or have family time without the worry that they are missing gym or feeling guilty because they should be practicing.

QueenCamilla · 07/10/2022 13:41

Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:35

Yeah i totally get what your saying, i think that description of the sport is my own feelings, if you asked DD she would say different.

Show quote history

There were sports I really liked that I trained in but I gave them up (and the couches where shouting at my parents to get me back in! ) when the serious competing started. Turned out, I hated that part.

Plus, I was constantly told "not to get fat", my parents were warned that everything will be over when I get to my teens and start menstruating and get fat. Just don't get fat. I was pinched just to check there was no fat on me. Ugh.

neverbeenskiing · 07/10/2022 13:46

I am probably biased as I work with teenagers and have seen several girls who were competitive gymnasts succumb to eating disorders, high levels of anxiety and self-harm. All professed to love it, but still buckled under the pressure. I've often wondered if they think they love it because that's been their life from such s young age they know no different. I'm not suggesting that gymnastics was the only reason those girls developed MH issues btw, and of course plenty of girls involved in sports at a high level are just fine. But as you rightly point out, it can be "brutal". Personally, I wouldn't put my child through it as once they're on that track it seems very difficult to get off. How can a 7 year old possibly be expected to know what they really want and what is best for them?

Liorae · 07/10/2022 13:46

I would not want my child's life and my family's life to revolve around any one activity. If she was old enough to get herself to all of this activity and did so, I would accept that it is her choice and strong wish, but not otherwise. It is a family and no member dictates what is top importance for all.

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:49

neverbeenskiing · 07/10/2022 13:46

I am probably biased as I work with teenagers and have seen several girls who were competitive gymnasts succumb to eating disorders, high levels of anxiety and self-harm. All professed to love it, but still buckled under the pressure. I've often wondered if they think they love it because that's been their life from such s young age they know no different. I'm not suggesting that gymnastics was the only reason those girls developed MH issues btw, and of course plenty of girls involved in sports at a high level are just fine. But as you rightly point out, it can be "brutal". Personally, I wouldn't put my child through it as once they're on that track it seems very difficult to get off. How can a 7 year old possibly be expected to know what they really want and what is best for them?

Yes, this is a battle i have in my head. We do talk alot about it, i remind her that she needs to be happy in what shes doing and that its her dream not ours so she can make any choice she wants.

As a mum though its hard, you dont want to hold her back but in the same respect i dont want her to be damaged by it in later years.

OP posts:
FieldOverFence · 07/10/2022 13:50

Are there other kids in the family that this level of commitment would impact ? that would be a concern for me

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:52

FieldOverFence · 07/10/2022 13:50

Are there other kids in the family that this level of commitment would impact ? that would be a concern for me

We have 3 DDs, all in gymnastics but not at this level.

OP posts:
Beees · 07/10/2022 13:54

We have 3 DDs, all in gymnastics but not at this level.

3 in gymnastics! You must spend more time at the gym than at home. Just out of curiosity did they all ask to do gymnastics or is it because the 7 year old already does it so it's easier for them to have the same hobby?

Norma27 · 07/10/2022 13:54

My daughter used to do gymnastics and was in compulsories.
To be honest, it was vile. She went to a couple of clubs and I found it to be really toxic. My youngest asks to do gymnastics, and I think she would be really good but I’m not prepared to put another one through it now.

Beowulfa · 07/10/2022 13:55

Tell her regularly and firmly that she can withdraw at any time, and for any reason, or no reason at all.

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 13:58

Beees · 07/10/2022 13:54

We have 3 DDs, all in gymnastics but not at this level.

3 in gymnastics! You must spend more time at the gym than at home. Just out of curiosity did they all ask to do gymnastics or is it because the 7 year old already does it so it's easier for them to have the same hobby?

So, the oldest asked after lockdown to do gymnastics ( totally out of the blue) so we booked a local one and off she went, then about a month later 7 year old DD ( 6 at the time) said she wanted to go also so i booked and off she went.
Within a month she had been selected for squad trial and got in along with 5 other girls same age, they have now become very good friends.
Youngest then followed behind that ( too young for squads or anything)

Oldest then got into a floor and vault squad so she trains 6 hours a week. Both train on different days and times.

OP posts:
HGC2 · 07/10/2022 14:00

I couldn't have stopped my daughter training at that age, she was so passionate about it, loved the buzz of a new skill, her gym friends and even competing. I saw girls cry through training and when they did badly at a competition and made it clear each time that if I felt gym upset her in anyway we could and would stop. She gave up artistic last year as a teenager and moved to another discipline, gymnastics is part of who she is but she is still doing well at school and has a great social life.

Just remember to make sure she still enjoys being a child, let her miss training for a birthday party for example. Out of a reasonable sized squad with a few on the national team, only 1 still competes at top level now so it is important to keep it real.

Original poster
Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 14:00

Norma27 · 07/10/2022 13:54

My daughter used to do gymnastics and was in compulsories.
To be honest, it was vile. She went to a couple of clubs and I found it to be really toxic. My youngest asks to do gymnastics, and I think she would be really good but I’m not prepared to put another one through it now.

Ive heard this alot, however hand on heart i am really happy with the club and coach. This club is also known for being excellent with children.

OP posts:
PuffDragon12 · 07/10/2022 14:15

My daughter was a gymnast from the ages of 7 to about 12. She did similar hours to your daughter as she was at the gym for about 12 hours a week in term time. The hours went up in school holidays. We thought it was too much and kept a close eye on the situation but she loved it. She swapped at about 10 years old to a gym related sport and became a British Champion and then announced at 12, she wanted to stop. So we did.
She has no regrets about the time she spent there and she is a ‘well rounded’ person. She is now 19 and says gym taught her so much - to strive for what she wanted, that hard work brings rewards, not to be scared and that truly committing to something you enjoy brings a unique satisfaction.

She looks back at that time and sees great achievement. Many of her peers spent this time watching TV, posting on social media etc. maybe she was right to commit to gym!

billy1966 · 07/10/2022 14:49

Beowulfa · 07/10/2022 13:55

Tell her regularly and firmly that she can withdraw at any time, and for any reason, or no reason at all.

This is sound advice.

My daughters did it and we were being pushed to commit more time but tennis and hockey wouldn't allow the space in their schedules.

We are glad we stuck to the above two which are still being played years later.

Several friends gave years and years and then abruptly stopped in their early teens.

Some of the clubs are toxic, so it is a huge positive that you are happy with the coach and environment.

Play it by ear and as @Beowulfa suggests, check in very regularly.

Wonderlandddd · 07/10/2022 14:50

My sister was a very talented dancer and gymnast growing up. She went to a local gymnastics class one day and ended up being scouted by a regional team that has produced Olympians in the past. Between this and the dancing my mum (who worked full time!) was running about all over the place to support my sisters dream. The gymnastics she gave up in her teenage years due to feeling unable to cope with the demand and she continued to dance until she was 19, when she realised it just wasn’t her dream anymore. She’s now 23 and by all accounts has a very ‘’Normal’’ job and is happy.

My mum has no regrets in how much of her life it took up over those years, as she says she preferred supporting her until sister discovered for herself that she didn’t want it anymore, rather than if she’d not supported her and my sister may have always wondered how life could’ve been. Just some perspective!

edwinbear · 07/10/2022 15:00

DD was a squad gymnast for a couple of years, but left after lockdown - she hadn't bothered to do much flexibility training whilst the gym was shut and, and when it restarted, she just wasn't up to standard. She was upset initially, but given she did basically nothing over lockdown, I thought she probably wasn't as committed as she needed to be. We'd found the schedule punishing and it impacted the other sports she did. She never mentions gymnastics anymore so is completely 'over it'.

She definitely enjoyed it whilst it lasted though and it certainly gave her fantastic strength, flexibility and agility which she's been able to convert into other sports so we have no regrets. I'd agree with others that as long as she's happy and isn't getting injuries from the amount she trains, and you're able to support it, I'd let her continue - provided she knows she can stop whenever she wants to with no judgement.

Norma27 · 07/10/2022 17:44

Gymnasticmum · 07/10/2022 14:00

Ive heard this alot, however hand on heart i am really happy with the club and coach. This club is also known for being excellent with children.

Show quote history

I hope it stays that way. We loved some parts of it and maybe with different clubs it would have been better.
Good luck!