Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about how I’m treated at work?

27 replies

SquashedSpider · 07/10/2022 07:42

I’ve name changed as it’s outing.

I’m a 40 year old nurse and have worked in my current role for 6 years. I’m quiet by nature and don’t get involved with the social side of things much but I’m friendly and never say a bad word about anyone. I happily swap shifts so the others can go on nights outs etc and always go out of my way for others - to the point where my husband gets mad at me for agreeing to work on days when we had minor things planned. I suppose I’m a people pleaser.

Well I handed in my notice a while back as my back has given up and I can now no longer do the job. I’m devastated and really didn’t want to leave.

It was my last day yesterday and although everyone knew, barely anyone said anything other than “where you moving to?” Etc

Normally on peoples last days people bring cakes or stuff in and make a bit of a mini “buffet” in the staff room. A card goes around that everyone signs and they usually have a collection. I have contributed to many collections myself. I wasn’t expecting this as I know times are hard but I did think I might get a card as a keep sake.

I got nothing. I went into the staff room at lunch and there was no “good luck” message on the notice board, no card … nothing.

I started eating my lunch feeling a bit upset and the cleaner came in and gave me a little package. It was a little slice of cake she’d just gone and bought in the cafe for me. I thanked her and ended up bloody crying. I didn’t mean to. She put her arm around me and said “I’m sorry it’s not much, but I couldn’t let you go with nothing at all”. I told her it meant a lot to me that she’d done that (it really did) and thanked her. She went on to say “try not to take it personally, they’re all stressed out over the Christmas rota, I tried though”. Bless her.

I just feel so deflated. AIBU?

OP posts:
CallmeIT · 07/10/2022 07:44

That’s really off op. I’m not surprised you feel sad. Do you by any chance usually volunteer to pick up Christmas shifts?

Original poster
SquashedSpider · 07/10/2022 07:46

CallmeIT · 07/10/2022 07:44

That’s really off op. I’m not surprised you feel sad. Do you by any chance usually volunteer to pick up Christmas shifts?

Yes, I always worked Christmas Day as I don’t have little kids 😞

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 07/10/2022 07:47

This sounds really sad and a poor show from your colleagues and managers. I hope you move on to a better work place where you are valued. What gits the lot of them.

Overthebow · 07/10/2022 07:48

That’s so sad op. Does sound alike they are more concerned about the Christmas rota now you’re going.

Doingmybest12 · 07/10/2022 07:49

At your next work place pitch in but don't get taken advantage of .

MichelleScarn · 07/10/2022 07:49

So sorry to read this op, fuckers the lot of them!

Blahburst · 07/10/2022 07:50

Bless that cleaner for noticing. I’m sorry your colleagues were so rude. Think hard about your people pleasing and what you get out of it. Hope your back improves now you’re out of there x

DoubleChinWoes2 · 07/10/2022 07:51

I really feel for you. I would feel like you and would have struggled to keep my emotions in check. You sound like a lovely colleague

endofthelinefinally · 07/10/2022 07:53

They don't deserve you OP. What are you going to do now? There are lots of jobs in nursing that are perfectly manageable without doing more damage to your back. I hope you are getting physio.

mamabear715 · 07/10/2022 07:53

I hope one or more of your colleagues is reading this. Miserable twats. :-(

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 07/10/2022 07:54

The cleaner is lovely, what a sweet and thoughtful woman, but as for the rest, what a bunch of bastards. Don’t let their selfishness get to you. I find the nicest people, often the ‘people pleasers’ as you admit you are, are often the most overlooked. I hope you can enjoy some time off and hope your back gets better Flowers

DancingWithYouInTheSummerRain · 07/10/2022 07:56

Good luck and best wishes for the future x

You sound like a lovely colleague, but like others have said, now is the time to look after you.

I know it wasn't the last day you wanted, but do try to put it to one side, focus on your next chapter, whether that is a new job, some time for your back to recover or going wild somewhere ha!

Sending virtual hugs!

Weepingwillows12 · 07/10/2022 07:56

They are all horrible except for that lovely cleaner. I hope they all feel ashamed of themselves. How do collections usually work? Is there an organising committee or does one of the leavers close friends organise it? Am wondering if they all assumed someone else was doing it as you aren't socially close with any of them? Still only takes a minute to check...

dontgosummer · 07/10/2022 07:57

This is really unfair .. nurse here also . I would never ever let anyones last day go without the usual - good luck messages , buffet lunch if possible , card and yes collection for most

Hope you get some relief with your back , you could consider a less strenuous path in nursing - L&D , research, audit, safeguarding are some examples

If you do continue in employment I would say keep being a team player but don't be taken advantage of , keep the swaps even , those minor plans you had with husband are what make your time off work pleasurable

Good luck OP

Gloriosity · 07/10/2022 07:59

Yeah that’s shitty of them all, not surprised you feel upset.

Do some nice things for yourself over the next few days, just look after yourself. The sting will fade. 💐

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:05

What a bunch of twats.

no wonder you are leaving.

i am sure in your new role you will have nice people to work with.

they all sound awful, no wonder you cried xx

Shoxfordian · 07/10/2022 08:07

Ah that’s really sad op, don’t let it bother you though- they will miss you when there’s nobody to cover their shifts and work all Christmas for them

Dammitthisisshit · 07/10/2022 08:12

I’m sorry op, that’s rubbish.

maybe because you didn’t make a song and dance about it no one (or the right people - who normally organise anything) really realised?

Dontjudgeme101 · 07/10/2022 08:14

Hi Op, Reading this made me cry. That is such a horrible thing to do to you. I am so glad that the cleaner had noticed and gave you the piece of cake. I am glad that the horrible staff will have to work Christmas, now that you have left. A better job will be waiting for you. You sound like a lovely generous person. 💐💐💐

MsTSwift · 07/10/2022 08:15

A sad demonstration that being a people pleaser doesn’t make people like you. I would take a lesson from that…

AquaticSewingMachine · 07/10/2022 08:18

Unfortunately this is often the fate of people-pleasers. You treat yourself like you are less important than everyone else... and other people take their cues on how to treat you from how you treat yourself.

I'm really sorry. I know this will have hurt a lot. But one positive thing you can take from it is to work on your self-esteem and boundaries and stop being a people-pleaser, because this is where it leads.

Meklk · 07/10/2022 08:20

I had very similar experience.... I used to be a person who covered all kids school holidays(5years!!!), while didn't have kids, and later - my husband had very flexible workplace and used to stay with our son while nursery was closed on holidays. I decided to leave in the middle of December and was treated the same way. They were even trying to blame me ("ohhh, other staff members will have their holidays cancelled") and expected me to postpone my leaving date.
I took a sick note and left in the end of November. They didn't deserve my help.

Meklk · 07/10/2022 08:21

Dontjudgeme101 · 07/10/2022 08:14

Hi Op, Reading this made me cry. That is such a horrible thing to do to you. I am so glad that the cleaner had noticed and gave you the piece of cake. I am glad that the horrible staff will have to work Christmas, now that you have left. A better job will be waiting for you. You sound like a lovely generous person. 💐💐💐

They won't. I can bet 99% they'll call sick.

Dontjudgeme101 · 07/10/2022 08:30

@Meklk Your probably right.😂😂

UnagiForLife · 07/10/2022 08:42

I want to give you the biggest hug. How awful of them all and that cleaner is amazing what a superstar and so are you. Good luck in whatever you decide to move on and I hope your new colleagues appreciate you as you deserve!