Sexually inappropriate driving instructor

[NC9987]

This is really long so I do apologise.

I've woken up after having a dream about a driving instructor I had when I was 17.
I rarely think about him unless I see a driving instructor car and then he pops into my mind. But it's made me think about him now. Whenever I do think of him, I immediately regret not reporting him.

When I was 17 I started having lessons with him. I paid for 10 lessons upfront for a discounted rate.
After the 2nd lesson, he began making inappropriate comments. We would be driving along and he'd see a woman walking down the road and say "I think your tits look better than hers".
When this happened I died inside. I've had men be inappropriate before. It's like I've been vulnerable to this and there's a sign on my head letting men know.

In the couple of lessons that followed he made more inappropriate comments. He made me drive down a country lane and park up. He told me there were 'other ways' I could pay for my lessons and if I wanted to do this he could also guarantee I'd pass my test.
I was so frightened. My heart was pounding. All I said was I wanted to go back onto the main roads.
We drove home. In fact I think he actually took over driving because I said I felt nervous to drive on the country road. I was shaking.

That was lesson 4. I then messaged him afterwards to say I didn't want any more lessons. I worked in a shop at the time and he came into the shop to try and talk me into having the rest of my 10 lessons. He also phoned my work too.
I told my mum and dad who weren't supportive and just kept telling me that I'd be wasting my money if I didn't do the lessons.

In the end I gave in and went back for another session. Right before it I was shaking and telling my mum how scared I was and she just said "you'll be fine".

I wore a top covering my full top half. He put the heating on full and kept telling me I could undo my top. After that lesson I decided not to go back. I went to citizens advice and told them. God knows why I went there. They phoned the driving instructor agency who told the woman that if I made a complaint he'd be immediately struck off while they investigate.

I went home and told my parents who said it would be 'awful' for him to lose his career over this and I should just forget about it.
I felt guilty then that he could lose his job and didn't take it any further.

I now really regret this. I feel guilty that I didn't report it. I wish I had. He's still practicing now.
This was 19 years ago.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please consider reporting him if you feel able x

So sorry this happened to you 😥
Your parents as well, to actively try and encourage you back in?! Awful.

A family friend of ours when I was younger was a driving instructor and was investigated for similar. It went to trial and he was found not guilty. He was an absolute creep and still is. Knowing him, there is no doubt in my mind that he did what he was accused of and probably more. I'm sure if more girls had come forward he wouldn't have got away with it. I'm so sorry your parents weren't supportive, I'd certainly look to report him now.

Hi OP I also had a pervy driving instructor at around age 21. He used to ask me if I was comfortable naked or in a bikini. He said he was seeing how confident I was. He used to say we could just go to a country pub now and no one would know. And other stuff. What made it worse was I knew his kids. I told him in the end I didn't want lessons with him but never confronted him. I did report him though but he set up on his own. He did get prosecuted in the end for driving offences and was said to have received complaints about his conduct but I feel bad I didn't try harder to stop him.

So very sorry to hear of your experience. If your Mum would support you now, you could still report him.

@NC9987 Have a look at this link gives details under complaining about instructor behaviour. Would be easy to create a new gmail account or similar just to report anonymously without even having to directly speak to someone if you didn't want to. Or the general customer service number is 0300 200 1122 and they would be able to direct you more precisely to pass on details by phone, but I imagine email would feel a much more comfortable route and allows you to get the information down as you want it.

They are very experienced at only going as far as you want to. They will understand how something like this can come back to the surface years later. Obviously there isn't a lot of tangible evidence, but that's often the case with this kind of thing - that's why building a broader picture helps them. One report of suspect behaviour can be cast in a poor light fairly easily, but multiple independent reports starts to make a much stronger case for a pattern of behaviour, and like you say, it's highly unlikely you were the only one, or that his behaviour has improved with time.

All too often people just change instructor or put up with feeling a bit uncomfortable, especially when everything is just verbal, but if they get enough bits of info that suggests an investigation is warranted, they will usually uncover enough to suggest what is going on. That may only mean being struck off the ADI register if there isn't enough evidence to pursue a criminal case, but that removes them from a position where they can cause further harm.

I'm sorry that happened to you OP ((hugs))) Report the b@stard, if you feel up to it. We're all here in your corner lovely 💪 xx

Have you posted about this before?? I’ve read very similar.

I went through the same when I was learning to drive at 17(also 19 years ago), your instructor sounds worse though! Shocking that your parents didn't support you. I am sure there were probably others that he targeted. Mine would spend most the lesson looking at me, telling me I reminded him of his ex, took me down a quiet street to help me go through the gears by putting his hand firmly on top of mine and just generally creepy.

I'm sorry you weren't supported, too. There are some dodgy characters in that role.

I've heard of two instructors in my area who have behaved like this. I'd recommend female instructors any day, as some men are ruining it for the rest. I made sure my DDs had female instructors for this reason.

My instructor wasn't sexually inappropriate towards me, but did ask me for a drink the week before my test to celebrate his 'birthday'. I did meet him, and I did buy him a birthday gift. He arranged another date and stood me up. I think I was about 30 when I realised he probably had 52 birthdays a year!

Taking your money and trying it on when they are meant to be teaching you shows what kind of men they are, imo.

Just wondering, was this in East London?

You can report him to the governing body for driving instructors, he should not be licensed to instruct. Do driving instructors have to have a criminal record check?

Op im so sorry that you had to experience that and so sorry that your parents were so unsupportive. That was so wrong what happened and you'd have been absolutely within your rights to take it to police.

Urgh what a creep, shocking your parents didn't support you. I hope you was able to move past this.

Sorry OP exact same thing happened to me at 17. I had to bin him and abandoned the lessons, money down the pan.

I started again and passed a few years later. It is really upsetting and you often don't see how you were preyed upon until much later.

This sort of happened to me, and I never learned to drive. I have done so much amazing stuff with my life and travelled all over the world, and I have brilliant professional career and I NEVER LEARNT TO DRIVE because my driving instructor was a pervy dickhead. I feel you, OP!

No, Manchester.

Same here, it really put me off. The last lesson I had with him, I got home and cried to my mum about his behaviour, luckily she got a recommendation from her friend, it was a male, but he was her neighbour and had young daughters, he was lovely and got me through my test.

Yanbu. I ended up snogging my driving instructor when I was 18! He used to tell me his wife didn't understand him etc.

I had to stop my lessons too.

Wonder if it's 'a thing'.

I'm 45 now, but have never forgotten it. I wasn't a mature 18 yo either. I was quite a nieve teen.

Also to add, I don't know if it makes it any better, or worse, that he ised to double as a taxi driver and picked me and my friends up from town, and he snogged me when I was drunk and he was sober, and I fucking paid him for the privilege!!!

I had a similar experience. I had lessons at 17 and the instructor used to put his hand on my thigh when he was telling me to do stuff and he'd often bring the conversation around to sex. He would tell me how his ex-wife didn't like it and he thought all women didn't like it until a few years earlier, when he discovered that most love it.
Worst part is, he'd taught my sister a couple of years earlier, did the same stuff with her but she hadn't really thought to mention it, it was just one of those things you have to put up with. We only spoke about it a decade later when it dawned on us what a disgusting old perv he was.

My DD will be taught by a woman.

I think this is more common than you think. I had a similar experience though not as bad as yours. He was an acquaintance already and I didn't take lessons until I was 25, and still felt vulnerable. I ended up recording him, and had such a hassle getting the refund for the lessons I didn't do. My boyfriend was horrible about it too and blamed me for leading him on, even accusing me of cheating.

Its grim that these opportunists take advantage of teen girls.