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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ve finally found a friend ?

20 replies

Peppermintdreams · 06/10/2022 23:19

Seriously. Odd I know . I’ve always struggled to make proper meaningful friendships . I think I have a combination of an ND personality ( I’m nice , bubbly but I can’t ‘take’ to people and trust them because I always feel like I have to act a little bit, I feel like I’m a bit odd ( I am odd ) and therefore try to match their personality rather than be me and it’s tiring so i tend to let friendships fade before they start because it’s easier . I also had a really complex and challenging childhood so I spent much of that looking after people who needed me rather than socialising like your average kid . So I’m basically a bit of an introvert . I’m not unhappy , but I’m a total loner apart from my kids and partner . Anyway, I recently started studying something I’ve always wanted to , it’s something that’s quite intellectual , creative and I met this girl , my age , no kids , different ethnic background , but we clicked so much ! We have laughed and chatted and done things together like visiting shows and stuff I’d never have gone to before . She’s a bit …different too , broken but healed like me I suppose , she’s much more confident and open but not in a way that makes me feel overwhelmed and we never really talk about us but about our common interest and we are reliable , we message every day and we always turn up because we’ve told each other we will. We talk about quite personal stuff, bodily aches and pains ,having down days emotionally etc .We go for a drink sometimes and wander galleries together which I’ve never done with anyone. I think , at 34 years of age I may have found a proper best friend 🤩 I really don’t wanna lose this lady , it’s been a slow year of getting close but I feel like we should always have known each other . Is this weird? Is this a lucky thing? A second chance at having a proper friend or is it just our common interest? Im getting a bit confused really. It doesn’t change anything about how I’ll be around her because I’ve always been myself and that’s really unusual , I say things like ‘I’m anxious today ‘ or ‘I don’t like myself today ‘ and shes just as open and shes told me all sorts of things too so it feels safe and mutual. I’ve never met someone female I felt so connected with. We usually end up in fits of laughter and get on with what we’re doing and have a really good day. I think I have a ‘best friend ‘ a ‘close friend ‘ would you agree?

OP posts:
HippoRaine · 06/10/2022 23:27

That sounds like a friendship to me.

Try not to over analyse though, just go with it and see what happens

nzeire · 06/10/2022 23:29

Sounds fabulous! That giddy high of a new friend is awesome!

TheSausageKingofChicago · 06/10/2022 23:31

This sounds like a really lovely friendship. A lot of friendships are circumstantial and don’t really wash with (some) ND types, but once in a while a kindred spirit comes into your life. Those are the friendships to cherish.

You both sound lovely and made for each other 😊

LateMumma · 06/10/2022 23:40

That sounds wonderful ❤️

Peppermintdreams · 07/10/2022 00:03

Thank you all. I think I hoped it was a ‘proper friend ‘ and was about 70% sure and I’ve been opening up more lately . Our lives are really different and I’m conscious that I waffle on about my house and kids a lot and she has a much more footloose lifestyle with friends and socialising so I wonder if she finds me boring but I try to remember to ask about her nights out and I do enjoy hearing about all her friends as they all sound interesting and she’s remembered loads about my kids . We have ‘in jokes’ about my son in the mornings ( he’s a terror to get out the door ) and we laugh about it . I feel a bit like I’d benefit from being more like her in her personality as she’s quite lively and confident . Also I keep wanting to invite her to my house to eat and meet my tribe but I’m nervous as I’ve not really done this before . She keeps hinting though , I’m into cooking , and she keeps hinting she wants to come for dinner when I tell her what I’ve made . Should I just make something nice and grab some wine and have her over? I know my little boy would love her , he loves everyone and he’s bloody hilarious , she’s seen videos of him singing and stuff and says she loves him. My partner wouldn’t mind , he’d probably be polite and have a quick chat then disappear and keep little one busy , he’s always telling me to get friends, I deserve them etc . Agh why is this so awkward? It’s the having her in my real life bit I think , I can chat to her easily but I feel so vulnerable letting her into my life properly . I should have nailed this by now shouldn’t I ?

OP posts:
Peppermintdreams · 07/10/2022 00:34

TheSausageKingofChicago · 06/10/2022 23:31

This sounds like a really lovely friendship. A lot of friendships are circumstantial and don’t really wash with (some) ND types, but once in a while a kindred spirit comes into your life. Those are the friendships to cherish.

You both sound lovely and made for each other 😊

Thank you. This is what it feels like . I wasn’t especially looking for friendship and she wasn’t either as she’s quite social but I feel a special connection there. She’s always saying that she thinks we are ‘sisters from different misters’ . I think lots of her friends are from her ethnicity too and she says she feels like I ‘get her’. I was cautious at first just because it was so different , but now we laugh about our upbringings together , we make jokes about what ‘rebels’ we are and it’s really good therapy to laugh about this stuff . Essentially , we hate each other’s mothers now but it’s justified . And she’s cheeky enough to suggest I need my hair done and I’m fine with that . I quite love her :)

OP posts:
TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 07/10/2022 00:38

Ahh I love this, OP.

Definitely a friend!

millerpie · 07/10/2022 00:45

I love this!
my best friend sadly passed away three years ago, I miss her every single day. So lonely without her, she was a once in a lifetime best friend for eighteen years. It sounds like you’ve found yours, treasure your friendship because it’s an absolute gift.

Peppermintdreams · 07/10/2022 01:04

millerpie · 07/10/2022 00:45

I love this!
my best friend sadly passed away three years ago, I miss her every single day. So lonely without her, she was a once in a lifetime best friend for eighteen years. It sounds like you’ve found yours, treasure your friendship because it’s an absolute gift.

Oh god I’m so sorry to hear this. You must have loved her so much after all that time. I bet you have some amazing memories though. It’s weird because I I always knew something was missing in my life and believe me I’ve been through some horrible shit completely alone , but something feels different and I want to treasure it now. I’m happy for you that you had an amazing best friend for all that time , I’m gutted you lost her though,that’s so utterly shit and unfair . Sending you massive hugs and I hope someone ‘almost ‘as good comes along for you . Xx

OP posts:
Honeylover333 · 07/10/2022 01:34

I hope both you and your friend enjoy this wonderful gift, OP! And I hope Millerpie finds another good friend too.

LoupsGarous · 07/10/2022 01:53

It sounds like the beginnings of a good friendship, OP. Invite her for dinner, relax into it, don’t over-rely or over-think. Enjoy it!

JaNaJanice · 07/10/2022 02:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LakeIsle48 · 07/10/2022 02:23

Really nice post. Just be yourself. It seems to be working very well for you. If you feel nervous put on the radio or telly in the background. Good luck, you can do it x

Bluebellandpansies · 07/10/2022 03:06

Sheering for you OP. Best of luck !

Notarealmum · 07/10/2022 03:23

It sounds like you do have a new friend, OP - and a good one at that! Just relax and enjoy the friendship, invite her over for dinner, whatever seems right. I think we’re all very happy for you!!

Harrystylestutu · 07/10/2022 03:55

Everyone needs a mate that makes then laugh ❤ if you can, just enjoy the moment, don't worry about the future. Enjoy! I'm happy for you!!

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 07/10/2022 04:03

Your friend sounds lovely as do you . Just invite her over for supper one night . Enjoy x

Whatwouldnanado · 07/10/2022 06:50

Yes, sounds like you have found a true friend. Don't over think it, and remember she's lucky to have you too. Don't make a big deal about it but have her round for dinner with the family soon. It'll be great.

Windblownwife · 02/01/2023 06:14

Take out the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” from your vocabulary and you may find it helps, I’ve banned them from mine! We’re all different. It sounds like a lovely friendship and I’m quite jealous! Although I have enough good friends there’s only one I can really laugh and be myself with - I’ve told her I don’t think I ever really truly laughed until I met her! Try to trust it, that’s all any of us can do

Lentilweaver · 02/01/2023 06:37

Segue: is it really so uncommon to have friends from another ethnicity?

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