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AIBU?

This bullying right????

18 replies

rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 22:22

So ok I know that 5 years blow in the wind in terms of friends and girls can be mean etc but I'm not sure if this isn't bullying and should be taken seriously.
Driving home tonight we had a chat about how DD day had gone, what she'd done, had she had fun, did you eat all your lunch, who did you sit next to at lunch?
I don't often get much information to the questions I ask but was really quite concerned when she said 'no one' to the last question.
When I asked her why she said, that lets call her 'Emma' and another girl had said they didn't want to sit next to 'someone with orange hair' and ended up with DD eating alone.
I know full well that I only got one side and kids can be horrible to one another and best friends the next but I just don't feel it's acceptable to a) exclude someone on the basis of appearance and b) exclude generally and it's bullying right?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

43 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
26%
You are NOT being unreasonable
74%
Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 06/10/2022 22:26

Ime your dc needs red hair promoting!!
My dd is ginger. Once a teacher even assured her it would go dark and maybe brown as she got older!
Have you access to any Pippi Longstocking books? Original Annie film? Famous Red haired people?

XelaM · 06/10/2022 22:34

Omg I'm so jealous- redheads are gorgeous! Tell her they are jealous because only special/beautiful girls have red hair. And yes, you should mention it to the teacher

ChickenRat · 06/10/2022 22:36

I'm a redhead and something similar happened to me at about that age. I didn't tell anyone and with hindsight I should've. Definitely mention it to the teacher.

rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 22:39

Thanks @Pumpkinpatchlookinggood she has a lot of positive reinforcement about how beautiful her hair is (and it really is).
I think that maybe 'Emma' and co would probably benefit though

OP posts:
IneedcoffeeinanIV · 06/10/2022 22:43

Kids can be so horrid. I love red hair and I bet she looks beautiful

Thedogscollar · 06/10/2022 22:56

@rbmilliner Hi op yes that is bullying based on her hair colour.
I had bright red hair when younger and I was bullied at school and called all sorts of stupid names.
I'd definitely advise school of this as these children need to know this is not acceptable to behave like this.The teacher can explain how hurtful this can be and that everyone is different but nobody should be singled out because of differences in how we look.
I love my hair colour though it has faded over the years but nobody should be made to feel bad about their appearance no matter how young or old you are.
I do hope your little girl is ok. Red hair is very very unique and special not many true redheads in the world. I'm sure she is beautiful tell her to hold her head up high.

rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 23:06

@ChickenRat @IneedcoffeeinanIV @Thedogscollar yes she is beautiful and her is amazing (bit I'm biased). I will speak to her teacher although I don't want her to be singled out specifically

OP posts:
XelaM · 06/10/2022 23:08

I think when she gets older no one will tease her about being a redhead. My daughter's close school friend is a true redhead and she's super popular at their school. Looks gorgeous too! She's in Year 9.

BakedTattie · 06/10/2022 23:11

My daughter is a red head. But she has the fiery Celtic temperament to match. I’d dare anyone to slag off her hair 😂

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 23:11

yes, it is bullying, and you should report it to the school.

captncrunch · 06/10/2022 23:12

Please, please mention this to the school. I am a redhead and endured this as a child. Just constant low level comments like this over many years and it eroded my confidence. I believed the comments eventually. No one took it seriously, even teachers made the odd comment "carrot top" etc etc instead of using my name. I'm a teacher now and it won't fly these days.

I actually love my hair now as an adult!

rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 23:16

@XelaM I hope so, I just find it a bit ironical as the school is so diverse (and the better for it imo) I really didn't expect her hair to be picked upon.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 06/10/2022 23:19

Poor DD😥

How old are they OP?

Nightynightnight · 06/10/2022 23:22

Speak to the teacher and ask her to nip it in the bud. Having said that she is going to have to get used to it. Kids with red hair generally fall into two camps - those who take the life-long ginger jibes to heart and end up with very poor self-esteem and those who love their hair and see the jibes as petty jealousy or general stupidity. You want her to be in the latter group. So explain to her that her hair colour is extremely special and actually very few people in the whole world are as special as her. Big up all the famous strong gingers - Merida, Anna from Frozen, the original Little Mermaid, Anne of Green Gables, Pippy Longstocking etc. Show her real life examples of amazing women with red hair.

Explain to her that people won't always like her and that's ok but if they tell her it's because of her hair then that's really stupid and they don't deserve to be friends with someone as cool as her.

rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 23:25

@FlissyPaps they're year so 5 / 6

OP posts:
rbmilliner · 06/10/2022 23:30

@Nightynightnight thank you. We tell her a lot how incredible her hair and all the best superheroes have red hair

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 06/10/2022 23:31

As cruel and upsetting as it is this kind of behaviour is really common in 5/6 year olds.

I would definitely mention it to your DDs teacher, they’ll know how to handle this and nip it in the bud before it escalates. The girls who are doing the bullying need to be told by adults that this is unacceptable.

Hopefully the teacher encourages other children to befriend your DD and include her.

CoralBells · 06/10/2022 23:34

Dd has red curly hair. She only ever had one mean comment in about year 3 or 4. A boy said "You've got the hair colour no one likes" 🙄I decided I'd wait and if he said one more comment I'd be up the school. He didn't though and nor did anyone else. She's pretty popular and in Year 11 now (age 15)
I think it would be fine to mention that comment to the teacher though.

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