He didn't tell me his girlfriend is dropping our child at school

[Questions12]

Ex has a girlfriend. Been together a year and known each other a long time. Ex is having child 2 nights a week so said he was doing pick ups and drop offs. However child told me today daddy's girlfriend drops him 1 day and daddy leaves for work and she gets him ready. He's 5. I feel I should have been told. Ex did say girlfriend offered to have child 1 day because he couldn't and I declined and asked him not to go against me on this. I've got no problems with the girl but I need to know who my child is with.

In their df's time he can decide who drops off /picks up /looks after your joint dc.. You may not be happy but it is perfectly legal.
Presumably he isn't an great man or wouldn't be an ex. That's why your thoughts aren't considered in this matter.

Unfortunately, you don't get a say in who looks after your son during your ex's contact time. I know it's impossible to be relaxed about this and you have my sympathy but YABU.

I think YABU, she is not a new GF, he has known her a long time, this is just how things are once you are separated.

Yabu. You want to know who your child is with, but you are not entitled to. The child is not a possession. Your ex has the right to make decisions about child care during his time and has done nothing wrong.

Oh I feel sorry for you, but no you can’t dictate this op, good luck I hope you can move on and get some peace.

YABU. You don’t get to decline. You don’t need to know who your child is with.

All you need to know is that your child is with their father. What he does on his time and who he allows to see said child is nothing to do with you.

YABU. It’s not up to you

Sorry but it’s really not your business as harsh as that sounds, been there myself. Who your child is with in each parents contact time is down to solely that parent unless there’s reason for concern such as harm coming to the child.

I've got no problems with the girl

Hopefully she's a woman rather than a girl cause otherwise you've got bigger problems.

On his time he gets to decide who his daughter spends time with. He doesn't have to tell you and you don't get a veto.

I'd be happy he has a responsible and caring person there with him as well when with father as it seems she is if she's willing to do this care
Not sure why you don't agree to let her help? Do you feel threatened or potentially pushed out by her?

No, this is nothing to do with you

I definitely don't feel pushed our by her. I have majority custody.

Ex did say girlfriend offered to have child 1 day because he couldn't and I declined and asked him not to go against me on this. I've got no problems with the girl but I need to know who my child is with.

You don’t get to make the call on this so it isn’t “going against you”. It’s unfortunately just a shit but of coparenting that you have to accept. Do you ask him for permission any time your mum or sister has DC for an hour? Would you expect to have to ask your ex in advance for this? Of course not, so the same goes for him.
Its his time with DC, he is in a serious relationship with this WOMAN and he gets to decide if she picks DC up from nursery.

So what's the problem then? No issues with her so why can't she help look after your child?

I know the worry as a mother not knowing where your child is or who they’re with so I’m not going to vote unreasonable as your feelings are reasonable (and natural). It’s horrible, I’ve been there but, there is really nothing you can do. Just like there’s nothing he can do if you got Mary from across the road to take your little one to school whilst you’re in bed with the flu and didn’t tell him.

I think you are however being unreasonable in telling him you don’t want his gf doing none of that as she’s his partner. Same as he couldn’t if you have a partner. A child’s life will run far more smoothly if parents can accept that new partners will be playing a part in the child’s life and helping with the care (providing they aren’t harmful to children).

My ex takes everyone for a mug so he's got her doing his work. Suppose it's her issue really isn't it.

You are being totally unreasonable and slightly ridiculous.

As long as your child is safe it’s really none of your business who picks them up or drops them off. I’m assuming you don’t ask for your ex’s permission if you leave your kid with a babysitter or a family member, so why are you expecting him to ask for your permission when his girlfriend helps with childcare?

I’m sorry to say that you sound like a typical bitter ex.

If she is a nice woman then you should be happy your DS has another good person in his life.

I can understand your feelings if he's a bad attitude to you before, but who would take your child while he is going to work in the morning? He'd have to push childcare back on you or potentially lose a job by not being able to go in because of drop off. I wouldn't say it's him having her do his work.
You are right though that it's her problem and all you need to focus on is your child being safe, healthy and happily looked after

Do you ask your exes permission or let him know if you have to ask someone else to take your DS too and from school or babysit him while he's with you?

YABU. Sorry. Look at the positive - she wants to be involved in your son's life. My ex husband's partner (of many years now) wants nothing to do with our kids, and will hide away in her room when they come There is no bond and no rapport. Believe me, a longer relationship doesn't always = quality.

I feel for you OP and I think some replies are harsh here. Whilst you may not be legally entitled to make these decisions during his contact time, to say it has nothing to do with you or it's not your business is ridiculous.