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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I offer a holiday to family

30 replies

Catcherintherice · 06/10/2022 22:06

NC for this as some family could identify me from my normal username.

I have one sibling, who is widowed and has a son and daughter.

His son has a partner and a pre school age child. They both work and just about get by financially. His daughter is single, has 2 pre teens and 2 under 1’s. She worked PT before having younger DC and now on UC. She gets no child maintenance. Teens’ father sees them rarely and never takes them out.

They live in a flat and the 2 teens share a smallish room.

The teens have never had a holiday. Their Mum is always busy, can’t give them lots of attention, but she does love them and they are always clean and fed, etc.

I have saved some money, and would like to be able to treat the teens.

I am thinking just the teens and my brother, for them to be able to have their own rooms for once and a break from helping look after younger siblings. Possibly Center Parc, caravan park with entertainment, or even a budget holiday complex abroad. ( I would sort passports)

I know that my niece would prefer the cash equivalent. I don’t want to do that. She is in a significant amount of debt and the sum I have saved wouldn’t go far towards clearing that, - and it wouldn’t help her teens.

My brother and I always had holidays as children, and have many happy memories. I would love my great nieces to have a holiday whilst they are still young.

My AIBU is whether it is reasonable to make the offer. I don’t want to offend the ‘just managing’ nephew, as I couldn’t do the same for him.

I can’t ask my immediate family for advice as I don’t want my niece to find out until I have decided what to do, hence asking for more general input.

OP posts:
Wibbly1008 · 28/12/2022 19:45

You are lovely OP. What a kind, considerate person you are x

Delphinium20 · 28/12/2022 19:48

what a wonderful conclusion!

Aprilx · 28/12/2022 19:59

So you have decided to treat your brother and two of his grandchildren but are leaving out his two children and three other grandchildren. I think this is really a bit odd to be honest and I can’t see how it won’t cause some bad will. I think you need to be fairer if you want to do something like this.

And it sounds like you had your own bedroom growing up, I was one of four siblings and I didn’t have my own bedroom until I was an adult. There is no need for pity about it, the teens don’t know any different.

cestlavielife · 28/12/2022 20:08

Taking the older kids for a Holiday is fine
They are going to appreciate it and will be easier thsn little ones
Say you will try to do same for younger ones when they same age

Original poster
Catcherintherice · 28/12/2022 20:28

Aprilx · 28/12/2022 19:59

So you have decided to treat your brother and two of his grandchildren but are leaving out his two children and three other grandchildren. I think this is really a bit odd to be honest and I can’t see how it won’t cause some bad will. I think you need to be fairer if you want to do something like this.

And it sounds like you had your own bedroom growing up, I was one of four siblings and I didn’t have my own bedroom until I was an adult. There is no need for pity about it, the teens don’t know any different.

My brother is not going.

The holiday we have now arranged is my nephew and his partner, his pre school age child, and my niece’s 2 teens.

The only children not going are the babies.

I do take your point about the bedrooms. I still hope they view having their own rooms as a treat though. It might at least lessen their bickering.

OP posts:
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