To think the teacher should have arranged a meeting?

30 replies

Asparagoose · 06/10/2022 14:47

Picked up my 4.5yo from school and his teacher pulled me aside to discuss his behaviour. In front of everyone she described how he’s behaving badly and they initially think it might be autism related, so they’re keeping him under supervision for now.

AIBU to think this was not an appropriate conversation to spring on me at the school gate without warning? And certainly not in front of others. She could at the very least have invited me to step inside privately for a minute, or even arranged a formal meeting to discuss DS’s behaviour with my husband present. I don’t know whether to complain or let it go, I just feel it was totally inappropriate.

OP posts:

Lndnmummy · 06/10/2022 17:03

glamourousindierockandroll · 06/10/2022 16:22

I am a teacher.

Stopping you at pick up to mention his behaviour - absolutely fine.

Casually dropping in that they think your son might be autistic is totally out of order.

They could have called or written to you in the coming weeks to invite you in for a proper chat and get your views/ experiences of him at home. Teachers cannot diagnose autism.

I remember how I felt after my son's first parents evening in Reception (summer born) and I am sure they were dropping in all the ASC traits to lay the ground work. Nothing ever came of it.

Thank goodness. That sounds like a much more reassuring post from a teacher.

Hankunamatata · 06/10/2022 17:16

Did the teacher say they think he has asd or did they ask you if you had any concerns

Redbone · 06/10/2022 17:23

Talking to you in earshot of other parents is NOT acceptable whatever is being discussed.

Loveacardigan · 06/10/2022 17:24

I think talking to you about behaviour concerns that have happened that day is fine. Going on to mention that they think your child is autistic is not ok in such a public arena.

Soontobe60 · 06/10/2022 17:34

coffeeandpoetry · 06/10/2022 14:54

YABU. I used to work in a school. This is typically what we tend to do, unless something more serious has occured.

With all due respect, if we had to arrange meetings with every parent whos child was behaving badly, we would never have time to get anything productive done.

Teacher and Senco of over 30 years here - this should never have happened! Anyone who did this in my school would have been pulled up by the Head and reprimanded.
OP, firstly, yes, the teacher should not be discussing your child’s behaviour in front of other parents. This is a violation of your DC’s and your privacy. Secondly, unless the teacher is a qualified paediatrician or psychiatrist, neither should they be saying they think your child has autism. As a Senco, I would speak to parents privately, talk about the traits we have seen in school, ask if they have noticed anything about their child that may signify other issues and then draw up an IEP to set a couple of targets to be reviewed in a few weeks. After a couple of cycles of this, then I may suggest external agency input. If the parent asks about autism, id point out that I’m not qualified to give a definitive diagnosis, but that there may be traits that could signify possible autism. Its most certainly not a conversation at the classroom door situation!

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