yorkshirepudgf · 05/10/2022 23:53
Posting for traffic and hoping that someone can help me to rationalise how frustrated I’m feeling at the moment as I’m having difficulty processing.
I work in an industry where unfortunately I have to deal with people experiencing MH issues and anti social behaviour on a daily basis. I’m pretty hardened to it but have to dial 999 at least once a month when I recognise that an individuals behaviour is either a harm to themselves or others.
I had an experience today where again I have had to call 999 and had to provide a police statement which will eventually end up in court where I will be a witness to assault on police officers but also a victim.
I’m a tough cookie but the way this individual acted towards me today is something that I’m feeling so frustrated with and I’m struggling to understand why. To summarise their behaviour towards me was threatening and they were male. Whilst making threatening remarks they were grabbing their dick but also putting 2 fingers between their mouth and licking their tongue between their fingers (hope that makes sense). It was a sexual insult and I am so wound up about it as I felt helpless because they were a 6ft male and I’m a tiny 5ft 2 female. I called 999 because of the threat and 2 officers were then assaulted by the individual. I’ve made a statement as a victim and a witness and the likelihood is that they will get charged.
So all good and the police have taken it very seriously but why I am I feeling so much rage and frustrations at the sexual remarks? This happened about 6 hours ago and I am still raging and struggling to calm myself down! I can’t really vocalise what’s I’m trying to say but I feel really violated by their gestures! I’ve had much worse said to me but this has really rattled me today!
Can anyone offer any words of advice please?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
WandaWomblesaurus · 05/10/2022 23:55
It's vile and demeaning and disrespectful behaviour with an implicit threat of sexual behaviour towards you.
You've had a horrible experience and you need to be able to process it and decompress from it.
SavoirFlair · 05/10/2022 23:55
I work in an industry where unfortunately I have to deal with people experiencing MH issues and anti social behaviour on a daily basis
what mental health support does your industry offer people like yourself @yorkshirepudgf ?
yorkshirepudgf · 06/10/2022 00:06
To be fair they offer excellent support. I’m the space of 3 weeks I’ve had to call 999 now on 4 occasions (violent behaviour, rioting, suicidal individual and this today). There was just something today about the horrible sexual remarks that I really can’t shake! I think it’s probably that in court it won’t actually seem that bad but I am so angry that a man can make me feel so belittled by making a gesture like that to me. I just feel really mad and felt so defenceless at the time.
LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 06/10/2022 00:07
Firstly so sorry you had to go through that OP.
Secondly what you’re feeling sounds very natural and is why I really despise this type of abuse, because it renders the victim helpless and exposed. He has violated you with those comments and it’s disgusting and wrong. You can’t control how it makes you feel but at the same time you want to work towards not giving him rent space in your thoughts as risk keeping the incident fresh and hurtful. Time and maybe counselling to work through the feelings if they stick. And if they do stick, it sounds like you have a stressful job OP, this could be cumulative of many feelings. Hope you have access to support 💐
I was verbally abused on my doorstep earlier this week and experienced frustration and anger that I can’t bloody say anything or defend myself because I risk an incident escalating. So this guy gets away with threatening and abusive behaviour!
Chonfox · 06/10/2022 00:12
Completely understandable to feel as you do. It was a violation and a threat. Is it worth it? The job I mean? I have a friend who works with homeless men so she tells me similar stories often. I always feel utter rage on her behalf and I can't understand how a smart woman with degrees and MAs coming out of her ears has lasted over a decade in a job where she's abused frequently. Luckily she's finally seen the light and is job hunting for something very different.
Life is too short to deal with this shit day in day out.
LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 06/10/2022 00:12
@yorkshirepudgf keep it factual, firm and calm in court.
You were thrown off guard by the nature of the abuse. Have you been in situations before where you’ve been thrown off guard and overcome? I bet you have. A couple of nights sleep to refresh and restore strength. You’re not a robot. If he’d given you a bloody nose you’d expect it to take a couple of days to heal, so why not the words?
yorkshirepudgf · 06/10/2022 00:13
Thank you all for helping me to feel I’m not being irrational.
@LiarLiarKnickersAblaze I’m sorry that you’ve had a horrible experience too and that you feel unable to speak out and the guy is going to get away with it. That’s very unfair and you will obviously have your reasons for not being able to. Sending you a big fat virtual hug xx
LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 06/10/2022 00:19
This is just a guy who has recently popped up and likes to loiter on various people’s front walls and spout abuse at the owners if they look at him. I didn’t respond to his confrontation or call the police because it risked it escalating.
We have builders in and they’ve said they will call police if he appears again because it’s an issue of their workplace safety, so that was reassuring.
yorkshirepudgf · 06/10/2022 00:24
@LiarLiarKnickersAblaze i hope that he backs off and reassuring that you’ve got people looking out for you xx
LakieLady · 09/10/2022 20:24
I work with clients with MH issues, but I'm not a MH worker.
If I'd experienced the sort of behaviour you describe, I'd discuss it with my manager and it would probably lead to an incident report being done and the risk assessment revised so that the client only has male workers from now on.
I'm sorry this happened to you, OP. What mechanisms does your employer have in place for dealing with issues like this?
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