To think the longer you spend out of a relationship the harder it becomes to contemplate getting in another one…

[Newsinglemum58]

Just that really. Three years out of a long marriage. Done a huge amount of work on myself in that time as it’s the first time in my life I’ve been on my own.

I’m now at the point of wondering how on earth I’d ever meet someone that I would be: emotionally drawn to, sexually compatible with, share similar life values, views on finances etc and manage to make the relationship work alongside working full time and raising my two daughters (11 and 14)..

Surely this is just so very unlikely as to be impossible, and not worth bothering/hoping it will happen at all! Or am I just being too negative and jaded?

I agree OP but then — I actively don’t want to give up the life I have built for myself and cherish. From the side of the water, it would feel like such a huge sacrifice for all but the complete perfect partner and I can’t imagine he or she exists!

Yes, I am starting to feel more like this every day! Such a long way from when I was younger, more naive and believed in the ‘fairy tales’ and ‘happy ever afters’ we get sold from a young age. It’s like realism replaced romanticism for me at the moment.

Well I agree, but see it as a positive thing. You discover you're perfectly happy single, you don't need a man any more (neither financially nor for children cos you have them). So, a man is only if it enhances your life. Boundaries are high. These are all good things.

Entirely depends whether or not you want to really. I've been divorced for 12 years and am now in my late 40s. I have zero interest in having a man hanging around in my space. If I fancy a shag, I go on a date, but that's vanishingly rare because men my age are not very appealing so I'd rather not bother. Single is great, there is nothing that could persuade me otherwise.

10 years single. The idea of sharing my bed and my house just doesn’t appeal.

So many men are selfish, misogynistic dicks and think they are gods gift, that I cannot be arsed to try and find a decent one.

6yrs widowed. I feel less and less lonely / less need for a relationship as time goes by. I do feel a bit sad about that though. And partly just can’t be bothered! Dating around young children is just hard and most people my age (30s) are coupled up so it’s very slim pickings.

If you have worked on yourself then I think it is more difficult to compromise/settle on a partner as you value yourself AND your much more aware of red flags.

You also have children to consider so whoever comes into your life must add positives. I have dated extensively in the last 4 years but no one has appeared who is worth "settling" for.

I'm not sure it's being jaded, perhaps realistic?

Do decent,single kind men exist? Yes, there must be some however if you overlay that with those you may have a connection witj the pool becomes very, very small. Add in compatibility such as children and location then it is needle in a haystack.

Yep! Was absolutely devastated in 2020 over someone I thought was the one. A year later jumped into a rebound because I thought I couldn't be alone anymore.

Fast forward to now, single for almost one year. Haven't so much as kissed anyone and I don't care. In my experience they either leave me feeling totally worthless or suffocated and irritated, depending on whether I'm the one too into it or not into it at all. Since I've "resigned" I've felt a relief of pressure that I've put on myself for the whole of my adulthood and am genuinely in a place where I want to be left alone.

I have no wish to share my home with anyone, compromise with anyone, sacrifice my space and time, put up with the inevitable kids or relatives, or split finances. It isn't perfect and of course there are downsides. But I honestly believe that's it for me now and if anyone miraculously came along to convince me otherwise he'd have one hell of a task in trying.

It's really tough, I was single.for the majority of 5 years before I met my current partner and it's been a fucking huge adjustment. I do think it's a good thing that you know you dont need another person to be happy. We are looking to move in together next year...sharing my home is going to be a real fucking test after 7 years of my own space

Was hurt very much by my last break up. Spent 5 years single and making sure I was happy. Loved it!
I have met someone who is brilliant! But I need that balance and love my own time

Yes I think it gets much harder to be in a relationship.
I have had one relationship in my life - my marriage the last years of which were emotionally abusive.

I got divorced at 49 and am now 53. I haven’t been in any relationship since and wouldn’t know how to be or what to do. Plus I am shy. At first I minded a lot, now I mind less and less. I can’t see why I thought I ever wanted to be with someone. A bit sad in a way but I am more focused on the fact that my life is a gift and I want to enjoy it.

A bit morbid, but when Deborah James was close to the end of her life she talked about how happy she was to still be able to feel the sun on her face. Things like that put everything into perspective.

I don’t why I ever thought the pinnacle of my existence would be finding someone to love me.

But I do feel that I have closed a lot of things off. And also that no one is interested in me at this stage.

I've been separated for just over 2 years now, and have no intention of being in a relationship again - ever!

I enjoy being on my own
I have 2 kids who currently need a fair bit of support
my libido is non-existent
I can't be bothered with all the "getting to know you"nonsense of dating
I am fed up of having to compromise and make myself smaller for a man.

So just one or two reasons then!

I was single for a number of years after an abusive relationship, there were men intermittently involved in between leaving him and eventually meeting DH but none that ever went anywhere.

When I met now DH I was so used to being on my own, I had no real interest in being with anyone. A friend

Ugh hit post accidentally!!

A friend convinced me to join old to just chat to people and I met my DH. We talked for 3onths before our first date and were friends, we would have stayed friends even if we hadn't gotten together. We've been together 5 years now.

Absolutely! I’ve been single 6 years now and I’ve never been happier.