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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the undertaker...

11 replies

FelicityFlops · 05/10/2022 17:24

How would you react/go about it?
I am one of 3 children, I am the eldest. Our parents both died within the last 5 years. Due to Covid and a telephone conversation, I thought one of my siblings was going to collect the ashes. They have not. I have just had an exchange with the undertaker and instructed them to inform me how to get the ashes to where I am, not UK.
This is hilarious and my late parents would love it!
I have also asked a pilot friend the same question (Lufthansa, so nothing dodgy there).
My parents visited loads of times, so they won't mind being at my house.
The only thing is, that we were supposed to do a family trip in the UK to scatter their ashes, which was never finalised.
What would you do?
My initial reaction is to get the ashes here and then decide.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 05/10/2022 17:26

Surely you should still be deciding between the three of you?

waterlego · 05/10/2022 17:26

I think you should decide in conjunction with your siblings. If the plan was to scatter the ashes in the UK, I think you should stick to that (especially if that was your parents wishes, as opposed to a decision made on their behalf) Do your siblings know you are planning to fly the ashes out to where you are?

MatildaTheCat · 05/10/2022 17:27

Why not just ask one of your siblings to collect and then arrange a date to scatter? Seems pointless dragging them abroad. Otherwise the undertaker will probably agree to store them until you are back.

Do you just want a story to tell people? I’d just be a bit baffled if you told me.

SageRosemary · 05/10/2022 17:29

Your post is not clear, you are not in the UK, are the ashes currently in the UK?

Trinkethearth · 05/10/2022 17:32

I briefly worked in a funeral home. We had a whole cupboard full of unclaimed ashes. They wont throw them away. Speak to the funeral directors and pick them up when you are next in the uk to scatter them.

kitcat15 · 05/10/2022 17:48

Have you asked your siblings opinions? Surely that’s what matters…why ask a group of randomers on MN? ….weird🙄

CMOTDibbler · 05/10/2022 17:55

If your siblings are in the UK, then the undertaker will hold onto the ashes till you are all able to meet up.
My parents ashes were with them for a few months due to lockdown, and they said that they had some for many years as people couldn't decide. They kept mum and dad together while they waited for me.

If your siblings aren't in the UK and the decision now between you all is not to do a UK scatter, then you'd need to use a repatriation service as they can't be sent by courier

coodawoodashooda · 05/10/2022 17:55

Trinkethearth · 05/10/2022 17:32

I briefly worked in a funeral home. We had a whole cupboard full of unclaimed ashes. They wont throw them away. Speak to the funeral directors and pick them up when you are next in the uk to scatter them.

Omg.

Longdistance · 05/10/2022 18:00

You’re making this more complex than it needs to be.
Plan a trip to the Uk, pick up ashes and meet with your siblings to scatter the ashes.

RiftGibbon · 05/10/2022 18:22

I don't want to upset you OP but one of my friend's mother's ashes are missing. They were posted to the UK from overseas, in 1975. Never arrived. I have no idea what the family did about the situation.

NotJustAnybody · 05/10/2022 18:24

I assume your siblings are not interested in collecting them? If you've given them fair warning, yes go ahead and arrange for them to be sent to you. However, if there are grandchildren involved, won't they want somewhere to pay their respects?

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