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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to book days off to spend with me and baby

26 replies

Anonnnn12 · 05/10/2022 17:08

Partners found out he has three weeks AL to use before the end of the year. When our second child was born 4 months ago he didn’t book anytime off work as it was a new job - literally none! Am I being unreasonable to still feel quite upset about that? I feel like work would have understood if he took time off last minute as he wasn’t entitled to paternity leave.
Anyway now he has time to use up, we have limited finances at the moment so any ideas welcome.

OP posts:
properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 17:18

Yeah he can take 1 day a week to look after baby while you go out maybe?

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 17:19

He could clean the house? Go for walks with you and baby? Spend the time selling old baby clothes on ebay

Crunchymum · 05/10/2022 17:20

Was he even allowed to take leave then?

Usual is you can't take leave in your probation period, I assume baby was born during this time?

If he is a good partner and dad, I wouldn't be bothered at all.

He can take it over off the coming weeks / months and help you out when he is home?

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 17:20

Can he carry anything over to next year? Might be handy if you are going back to work and baby is going to nursery as they pick up so many bugs

ReedOfFate · 05/10/2022 17:22

Could he look after the baby and you do some Keep in Touch days with work? Then you should be able to take those days in lieu when you go back, which should be handy!

Tohaveandtohold · 05/10/2022 17:23

If he’s not allowed to book time off at the time, I wouldn’t hold it against him as basically, there was nothing he could do. He can still use his leave now to take care of the baby now anyway while you do something for yourself

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 17:25

ReedOfFate · 05/10/2022 17:22

Could he look after the baby and you do some Keep in Touch days with work? Then you should be able to take those days in lieu when you go back, which should be handy!

My work paid me for the KIT days.

ReedOfFate · 05/10/2022 17:28

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 17:25

My work paid me for the KIT days.

Show quote history

Mine allowed me to choose (but OP says their finances are limited so maybe even better!)

NeedMoMoney · 05/10/2022 17:31

ReedOfFate · 05/10/2022 17:22

Could he look after the baby and you do some Keep in Touch days with work? Then you should be able to take those days in lieu when you go back, which should be handy!

I know this isn't part of the original thread, but the KIT days, can you use them anytime after you finish maternity when your back at work? Or do employers normal expect you to tag them all on at the end before you return to work?

Gooseberrypies · 05/10/2022 17:35

Crunchymum · 05/10/2022 17:20

Was he even allowed to take leave then?

Usual is you can't take leave in your probation period, I assume baby was born during this time?

If he is a good partner and dad, I wouldn't be bothered at all.

He can take it over off the coming weeks / months and help you out when he is home?

Don’t be ridiculous. It is absolutely not normal to not be able to take leave in probation period - some last 6 months! I get that some people may not want to for fear of how it looks, but that is not the same thing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/10/2022 17:36

He could reduce his working week down til the end of the year using the leave. He can then have a day with the baby each week to do whatever, park, walks, swimming etc.

Justcallmebebes · 05/10/2022 17:39

I've never heard of not being able to take leave during a probationary period!!

Cheeselog · 05/10/2022 17:43

Crunchymum · 05/10/2022 17:20

Was he even allowed to take leave then?

Usual is you can't take leave in your probation period, I assume baby was born during this time?

If he is a good partner and dad, I wouldn't be bothered at all.

He can take it over off the coming weeks / months and help you out when he is home?

I don’t think not being allowed leave in your probation is standard. I’ve had jobs where the probation period has been 6 months so that would be ridiculous!

I would be annoyed too OP, he could at least have taken one week off.

reigatecastle · 05/10/2022 17:46

In Germany it used to be normal not to take leave in your (six month) probationary period.

Anyway, OP you've got some good suggestions here. If you don't plan to go anywhere, getting him to take one day a week to use as he wants - to help, to give you a break, to do something together, sounds like a good option.

Original poster
Anonnnn12 · 05/10/2022 18:26

Thank you all, I will try and feel less upset but it’s just a bit annoying as it would have been helpful at the time. He was able to take leave (others at work were surprised he didn’t) but as he works from home and it was busy he chose not to.
The one day a week is a good idea, I feel exhausted at the moment.

OP posts:
mansviewpoint · 05/10/2022 18:28

Not taking leave in probation is false. A lot of companies won't allow you to take more than you have accrued in the first 3 months, but that's it. If it's a big company where he works why not name it, you may find that MNers work there and may be able to tell you the policy.
Personally I think that he's not telling you the full truth, which might be as simple as,he felt it looked bad, but soumething sounds slightly fishy... depending on whtat the company is and what level in the company he is at.

girlmom21 · 05/10/2022 18:29

Can he sell any of it back or carry any over to next year?

Midnights · 05/10/2022 18:31

If he can sell a week back perhaps for a cash boost? Then take a day a week to help lighten the load?

hesbeingabitofadick · 05/10/2022 18:41

Instead of taking the 3wks leave, can he cash it in instead?
It would make a tidy sum for winter/christmas etc.

MintJulia · 05/10/2022 18:47

Most of my jobs have not allowed holiday in probation periods.

If he has some time to book, you could book some around Christmas and have a really long break together, and use the rest for him having every Monday morning off, or something like that.

Sounds lovely.

MimiSunshine · 05/10/2022 18:47

If he can carry 5 over (most companies allow carry over) then I’d do that so he has more time to take with you next year.
Then I’d ask him to try and book a few days off over Christmas and use the remaining 7 days to make some weeks shorter.

FYI if you do intend to do some kit days and they’re paid (not time back in lieu) then keep in mind you will pay tax and NI on those days. For me it was only worth doing at least 2 days per month, otherwise it wasn’t worth the effort for the take home pay.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 05/10/2022 18:53

I would feel annoyed at that too, but sometimes these things can't be helped. I think it would be a good idea for him to take some time off now that he can to (1) spend some time together and (2) give you a break

TwoWrightFeet · 05/10/2022 19:05

If finances are limited maybe he can go away in his own?

HangOnToYourself · 05/10/2022 19:12

Usual is you can't take leave in your probation period, I assume baby was born during this time?

Classic mumsnet false information 🙄

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/10/2022 19:13

our plans for October/November are roughly the following: there’s free national trust tickets for families at the moment , do that one day with a picnic (it’s on national trust website)

one day go pumpkin picking, normally only a fiver or so near us

pick a dry day and wrap up and go to a beach town nearby and walk along the pier etc, see if your budget can stretch to some chips or donuts

hike with baby in carrier round local reservoir / beauty spot followed by coffee In the visitor centre or take flasks

go to a sensory room, by us it’s only about 3 quid for a baby and parent. (Maybe he could take baby and you have a swim or a chill out or whatever)