To ask about Snapchat

[Snapshit]

I feel like I’m out of the loop with Snapchat.
dd asked for it when she turned 13 ‘for the filters’ and I let her have it on the proviso I could check her phone whenever I asked.

6 months on she’s had various friendship and boy issues that I’ve become aware of-all complicated by the fact that of course with Snapchat you can’t see what’s been said.

she can’t regulate herself on there-she has a screen time limit and phone goes on landing at bedtime as otherwise she will spend all day and into the night on it.

now I’ve found she’s been adding people she doesn’t know-friends of friends, people she’s met briefly when out and then their friends and chatting with them, including sending photos etc.

she claims this is completely normal and everyone does it. I’ve given myself today to think about it but my inclination is that I ask her to remove everyone she isn’t personally friends with or loses the whole thing.

i don’t want to take away her channels of communication with her friends but I feel completely out of control.

what do others with kids of the same age do?

I'm on your side here. I think 13 is too young for her to be conversing with and sending pictures to people she barely knows. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to unfriend everyone she doesn't know well.

My dd had it. She's 12. She doesn't post photos of herself as she knows people in her year will see it. She only adds people she knows. Also they use others phones to take photos of the screen.

My 12 year old has it but saves all her conversations so I can see what she’s sending. I’m not sure you can with photos though but yes she is only friends with actual friends.

My rule is that my DC can only add people they are friends with IRL. I'm not super strict with their phones generally, but I think this one is important.

I don’t have kids this age, but isn’t it pretty naïve to believe it’s only friends/nothing bad is happening because you can’t see it? The stuff can delete automatically, pictures are gone with no proof or what is sent or received, it is easy to add people you don’t know and for people to create personas or conceal their identity.

My DD is only a few years off from this and I really don’t want her having anything to do with that app until she’s basically an adult.

My 13yo dd has had it since she was 12 I don’t know a kid in her large friendship group who doesn’t have it. Never had an issue with it and she’s got girls and boys from her year on it and also girls and boys from other schools she’s met through friends, she never posts on her story and never shares her location. She leaves her phone lying about and if I say who’s that say for example it’s going off constantly she’ll casually tell me or show me so I’ve never ever gone through her phone. She’s smart enough to know not to add strangers or adults outside the family I think it’s about trust and each individual , what’s ok for us might not be ok for somebody else

Good luck with that when all her friends have it.

I wish I’d never let her have it tbh but I feel if I go too strict now she will find a way to be sneaky.
i tried last night to delete some of the non friends but it’s not easy to a. work out who that is and b. stop them popping back up again in other chats!
i think I’ll have to sit with her this evening and cut the list down considerably.

Research news articles where people have shared photos / stalked / cat fished. You can't believe a word anyone online tells you.

Take control your the adult.
Scary horrible world we live in.
Years ago there was a saying don't talk to strangers. People seem to think it's OK to talk to anyone online though who they don't ķnow.

Mine don't have sit, neither do their friends bar a couple. School have asked specifically not to at their age and DH is a teacher and sees the fall out and vehemently against it.

BeReal seems to be the new fad and I'm trying to get to grips with that.

Mine have WhatsApp but know I check their phones anytime.

Oh jeez yes be real is big thing here too.

Social media is such a Pandora’s box. I really would advise anyone with pre teens to hold out as long as possible.

Ds is 13 he finally wore us down last weekend to agree to Snapchat. Our provisos were, messages and pictures have to be saved, location has to be switched off. Only friends from real life, no “friends of friends “. And yes we are checking just like I check his WhatsApp from time to time.

Its a bloody minefield!

Snap chat should be banned. Its an easy platform for bullying and hiding convos. Totally toxic app should be called snake chat.

I’ve removed everyone I can see from the map that isn’t local. I know that’s not fool proof but it’s a start.

Thank you.

Definitely agree that friends of friends, people you don't know IRL if a no-no. If all her friends are doing it then they're not being safe either.

Our DS had it until last week. He suddenly became really really moody and depressed. “Normal teen” I hear you cry. Oh no. Turns out there is this whole fight going on with a boy in their class. It turned very very toxic. He was telling me what people were saying, as if it was face to face, and it was mean. He told me that it was fine at school, it was all on Snapchat.

We put his time limit down to 20
seconds (it’s a bit of a joke in our family). He put up a slight fight, but I think he was relieved that we removed him from it. He can now say his evil parents have banned him. I am more than happy to be seen as the bad guy.

We will give it back, when this has simmered down. He is very very sensible when it comes to adding people.

In no way do I think this is the only way to deal with it but it works for us, for now.

Good luck OP. It’s the same as when they were toddlers, who didn’t want to sleep; “this too shall pass!”