Taking my 2 year old out of nursery for biting

[MrsRose2018]

My son is 2 (born end of June 2020) and, whilst absolutely no Angel, is generally one for the sweetest, funniest most loving little kids. His nursery have repeatedly told us how affectionate he is and how he is always the first to try abs comfort another child if they're upset.

HOWEVER, he's gotten into this awful phase where he is biting a kid literally every day at nursery. Usually out of frustration over a toy not being shared or sometimes overexcitement !This has been going on for nearly a month now on and off but isn't getting any better.

In his meagre defence, he never bit until he started in his new toddler room and was bitten like 3-4 times in a row so it's a learnt behaviour but it's going way past this now - he bit the same child 3 x this week alone.

We have literally tried EVERYTHING:

• ignoring it in case it's for attention (at home)
• sticker reward charts - at home and in nursery
• being calm but very firm - "biting is NOT nice/biting hurts/kind hands
• distraction
• Time outs - at home
• nursery have bought him bite buddy things for round his neck

I've just bought some books and nursery are suggesting shadowing him for a bit so they can intercept any biting attempts!

Nursery are great Tbf and say it's just a phase and he will get through it but I'm honestly distraught by it. To the point I'm considering taking him out of nursery for a month/a short period of time to try to crack the habit.

I'm even more concerned as I have a new baby due 20 December and I'm terrified of how this might make things worse.

My husband is completely against this and says that this is not the best way to handle it and we need to teach him how to handle his emotions in nursery rather than hide him away from it. He also says it's not the right thing for our Son who is very active and does adore being in nursery.

I completely accept this point but I just can't carry on like this. I'm crying every day after collection imagining how these poor bitten children and what their parents think!

I feel like a total failure and I just need to do SOMETHING!

Thoughts welcome x

Jesus, don't take him out! Loads of them do it, it passes.

I agree with this.

My DS was repeatedly bitten by one child in nursery - drew blood quite a few times and one time was on his nose!

I didn't blame the child although for a short time I did want to bite them! Nursery did all they could and I am sure the biter's were upset too.

I would leave him OP - nursery should be stopping it as much as they can. Good luck

What would you do if your child was the Biter ?

Nursery really should be shadowing him at all times by this point. Of course it is a phase and it probably won’t last long but they do have a duty of care to protect the other children there. I would be devastated if my daughter was being repeatedly bitten and would remove her if nursery weren’t protecting her.

I’d come down on them like a tonne of bricks so that they knew it was in no way acceptable rather than be all nicey-nicey-kind-teeth permissive parent. I probably would gently bite their hands if they did it to me to demonstrate that it hurts (and no, I’ve never slapped). Ultimately I’d pay for 1-1 care until they were no longer a risk to other children and accept that the nursery may not want them in at all.

So you would bite your own child to show biting is not OK?
If your child stated slapping you or kicking you would it becomes to slap and kick them back ?
Nobody wants their child to be bitten or too bite but many toddlers do go through this phase and some can be both biters and the recipient of bites .

Come down like a tonne of bricks on a two year old 🤨

You absolutely must not bite your child. Please don't do it.

The only time, many years ago, I ever lightly slapped a child in pure frustration (because I had had to go upstairs to her over 30 times in one night) resulted in her biting her little brother badly. Obviously it was my fault, and I never did it again, and still wince about it now. If you behave violently to your child, it teaches violence.

My children have never bitten or slapped me or anyone else. I’m not suggesting biting to hurt but just to give the sensation that it’s unpleasant, in the same way that’s you’d say you can’t come in the bath because it’s too hot and letting them put a finger in to see what it feels like without scalding their whole body. And yes I’d absolutely press my teeth lightly against their hand and say “does this feel nice? No, we don’t bite” if nursery have repeatedly said not to, and the alternative is to lose my job because my child is hurting others and has been banned from nursery! Two-year-olds do understand being told off and being praised.

I can completely sympathise. My DS went through a biting stage. A couple of horrible incidents at a playgroup. But it passed pretty quickly. I'm pretty sure it was linked to frustration, not having the language and knowing how to express feelings, learning to share etc. It was a really hard thing to address at home as it only really occurred with other children of a similar age.
I would keep an open dialogue with nursery, ask everyday how it's going. At that age I think it has to be immediate response 'no that's not ok' to the reaction to bite so nursery are well place to help resolve it.
It isn't acceptable, but I think addressing it and watching for the signs is the best solution.

Hey OP! Realise this is old but was wondering if this did indeed pass as many others suggested, or what you did to address? My son (2.5) has moved to a bigger nursery and is a serial biter - very similar situations to yours and today I uttered ‘we must move him out’ in frustration! I know I’m being hasty - any thoughts?

thank you!

I could have written this exact post 4 years ago!

My son went through a biting phase. I remember crying in the parking lot of his nursery, feeling so bad that he was still biting, and telling the nursery manager that I was worried everyone would think he was a bad kid. She was amazing, all the staff were, and after a few months he stopped.

At home we read “teeth are not for biting” and gave him bite toys (but he wasn’t interested). We tried dried mango as a snack as it’s something chewy that might give him the sensory input he was looking for. We redirected as much as possible and nursery did the same. And it did stop.

So don’t worry. I know it’s a horrible phase to be in and you feel so bad, but it will pass. You’re doing everything right (except maybe timeouts, which I’m not a fan of, but that’s a different conversation). Just hang in there and don’t take LO out of nursery.