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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find a holiday not a holiday

25 replies

LostSleep · 04/10/2022 21:22

Since having children I have not found a holiday at all relaxing. DH wants to go on holiday, first in 3 years, with his parents.

His parents have never been on an all inclusive but I find self catering holidays the same at being at home but in a different place without home comforts. I'm also one of those types that burns instantly in the sun.

AIBU to think for me it would just be a waste of money? We have two children DS1 (4) and DS2 (2 months). MIL will take care of DS1 and take over all the food prep/cooking. I'll be with DS2, staying in the shade. DH will get to relax at least.

If anyone has any nice holiday ideas somewhere reasonably warm for this time of year please do let me know.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 04/10/2022 21:28

No to self catering ! You’d need another holiday to get over it 🤣

Freespirit12 · 04/10/2022 22:49

I absolutely agree that a self catering holiday as a mum is no way a holiday.

I came back exhausted over the summer. All the planning, prepping, cooking etc wiped me out.

My advice is to go all inclusive, till the children are a little older.

Dubai is a nice place for families to visit.

CheezePleeze · 04/10/2022 22:52

Sounds like a lovely holiday for your 'D'H.

Does no-one else matter to him?

Falmerjeans · 04/10/2022 22:56

Honestly, this would have been perfect for me. Everyone is different though.

Notimeforaname · 04/10/2022 23:05

Canaries maybe? How long are you all willing to travel/fly for ?

Notimeforaname · 04/10/2022 23:07

And if your in-laws dont want to do all inclusive but you do, many hotels give the option to choose so you could all be happy. Or stay in separate hotels but near.

stayathomer · 04/10/2022 23:11

4 and 2 months … personally I wouldn’t see it as a holiday either, very difficult with travelling. We did some lovely staycations where you were only about 2 hours drive from home

TempNameChangexx · 04/10/2022 23:29

Agree with others, self catering isn't a holiday !

Arenanewbie · 04/10/2022 23:33

All inclusive is the way, it will be simpler and even cheaper probably.
I would rather send my DH away and stay at home then go on self catering holiday with PIL, at least at home everything is organized already.

5foot5 · 04/10/2022 23:38

TempNameChangexx · 04/10/2022 23:29

Agree with others, self catering isn't a holiday !

I have to disagree. If we are going away for a shorter break we might choose hotels, but if we are having a longer holiday, say a week or more, I much prefer self catering.

It just feels more relaxed because you can please yourself when you get up, what you do, when you eat. Plus you usually have more privacy and space.

We often holidayed with PILs when DD was young and it worked well. We took it in turns to cook (we all like cooking) and PILs always pleased to have the chance to spend time with DD. Also DH did his share of childcare. If your DH doesn't then your issues extend beyond the holiday.

GroggyLegs · 04/10/2022 23:45

Falmerjeans · 04/10/2022 22:56

Honestly, this would have been perfect for me. Everyone is different though.

Same here!

Get a nice villa, own pool. You'll get a bargain last minute.
Kids can splash & scream and you're not all stuck in one room.
Go out for dinner or get somewhere with a BBQ and make DH & FIL do it.
See if you can persuade ILs to let you escape for dinner as a couple one night.

Ideal.

GroggyLegs · 04/10/2022 23:46

Caveat: we've rebranded 'holidays' as 'time as a family' because let's face it, there's no relaxing going on with kids present.

echt · 04/10/2022 23:52

I'd certainly give up on any idea that a holiday is relaxing with small children, in fact I'm not sure holidays ever are, it's about difference.
The real issue is your DH. Mine did all the cooking (all the time), so self-catering was not an issue. He needs to step up on the childcare front.

wherearemyspecs · 05/10/2022 00:16

We've always holidayed SC since DC's were 5 weeks (twins) I don't find it stressful. I think the people saying about 'all the planning and cooking' are being slightly dramatic. We just ate as we wished. Did a food shop when we arrived in the town we were staying in. Got lots of picky bits. Salads. Meats, cheese, Some fresh bread. Frozen croissants. Some bits for one fried brekkie, some pizzas and snacks, juice and drinks.
Mainly had grazing breakfasts, if s large one then no lunch but if smaller then we'd have some bread with bits for lunch unless we were out somewhere for day in which case we'd find a cafe or buy a sandwich. Dinner was stuff with salad - pizza, chicken, jacket potato etc I'd made the big bowl of salad up at the beginning of the week and it did a few days.
We made sure we had a caravan that had a wrap around decking with a gate. Kids could run around outside but be safe.

HighlandPony · 05/10/2022 00:16

It’s never bothered me but we’re the camping and caravanning type rather than the go abroad and lounge type. If your in laws are planning on doing the cooking and looking after eldest than that would give you a bit more peace no? If you were at home you’d have both kids and the cooking?

Original poster

LostSleep · 05/10/2022 07:14

DH does do his fair share, but he's one of those that moans about everything. His mum will take over too. But then we feel guilty for her doing everything and we don't particularly like her cooking. Feels very first world problems but when you're spending quite a bit of money, you want to relax.

There's also the constant questioning from MIL - how was your sleep etc. I have a 2 month old, sleep is pretty awful.

I'm clearly just very grumpy!

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 05/10/2022 07:22

Freespirit12 · 04/10/2022 22:49

I absolutely agree that a self catering holiday as a mum is no way a holiday.

I came back exhausted over the summer. All the planning, prepping, cooking etc wiped me out.

My advice is to go all inclusive, till the children are a little older.

Dubai is a nice place for families to visit.

Err not in the summer it's not if the OP burns!

I found SC easier with small children, easier to get food as and when. plenty of room in the evening to chat and spread out, a washing without having to wake the children. A washing machine.
We always booked a sitter for a couple of nights and went out to eat.

I find eating out with a 2 year old anywhere an utter pain.

If you do get a pool, make sure it's fenced.

reluctantbrit · 05/10/2022 07:25

I love self-catering, especially when DD was young. Hotels were just stress with her being an early riser and not happy to go to sleep late.

But - I would never go on a holiday with my in-laws or my mum. That's my idea of a disaster one. We did short weekend trips but that's the extend of it. And I do get along with them very well.

H1Drangea · 05/10/2022 07:38

Speaking from my experience …

Don’t holiday with the inlaws , they never help as much as you hope they will , they just interfere

A holiday with a 2 month old is not a good idea .
we went to a timeshare in Spain with my parents when we had a 3 year old and 8 month old who was breast fed , that was a good holiday

partly because it was in March , when the weather wasn’t too hot ,
my parents took their car which we all fitted in and picked us up from the airport
they’d been there loads of times and knew the area well

in about 2 years time got to a nice all inclusive resort with a kids club , somewhere not too far away eg Spain , Balearics ..until then it’s easier to stay at home

Bunnycat101 · 05/10/2022 07:44

I wouldn’t go away with a baby that young. Did it once with a 10m old self catering with in laws like you and it was no holiday at all. From 2 mine have enjoyed going away and each year it has got easier but I think unless you have a kids/club you’ll always be ‘on’ until children are old enough to be in the pool
on their own or happy reading a book to themselves. I’ve said my max is 7 days self catering before I start to find it a chore.

WinOutdoors · 05/10/2022 07:44

Self catering accomodation doesn't mean you need to cater for yourself. For me it's the flexibility to try all the local restaurants and the facilities to make a simple breakfast or lunch if you want to.

Eating real local food is the best part of a holiday for me (from markets, supermarkets, food stands and restaurants) so I avoid AI and its mass catering.

That said holidaying with any "others" is hard going. I'd do a long weekend at most.

junebirthdaygirl · 05/10/2022 07:51

This time last year we were in the Algarve for two weeks and it was a steady 25 degrees everyday..perfect. But there is no way l would cook on holidays. I go away to get away from cooking/ cleaning/ tidying so l love my holidays as there is none of that.
When our dc were the ages yours are we went to Lanzorote and it was so lovely sitting under an umbrella breastfeeding in October rather than looking out at the rain at home. 4 year old ..with dh ..spent the time in the pool or the sea and had a ball. We had a ground floor apartment right by the pool so could pop back in for baby 's nap and sit at the patio doors reading while she slept. But no inlaws and no cooking!! Just eat out..outdoors in a warm atmosphere. Its just a lovely family time.

outtheshowernow · 05/10/2022 08:02

I would only go all inclusive and take ready made baby milk if you are bottle feeding. Tenerife is quite warm still in October and I'd pick a family complex with kids entertainment and play parks etc If your husband and parents are on board to all share the load you should have some resting time

Original poster

LostSleep · 06/10/2022 18:27

We are now going to Cyprus to a self catering with a pool, that is near enough the restaurants/beach to be able to eat out. Hopefully enough of a compromise for everyone.

I'll still be sitting in the shade with the baby, but who will be 4 months by then.

OP posts:

budgiegirl · 06/10/2022 18:47

When my 3 kids were that age, we always went self-catering. I found it much easier than staying in a hotel - easier for getting things in for the kids that they'll eat, preparing bottles etc. Everyone in their own rooms (except the baby) , kids can nap in the day, we could sit around the pool in the evening after the children were in bed. We went twice with the in-laws, and they were a big help. We mostly ate out in the evening, with days at the villa.

Everyone pulled their weight - that's the important bit. Even FIL (who usually did very little at home) helped by entertaining the kids.

So really, it depends on how helpful you think your DH and in-laws will actually be. Why are you saying that your DH will be able to relax? Surely he should be helping by taking turns so you can all have time to relax? If you don't think he will, then I wouldn't be prepared to go on holiday, whether it be self-catering or hotel.

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