Separation and childcare

[Here4helpp]

Can anyone help me please?

Ive separated from my child’s mother for reasons I’ll not go into but I’m really struggling with where to turn now.

I’ll try to include as much relevant information and not drip feed.

My Child is 2 and his mum works equivalent to 3 days a week.

We share the child 50/50 and I’m paying more in maintenance than recommended using the calculator. I’ll provide absolutely anything the child needs clothes, nappies etc but nothing seems to be enough.

Recently my sons mother has said unless I pay the nursery bill she is going to cut contact (a threat she uses regularly).

i don’t mind contributing to the nursery fees as he is my son too and I work full time so also benefit from him being at nursery.

Ive just been made aware that my son receives 15 free hours a week.

its recently been mentioned that as his mum is a single parent as much as 85% of his childcare may be being funded so as I’m paying the nursery fees is there anyway I’ll be able to find out if she is claiming it back through universal credit?

This is all new to me and I don’t understand any of her entitlements.

id also like to add she lives in a nice house and isn’t scrimping, I’d never see them go short - she just seems to be out for all she can get from me and making threats that I worry she’ll see through if I don’t keep paying to meet her demands

sorry if I’ve rambled. Any advice would be appreciated.

TIA

I think it’s time to go down the route of setting out custody legally. You shouldn’t be beholden to
ner every whim based on this threat of withholding access

If you're worried she's pocketing the difference, make sure you pay your half directly to nursery?

That wouldn’t stop her claiming through UC as I’d assume nursery will only supply one invoice

Yeah so I can pay directly to nursery but it’s come to light that she can take the paid invoice and claim 85% back through UC. I’m already paying almost double in maintenance because it’s for my son, having him 3 (sometimes 4 nights a week) and buying all the essentials he needs. This just feels like the final straw

Thank you, I’m very grateful for your reply. I was hoping to avoid the disruption but you are right

Stop paying double maintenance and go through CMS. It doesn’t have to be her that initiates it, you can contact them too. Pay her the amount you are supposed to, and spend the rest directly on your son.

Your money would be better spent making sure your son has everything he needs at both his homes.

Do it all legit, go through cms/Court. She's just taking the piss. My 3 kids go to their dads one night a week and I take nothing off him even though he earns significantly more than me and has barely any outgoings 🙄

If you have 50/50 no maintenance is due and I could be wrong but I'm not sure she'd get 15hrs and 85% back, it's one or the other I thought? Hopefully another poster can correct but say hypothetically his nursery bill is 500 and mum is getting 425 back through uc then its not right for you to pay 250 in my opinion.
Can you formalise contact through court if this is best for your child? Do 50/50, pay for your days nursery is needed, split ckub expenses and up to his mum how she then funds hers. Dont allow your child to be used as a weapon against you.

Can you ask nursery to invoice you separately only for your half/ensure you are the only parent named on invoices you pay? The 15 hours aren't really free, the government doesn't fully fund them so almost all nursery setting have pricing structures that enable them to recoup the difference elsewhere, so there may be more bill than you expect.

She shouldnt be charging you for costs she is recouping through UC, however.

It does sound like you need to go the legal route. Focus on ensuring your child has everything he needs when you have him.

Thank you. Whilst I know this should
be done properly through CMS if I do this this will significantly drop what I’m paying and she may withdraw contact to up her entitlement.

Another issue with this is that going through court can’t not only be costly but it can be such a long process where I wouldn’t be seeing him and I just don’t want to go that long without him e specially while he’s still small

If you have 50/50 no maintenance is due

Just to be clear - this is not always the case if there is a large disparity in income.