To have asked for space?

[confuseled]

I've been dating a guy for a couple of months but it's been quite intense. I recently started to have some doubts. Some related to him, but some about my own preparedness for a relationship.

Instead of ending it completely, I was (somewhat) honest with him that I needed a bit of space but would still like to see him, although I understood he may not want that. He was lovely and said he'd be ok with that.

I have a friend who was completely outraged by this approach and said I'm awful for 'stringing him along' and not just ending it.

I genuinely am unsure though. He's completely lovely and I like him very much, but the intensity of our communication/dates is making it hard for me to get perspective on some particular concerns.

I'm really weighed down by my friend's outrage though and it's almost pushing me to end it entirely, just because I feel like I'm somehow being a terrible person without really understanding what I should've done differently!

When I say "end it entirely", I mean with the guy I'm dating! It wasn't meant to sound quite so dramatic.

Some related to him,

This is an anonymous forum. So, what are the concerns about him @confuseled ?! Then we can tell you if you’re being unreasonable or not

but the intensity of our communication/dates is making it hard for me to get perspective on some particular concerns.

again, what concerns? What’s so intense that it’s stopping you from getting perspective?

Right now this post is worded so cryptically that I can’t give you any perspective

I wasn't trying to be cryptic or drip feed.

I guess my question more broadly is:

Is it reasonable for anyone to ask for space when they have doubts in early dating, rather than ending the situation entirely?

I was really surprised that my friend felt this wasn't a reasonable request.

In fact, in my case i'm actually not sure what suddenly put me off and whether it is therefore genuinely an issue with me and not him.

I'm trying to figure these things out but I really do like him and enjoy his company and don't want to hastily write him off. We've been seeing each other several times a week though and I felt I needed some space to collect my thoughts.

Its okay to ask for space if you are genuinely trying to figure out what you want and the other person seems to be in control of the pace, filling your head with their thoughts and keeping you busy all the time so you can’t honestly tell what you really think.
Its not okay to ask for space if you are the one who has been setting the pace, going in hard, etc, and are now starting to cool off because your projection isn’t working on a real person -you are in denial, taking the cowards way out, stringing them along until you find someone new to project onto.

Your friend has probably experience of the second scenario which is why they flew off the handle. If the first scenario is true, don’t worry about your friend.

Why not just tell him he is too intense and you'd rather take it a bit slower.

Asking for space is a bit of a strange way of handling it to me.

Of course it's reasonable to want space. However if I were you I'd reflect on whether you're a people pleaser (especially with how worried you are about your friend's reaction, and even the fact you're friends with someone who honestly sounds a bit overbearing) and whether the crux of the issue is you feel smothered, are seeing red flags, but are worried about being alone too and he's not giving you any chance to think things through (a tactic which is intentional with love-bombers and they often target people pleasers)?

I think wanting space so early on suggests you're incompatible

I think in your case you are totally reasonable to want some space to think about things.