Work "bestie"

[Gem8701]

Hi All,

So I have recently started seeing this guy called Mike, anyway mike has a really good job and his work bestie is called Laura, they video call quite frequently and apparently are really good friends.
Laura said to him “if she hurts you I’ll come over there and smash her face in”
Is it just me or is this vile? I personally would never say that, I just don’t think it’s a nice comment.
And I also don’t think he should of told me – obviously I wasn’t gonna be happy about it.
Furthermore he’s going through a divorce – they where together 16 years – apparently she was controlling, he brings her up a lot. We spoke about the bedroom stuff the other day and he brought her up then and I said “I don’t need to know about yours and Lauras sex life” (His ex is also called Laura).
Is he just a bit dumb or are these red flags?

Thanks ladies - no more comments please, i've ended it and am really upset x

Don't be silly. They are just friends

Laura - the bestie - sounds awful. Threatening to smash someone's face in.. Stay classy Laura!

As pps have said, get out now, while you can!

You have ended it? In the hour and a quarter since you posted the OP? That was chuffing quick!

😞

I have known a few men like that, who love the attention from women at work. And the 'work women' love it too, and get really annoyed when the man's wife appears, like she is a threat to them. They think if the wife wasn't there she would have him all to herself. Bizarre and narcissistic behaviour! (From the men AND the 'work women.')

Are you OK?

If you finished with him because you were uncomfortable about this friendship and his ex wife stuff then fair enough but I really hope you didn't end it just based on a few internet comments.
"smash yer face in" is quite a common jokey phrase in some areas. I have been known to say it in jest but I would never ever actually smash anyones face in.

Does nobody have a sense of humour anymore?

The ex wife may well have been controlling, many women are you know.
Whatever happens, I hope you are OK OP.
💐

At 16.13 you asked if you should talk to him about it and at 16.29 it was all over?? That's quite the operating speed. To be honest, who has work "besties" -the whole situation sounds like too much drama - what age are you all? It sounds like 6th form with all this talk of smashing people's faces in.

Get rid.

I wouldn't have ended it because of Laura's comments; it was a stupid comment made in jest. I'd have laughed if I'dve heard that.

Also bedroom stuff. My DH and I have discussed sex with our previous partners on numerous occasions, in fact I know exactly what his XW liked or didn't like in bed. Is that weird??????

But in the end, you have to do what's right for you OP. Im not a massive fan of "female friends" that are like girlfriends in that they occupy a great deal of the male in question's time and attention.

One of those things has got nothing to do with the other.

You either find it a red flag that he decided it was a nifty idea to relay his friend's violent impulse toward you, that he slates his ex, & talks about his sex life with his ex to you ... or you don't.

What do you expect could be gained from "mentioning" these red flags to him?

He behaves in ways you dislike, & you are disturbed enough to post about it here. It's not a woman's job to educate a man in how to behave. It's her job to find a man who already behaves well.

Are this bloke & Laura 12 years old?

Sorry OP, see you have bitten the bullet & finished it.

It's ok to feel sad & disappointed - the feelings shouldn't last long - this man's a wrong-un. He;s not divorced yet, brandished his 'bestie' in your face & told you about his wife's sex life. Yuck. You are well rid of him - he is the type that likes to keep a woman undermined & uncertain.

Life's far too short to put up with that shit.