Do you feel like you've failed if ex has a new partner and you don't?

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm in this position - and I feel this really keenly- like somehow I am a failure as I haven't found anyone else- I don't know why I feel like this, but I do!

Help me cure myself of such a damaging thought process!

No. Some people settle because they don't like being single. Anyone can do that.

I think a lot of men can’t handle being on their own, especially much older ones. Every single older woman I know personally - either widowed or divorced- has stayed single and has a much more fulfilling life than she did whilst married. I only know two older men in the same situation and both of them were remarried within 6 months. One of them was horribly shafted financially by his new wife and ended up in penury. Just an anecdote I realise but they were desperate not to be single.

I did once hear the theory that if you were happy , you'll move on quicker as you want to replicate it- if you were unhappy, you'll be reluctant to do it again- or at least, you won't actively seek it out

Actually no. I want to learn to be happy by myself. Then if a relationship does come along it’s a plus, but I will still know it’s possible for me to be happy and contented with life on my own and don’t need to rely on someone else for my happiness.

What SBXH does is honestly irrelevant. I guess I’m lucky though as I have moved a long way away, so don’t ever run into him.

I want to get to this and REALLY feel it, not just say it

I want mine to move away- I'm still nervous of bumping into him (small town)

No, I made the conscious decision not to date and to focus my time and money on DD. Ex has a new baby and DD enjoys having a sister and getting to see her but doesn't have to put up with the sleepless nights regularly.

As she entered her teen years, said to me "you know it's OK if you want to date" which was never the issue although it was followed quickly by "as long as our house stays just the two of us"

So no I don't feel like a failure, he's remained in the same job role for over a decade and in the time he met a partner and had a baby I learnt to driver, completed a degree, started a new career, independendently financed a kitchen and bathroom renovation and bought my flat outright. As well as having a child who is kind, happy, academic and progressing in her chosen hobbies. Much more to me and success than a man.

I would expect that's a fairly common thought. You'll find someone, I do think it's better waiting for the right person than jumping into something too soon

No I think I’m not desperate and will go with just anyone for the sake of having a new partner.
learn to love you first xx