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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I report this dog for biting DH?

119 replies

heldinadream · 04/10/2022 10:17

Posting in AIBU for full range of opinions.
We live in a village. We’re having our bathroom done so are temporarily without a bath or shower, and some people we know (but not well) very kindly said we could use one of theirs, we’ve got a key and freedom to come and go.
All good and lovely. Incredibly kind of them.

They have a very large garden and a dog that runs free in the garden.
I went a couple of times to use the shower and I wasn’t comfortable with the dog, who looked at me suspiciously and followed me, so I stopped going and I’ve managed without and also spent time away so I can shower elsewhere (yes it’s taking a ridiculously long time but that’s another story!).
Anyway long story short my DH, who has happily gone there probably a good 20 times now, was chatting to one of the parents of one of the owners a couple of days ago and the dog approached him and bit him, through his trousers, unprovoked in any way as far as I can tell, skin not really broken but a massive blood clot thing just under the skin and a bruise.

Obviously DH – completely unfazed, because that’s him – has told them, they are upset and apologetic but also were concerned that we don’t report it, AND have admitted it’s not the first time dog has bitten. Second time IF they are being straight with us. DH not only happy to let it go but fully intends to go shower again and just says he’ll avoid the dog if necessary! I’m like – how? What if the dog follows you?

The people themselves are almost never there when we go, by the way.
The more I think about it, the more inclined I am to want to report the dog. But – it is in its own garden. And I really don’t want to upset these people, who are both nice but also pretty kind of powerful locally – unlike me, I’m an invisible sort. But I’m cross they think it’s ok to have the dog run free and yet gaily say to people to just come in, and presumably people who deliver stuff have to run the gamut of the dog, too.
AIBU to even consider reporting the dog?

OP posts:

Octomore · 04/10/2022 11:03

Mangogogogo · 04/10/2022 11:01

Yeah I get you.
However, this was a stranger coming into the dog’s home. Plenty of people have guard dogs and they’re not illegal.

the dog will 100% not be PTS for this incident.

im not really sure what the op wants from this

Show quote history

This wasn't a guard dog situation because the stranger wasn't on their own - a relative of the owners was there. And the dog still bit.

Octomore · 04/10/2022 11:04

Mangogogogo · 04/10/2022 11:01

Yeah I get you.
However, this was a stranger coming into the dog’s home. Plenty of people have guard dogs and they’re not illegal.

the dog will 100% not be PTS for this incident.

im not really sure what the op wants from this

Show quote history

Also, I have no view re: whether or not the dog should be put to sleep. But it should be reported.

The dog owners are pretty clearly not being responsible (a biting dog should be shut away when visitors are present), and they need a kick up the arse before something more serious happens.

Octomore · 04/10/2022 11:06

As a minimum, reporting it will make sure that there is a formal record of this incident should the dog bite someone again, or should there be a more serious incident.

Dog owning carries responsibilities, and preventing your dog from harming people is one of those. If your dog bites, and you have a visitor, you shut it away.

Original poster

heldinadream · 04/10/2022 11:11

OK my thoughts are now a bit clearer, and thanks to everyone posting. And I've just discussed this a bit with DH (but he's trying to WFH too).

I'm not angry with the dog and I don't want it put down. I'm angry that they invited us in to their garden and house and gave us keys without any warning that the dog could be a risk to us. I think this - and the previous incidents of biting and getting loose, in fact they leave the gates open quite often - makes them irresponsible dog owners. So really it's them I would be reporting, not the dog. Also I think my DH is being ridiculously blasé about it. He just said - I don't want to lose my shower - FFS!

OP posts:

pinkpotatoez · 04/10/2022 11:14

Don't report it for heavens sake. Just make them very aware that they need to deal with the issue, please don't get this dog put down it's guarding it own home.

smileandsing · 04/10/2022 11:16

This is a huge thing you're considering doing. If you report it you will cause a ruckus and the dog may well be put down, two things you say you want to avoid. There's no way you can do so without losing these people, who have helped you out a lot as friends, and more than likely everyone nearby knowing you did so. Bear in mind if you report against your husband's wishes you will have an issue at home too.
But if on balance you think reporting is the best course if action that's up to you, just be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
I wouldn't if I were you, I just wouldn't go back to their house.

Octomore · 04/10/2022 11:16

I agree OP - everything you have said indicates that these are not responsible dog owners. Far too many of them about, unfortunately.

vivainsomnia · 04/10/2022 11:21

There is a big difference between a dog snapping and a dog attacking.

This dig snapped at your oh. It was his home, a stranger showing up, his owners not there. If the dog was aggressive, it would have jumped on your dh and seriously injured him.

Your oh knows it and that's why he is happy to go again but leaving the dog alone I stead of maybe trying to pet it.

ConcernedMum22 · 04/10/2022 11:26

Apologies, completely missing the point here but 20 showers and still needing to go back more times.... How long is your bathroom work taking? I think that feels extreme - were the neighbours aware how long you would be coming and going for?

Octomore · 04/10/2022 11:27

This dig snapped at your oh. It was his home, a stranger showing up, his owners not there.

The owners' parents were there.

Original poster

heldinadream · 04/10/2022 11:30

ConcernedMum22 · 04/10/2022 11:26

We have been without a bathroom since May and it's likely to go on until xmas, I know, I know! They have been unfailingly generous and happy with us going there - I really like lots about these people. DH goes once a week. I've only been twice and am dealing with lack of shower by other means!
They have given no indication that they are remotely bothered by DH going there. DH and the woman have a work connection by the way, they are the 'contact point' between them and us.

OP posts:

Verytirednow · 04/10/2022 11:32

I would speak to the owners expressing your concerns .

Pumasonsatsumas · 04/10/2022 11:35

You could say you won't report if they can outline what steps will they take to ensure it doesn't happen again. What kind of dog is it? Our dog will take a nip out of strange men on our property so we always muzzle with visitors and separate where necessary. Took a couple of nips to accept this was now a course of behaviour - we were shocked and appalled the first time and desperately hoping it was a one off because of stressful circumstances (house renovation). Once clear it wasn't we booked a behaviourist. In fairness your husband was on the dog's property, the dog was unsettled by him and protecting his owners. I do sympathise but the owners need to stop hiding from what is now a repeat issue.

Hbh17 · 04/10/2022 11:36

The dog didn't hurt you, so I don't know why you are getting involved. If your husband wants to do something about it, he is free to do so. If he doesn't, then you should respect his choice as a capable adult.

Original poster

heldinadream · 04/10/2022 11:37

Verytirednow · 04/10/2022 11:32

I would speak to the owners expressing your concerns .

Yes I think that is the better course of action. Unfortunately I suspect they might be of the 'dog can do no wrong' mentality, and not much will change except that I will distance myself because I've seen this side of them. Hey-ho, not the end of the world.
DH hardly cares about any of it, his concerns are different to mine - getting a shower and having a good working relationship with the woman. He thinks the whole thing is over really.

OP posts:

Original poster

heldinadream · 04/10/2022 11:39

Hbh17 · 04/10/2022 11:36

You could be completely right about this. It's a perspective I often need to hear, so thank you.

Dog is a German Shep for people who asked.

OP posts:

FamilyTreeBuilder · 04/10/2022 11:41

XelaM · 04/10/2022 10:22

Wow talk about no good deed goes unpunished. They were kind enough to help you out and you're in the dog's home. Now you want them to lose their dog

Bitey dog gets put to sleep.

Shame.

OldWivesTale · 04/10/2022 11:44

God, I can't believe some people. They have let you use their bathroom, given you a key and now you want to call the police on them. Honestly, I despair with humanity sometimes. Most dogs will bite in some situations; it is protecting its home; this doenst mean it would bite whilst out and about. Your dp probably shouldn't go there again - although he's clearly not that bothered. Please don't be an idiot and report. The police really won't do anything about a dog nipping a stranger who goes into their home. And you will just
I look like a prize dickhead.

HappydaysArehere · 04/10/2022 11:45

The answer is the dog doesn’t know you as a friend of the family. His job is to look after the family and his home. You are not a regular visitor while his family are there. I would mention it to the owners in a light hearted manner but certainly not report the poor thing. Perhaps say something along the lines of you need to get to know the dog better. Maybe ask if you can bring a treat (Smackos go down well usually).

Oiseaux · 04/10/2022 11:47

Please report. A biting dog is a serious risk. What if it bites a child in the face next time?

Whitney168 · 04/10/2022 11:48

You could say you won't report if they can outline what steps will they take to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Surely the step the DH should be taking is not putting the dog in the position of feeling it needs to bite someone on its own property, and not having pushed it into it in the first place when it was clear the dog wasn't comfortable with it?

I am absolutely not a dog apologist, but it is clearly the humans who are at fault here - primarily the owners, for letting strangers in, when they have chosen to own a guarding breed that is not kept securely, obviously.

However, it's not like the OP's husband is e.g. a postman who has to go on the property to do his job or, as someone said above, a child visiting a house who would not be expected to understand the risk. A bit of personal responsibility and common sense is needed.

SirenSays · 04/10/2022 11:52

I think if you did it would be the last time anyone in your village helped you out again. Your own husband thinks it's a bad idea to report. I'd let him make the decision since the dog bit him, not you.

Mollymalone123 · 04/10/2022 11:53

Any unprovoked bite is extremely worrying and it doesn’t matter where it happened.Lots if people don’t seem to know that the law around control of dogs was tightened so even in your own home a dog must not be dangerously out of control-that includes biting.I’m a huge dog lover but you need to report to dog warden or police -as yes they will be interested .
when my dog a few years back was bitten by another dog the dog warden was amazing.

thenewduchessoflapland · 04/10/2022 11:54

Your husband entered his house alone without his owners;think about that.

Yes you've been there alone but you're female and yes some dogs can be distrustful of a certain gender of person or sometimes just certain people.

reigatecastle · 04/10/2022 11:55

Do you know if they always keep it on a short lead when they take it for walks OP? If they always have it under close control I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. However, it is the second time, and it could be a child next time. And even if it isn't, you'd still need to go to the hospital with a dog bite and have hours waiting in A&E. They should be making sure their dog doesn't bite people, whether at home or not.

Do you have a dog warden? You could report to them rather than the police (who probably won't do anything anyway).

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