Ex and dc medical app

[Cupofteaonesugar]

I have main custody of dc.
I have always taken him to his medical app, even when ex and I were together.
Ex sees dc but has been very unreliable recently and been cancelling ally.
Ex abused me emotionally after our split. He threatens to take children off me whenever I disagreed with him and tore me apart. We seem to have reached stable ground recently but mainly because I let him dictate to keep the peace.
Last time dc had a dentist app (which Was on my time) ex told me he wants advance notice about his appointments.
Dc has an app coming up so I told ex about it and he said he wants to take him. I told ex I would be present for the appointment but he is free to come. He's now saying he doesn't want to.
Ex has always accused me of exaggerating dc illnesses (which is ridiculous and not true).
I'm feeling like this is a control thing on his part. Why would you ask to take dc to the app on his own and I don't go? I would not trust ex taking dc to the app and addressing all concerns and giving me the correct information. I do not feel comfortable missing medical apps when o have always been there.
Aibu to say he can jointly attend but I will be there or is this controlling?

I think ex likes his face to be seen so he can present himself as the doting dad who is very involved. He cares very much about the opinion others have of him.
I think he's trying to a) do this to look good b) push me out of the apppointments c) control

It might sound minor, but obviously there's a history to this. I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable by saying that he can come but I'll be there too when it comes to medical appointments.

I think you are being completely reasonable.
Medical appointments are a two way conversation and to get the best out of them it is really important that the accompanying parent is completely up to speed with everything that has gone before, the treatment, response to treatment, any changes etc.
If ex has already decided that DC's illness is not significant and is being exaggerated by you, the appointment is not going to be effective if he takes DC alone.
You have suggested he comes with you and he has refused. That is up to him. Clearly he has no real interest in his child's health, he just wants to control you.

I know that he will accuse me of being controlling by me saying I will be there too so he doesn't go on his own but I want to be there because I care about the appointment which is why I take time off work for every single one.
Even if it's a check up or a vaccination, I will be there because I've always been there and I don't think it's fair for him to ask me to not be there so he can take him on his own.

I agree with you OP.
He can accuse all he likes.
You are probably going to have to practice saying "I am sorry you feel that way, but it is important, for continuity of communication and care, for the sake of DC's health, that I attend every appointment. You are welcome to be there too".

I think if its his time he should take him. I don't think you need to be present for every appointment.

Thank you!
I just really needed to hear this. He always has me second guessing myself because of the way he gas lit me in the past!

He just picks and chooses when he wants to be involved and what he wants to be involved in. I'm there for everything, every time and I don't want that to end because he makes me feel bad and then I regret it!

But why not?
If he decided he wanted to attend to every appointment I wouldn't say no.

I do not trust him at all to remember appointments, show up to them or give me the accurate information.

I think that if he was interested and involved, acknowledged the condition's his DC has, had always taken his turn, fully on board etc, I would agree.
But from what OP has said, he doesn't take his child's illness seriously, hasn't taken much interest up till now, only wants to attend if he can go on his own.
That doesn't sound to me as if his priority and motivation is his child's health.
Will he make the effort to participate fully in the consultation, take on board all the information and relay everything to OP? I get the impression he won't.

My DH is DSs father, lives in the same house, attends to all his needs. We are very much a couple, and a complete family.

The world would be burning before I would send DH to one of DS medical appointments alone without me
He freezes, knows noting of his recent scans, daily medication or treatments. And would reply "stuff" if I asked how the appointment went.

So you are absolutely right to tell your ex they he can go but only if you are there. He may be better at remembering the outcome of the appointment but the Drs need background info too and it takes time to gather again (like when they had to phone me from DS apt as he'd gone with Ds as I was in hospital)

So stand your ground firmly