Mums very different on social media to when you meet them in real life

[Harrystunesstuckinmyhead]

I have a dc, 4 and have been in a big mums friendship group since she was born. Everyone often does meet ups and new mums come and go all the time. I’ve made quite a few lovely friends through it, but have noticed a few mums have messaged me and we’ve had great messages back and forth, really friendly, kisses at the end etc…then when we meet up ( in the group) they’re not that friendly and generally don’t hear much from them again 🙈is it just me 🤷🏻‍♀️
Also, the group is all v chatty and jokey Witt each other on the Fb page, as if everyone’s really close and then at some meet ups, many don’t speak much to each other or don’t actually know each other at all…they definitely gave the impression they did.
Is it just shyness? Find it quite odd

People are very different online I find. I’ve been here donkeys under different names have met a few mumsnetters IRL. One poster who was very well known at one point for straight talking, sweary posts was actually very shy in the flesh. 🤷‍♀️

*With each other

It’s not just a thing amongst groups of mothers. I’m afraid it’s a phenomenon we all experience now. Lots of people find it easy to communicate at a distance via the written word - they can be witty and friendly and welcoming online. But that doesn’t mean they have the same skills face to face. And you don’t need ‘chemistry’ to chat online - so you don’t know that when you meet your interlocutor in person you’ll have nothing to say to one another.

I have a friend who acts very different online, has thousands of “friends” on Facebook constantly posts controversial stuff acts very outgoing and confident but irl she is so shy, quite low self esteem and has hardly any friends. The thousands are strangers.

@Beenheresomanytimesbefore It’s quite weird as they’re often jokey and funny and really open up…but sometimes completely different. I mean, I’m fairly shy but am sort of the same irl and would be friendly and try my best. The strange thing is how I thought everyone was really close from the interactions on posts and so on and then when I saw them altogether it was like they barely knew each other.
Ive wondered if it was me a couple of times as when we’ve met, it’s different and then after we don’t message as much. The majority haven’t been like that, but some definitely have and it’s baffling

I genuinely dislike my best friend online 🤣 her FB posts are so twatty. Tons upon tons of kid pics, lots of stealth boasting. IRL she's LOVELY! And clever, and irreverent, and not boasty at all. It's so weird!

I find it much easier to keep track of names rather than faces so it's 100% possible I could be chatty with someone online and then not remember were they the brunette in the stripy top skinny jeans and pink vejas or the brunette in the stripey top skinny jeans and red vejas.

Or I get confused if two moms are very close and always beside each other and I know one is Mary and one is Claire but they don't have a profile pic and one is chattier in person so I make a guess but could end up chatting online to the quieter one and not realise for ages.

And it's easier to keep track of a conversation online because you can check back their child's name and age and whether they're teething etc, but you can't do that in person.

I'd be quite liable to ask someone how they're getting on weaning with little jack only to be told that I've confused them with Susan who's weaning Sarah and someone else's son is jack and this woman has a newborn called Jill. Which makes me less inclined to say anything again in the future.

I met a mum at soft play and she was lovely but gave an impression of having a really lush, luxurious lifestyle. She had an Instagram page full of home inspo, fashion etc. Months later she invited me to her house and it was a total dive, really messy and badly decorated and she just took the instagram shots from the same few angles.

I don’t care either way but it was so weird how differently she painted herself and then was in real life

I agree with a PP - I’m in a group like this and I’m forever mixing up Anna with Hannah and Miles with Morris. And everyone bloody remembers me because I’ve got twins. So it might be that. I have to drink a lot of coffee before we all meet up.

But it’s exactly the same on MN.

Imagine if 100 of us were suddenly put in a room together - we wouldn’t immediately launch into the sort of intimate, searching, challenging conversations we engage in from behind our screens. We’d be making tentative introductions and asking each other politely how long our journeys to the venue had taken and whether there’d been much traffic on the motorway …

@Somethingyesterday True 🤣but on Fb etc, we’ve all seen pics of one another, our kids, our lives, families and often been inboxing for a while…some people are just completely different to how they come across

Or…I’ve been at a meet up that’s ok, but fairly quiet and dull and then a few hours later, there are loads of pics and comments thanking everyone for an amazing time etc and all these enthusiastic comments about how fun it was..it really wasn’t 😬

Years ago I knew a girl who had a very strong online presence. Her persona was very light hearted, warm, jokey, jovial, current; certainly she was entertaining to follow. In real life she had no personality, no social skills, no presence. It taught me a lot about judging someone by their online personality.

But is it all just being fake though…or just the fact some people feel much more comfortable being a different way online?

Could this be why OLD is so "hazardous" - same principles? I'm too old to have tried it - but it sounds like in the 'olden days' I'd be chatting to someone on the phone through work, male/female and sometimes would become chatty/jokey (or flirty) then meet them and it was 'yikes' or cringe - whichever fitted and i'd wished I could dial it back and it would be awks & bear no resemblance to all previous contact

Online friends are not real friends. Simples.

Well yes, it's like 'lovely warm ' celebrities on TV - when everyone can see them/read their messages, of course they are giving a good impression of themselves.

One-to-one, when they think they haven't got a massive public watching and listening, some people are not going to make the effort to be so 'lovely' and show their true colours.

But these people aren’t your friends are they….,,they are just people you message online…. Why not spend time with your proper friends instead of these people

That's the downside of social media. It's just a stage where people can re-invent themselves as some fantasy persona and write their own performance script. When prima donnas meet up IRL, of course they can't sustain the fake versions of themselves.

No wonder its causing so much harm to the self esteem and mental health of children.