My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think me being here shouldn't be a problem?

28 replies

mrsathome · 03/10/2022 15:50

I am working from home four days a week, and would like to have a nanny for before/after school runs and childcare and for our 2 year old. The agency have said they are struggling to find nannies to work in the same house as a parent. Why is this a problem? Can anyone shed any light?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

63 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
62%
You are NOT being unreasonable
38%
Azandme · 03/10/2022 15:53

I would assume it's because some parents micromanage when present.

TwoWeeksislong · 03/10/2022 15:54

Because your baby will want you all the time.

DenholmElliot1 · 03/10/2022 15:54

Yes. It'll be the interfering/micromanaging.

Chamomileteaplease · 03/10/2022 15:55

If the child knows their mummy is behind a door then they are unlikely to settle surely?

Many people would find it hard to be relaxed and act themselves if they feel their employer can hear them entertaining a little one and being silly etc.

They may feel watched the whole time.

I don't think it's hard to understand. Suits some, not others.

Relocatiorelocation · 03/10/2022 16:03

Because its probably much more pleasant nit feeling like you're being observed / the baby crying for you / being micromanaged.
Can you work from somewhere else?

mrsathome · 03/10/2022 16:05

But I am in an office right at the top of the house - I don't understand why this would be a problem at all. It's like I'm not there.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 03/10/2022 16:06

But you will be.
Pp's have all explained why, one will turn up though. Good luck

Relocatiorelocation · 03/10/2022 16:07

I guess you'd come out to use the loo or the kitchen?
It doesn't really matter what you think about the set up re, it matters what potential nanny thinks. I'm guessing parents working outside the home is a selling point now and they'll go for that option every time.

Bookworm20 · 03/10/2022 16:08

We had a nanny when I worked from home some years ago, and as mine were toddlers so wanted me every time they saw me.

The only way it worked for both of us was she would arrive and I would basically 'leave' the house, saying goodbye to dc etc so they didn't know I was actually in there working all day. I'd have to act like I wasn't there.

Nanny was fine with me being there as I kept compltely out the way. Then at time when I finished she would always take them in lounge to watch a programme and I'd be able to 'arrive home'.

Luckily the office I worked from was at the end of the house, next to a downstairs showerroom/toilet which was for a spare bedroom. So even nipping to the loo I couldn't be seen. It felt weird to start with, but prevented the inevitiable toddler crying when I left again everytime I popped out for a coffee or to see them. Also as it was at the end of the house I couldn't hear anything above normal background noises from the dc, and if I heard them crying I knew the nanny would be dealing with it fine as she was lovely with them.

shipwreckedonhighseas · 03/10/2022 16:09

It's unsettling for the child. They'll know. And you could appear at any moment. Unsettling for the nanny.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 03/10/2022 16:11

It's a nightmare. I struggled to wfh when DH for whatever reason looked after the kids at home when they were smaller. They knew I was in the house and spent loads of effort trying to get to me.

That said, I know some people who have done it. But you have to be SUPER strict. Don't come out of your office and absolutely no access for the children in the office. If you blur the lines it becomes problematic.

TwoWrightFeet · 03/10/2022 16:22

I’m sure they have heard all this before.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 03/10/2022 16:23

I usually WFH on DH's non working day and vice versa - it's fine! Our toddler is generally quite cheeky and boundary testing but he has hardly ever interrupted either of us.

As a PP said, key is total consistency - no ifs no buts, they do not come into the home office.

Our other rules are: text when you're going out with the toddler so the home worker knows they have a window to pop down for a coffee; and if you do pop out when the toddler is at home, you have to build in time to play for 10 mins, no making the kid sad by disappearing immediately

FlowerArranger · 03/10/2022 16:25

Have you considered getting a mother's help rather than a nanny?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/10/2022 16:27

I would hate to do a job where my boss would be essentially/potentially standing over me the whole time. So stressful.

JugglingJanuary · 03/10/2022 16:29

mrsathome · 03/10/2022 16:05

But I am in an office right at the top of the house - I don't understand why this would be a problem at all. It's like I'm not there.

They'll hear you moving around. Using the loo. getting a coffee, getting lunch...

coming to check every time you hear a whimper or one of them being told off.

commenting on what time they've gone out, for how long or that they haven't gone out.

it's a living fucking nightmare & the fact that you can't see how annoying it might be means it'll be even worse.

you ASKED why people didn't want the job, you've been told, it's up to you what you do about that, but you don't get to tell other people that they should be fine with it.

if you worked in the office, how would you feel if your boss brought their laptop in and sat at your desk??

Tomorrowisalatterday · 03/10/2022 16:31

You could consider what you could offer to make it more attractive - e.g. you could offer to give them a proper lunch break off - most nannies don't get a child free lunch break so that might make it more attractive

JugglingJanuary · 03/10/2022 16:35

Tomorrowisalatterday · 03/10/2022 16:31

You could consider what you could offer to make it more attractive - e.g. you could offer to give them a proper lunch break off - most nannies don't get a child free lunch break so that might make it more attractive

Yeah you could conduct pushing the advantages, but an actual lunch break wouldn't really be much use. Finishing on time on the other hand...

but someone who isn't At All aware of the downsides is going to be a complete nightmare to nanny for.

maddiemookins16mum · 03/10/2022 17:03

It’s horrendous (I’m an ex Nanny). It affects the whole dynamic of your role.

LeafHunter · 03/10/2022 17:07

Ex-nanny and I would never take a job where a parent was at home for all the reasons suggested.

dottiedodah · 03/10/2022 17:15

Everyone has explained the problems with this set up .you obv want this but unless a willing nanny can be found it won't happen!. Nursery will be your answer here

Tigerbus · 03/10/2022 17:25

I loathe working in the same building as my manager. I'm able to focus on my day without them breathing down my neck and redirecting my day when I'm working from home.

Au pair, Nanny or mother's help - suggest they take your children out of the house for most of the day. Being cooped up in doors is unhealthy for their development anyway.

They only really need to be home for food etc at the bare minimum.

whowhatwerewhy · 03/10/2022 17:30

Friends WFH and have a nanny. Strict boundaries during office hours.
Nanny takes children out for part of the day .
Once boundaries were in place they had no problems .

Pineappleflowers · 03/10/2022 17:32

I know two nannies who work in this situation. They both say that:

  • when mum is home the child’s behaviour is MUCH worse, almost like the child is hoping that if they’re naughty enough, mum will reappear
  • the mum will randomly appear throughout the day and undermine the nanny’s discipline/ attempt to get the child to ‘play favourite’ eg “Oh I would let you have that but nanny’s in charge today and she’ll say no, so best not.”
  • children with work at home oarents may also be less settled into a disciplined rhythm.
pictish · 03/10/2022 17:35

Now I’m not a nanny…but I do work with children and I can see exactly why no one wants to take a job with the parent present in the home. It’s too close for comfort I’m afraid. You must understand.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.