To feel like a complete self absorbed and selfish idiot for missing my Gp appointment because I got the days mixed up?

[tentypesofhuman]

I’ve gone from living very independently, working in a high pressured job & socialising all the time, to spending my time wrapped in a blanket either sobbing, having panic attacks or staring ahead. signed off work and have no idea how I’ll go back. I have intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and can’t sleep despite strong medication. Also lost weight which is concerning drs, but I’ve made an effort in last few weeks to force myself to eat more & have managed to put on some weight, which I’m pleased about.

I paid privately for multiple sessions for a psychiatric assessment and was diagnosed with PTSD (and panic disorder, GAD & query CPTSD). I can’t afford private treatment so GP has made psychiatric referral, which he said could take weeks/months despite being urgent.

since the event that triggered ptsd I’ve seen the drs nearly biweeekly for 3 months. Last Tuesday I saw a GP and was absolutely beside myself crying and having panic attacks in front of him. He gave me sedatives and sleeping tablets and said he made an appointment in a weeks time to keep an eye on me.

I woke up with a text today saying I’d missed the appointment. I had arranged for my sister to take me to the appointment tomorrow, I even have it noted on my calendar “Tuesday 845 GP appointment”

obviously I’ve got mixed up somewhere and I feel so disgusted at myself for wasting that appointment, especially as people struggle to get appointments these days. I’ve wasted everyone’s time because I’m incapable of writing down the correct day. I know feel the drs will be thinking I’m avoiding their help, or I’m a hypochondriac who can’t be bothered to turn up to appointments.

The receptionist said a Dr will ring me back today but I just feel like shit - taking up everyone’s time, fucking can’t remember appointments properly, and now feeling sorry for myself. It’s pathetic, I just feel so alone.

Give yourself a break. It was a genuine mistake and you’re clearly having a horrible time. Be kind to yourself.

Oh lovely. It's not your fault, you're ill, it happens. It wasn't on purpose, you made a mistake and that's okay. This sounds like a really hard time. I'm glad you're getting help from the GP, you deserve it.

You're not alone! You're human, you mixed up an appointment. It happens to us all, and I would gently say that the way you're reacting to this entirely human and totally run-of-the-mill mix up is your illness talking. The docs will not think any of those things about you - they'll just rearrange it and be so happy for you that you're seeking their help. That takes guts and I admire you for it!!

You are being very hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. These things happen. You are clearly not very well/burnt out and your brain is catastrophising. Give yourself a break.

I just read so many threads on here about people and their little ones who can’t get appointments even when they are so desperate with really physically concerning stuff. I just keep thinking someone rang up for an appointment this morning and couldn’t get one because I had one booked in that I didn’t even use. Now what will happen to that person? I feel so disgusted I can’t stop thinking about it.

It's not normal to feel so bad about making a really easy mistake to make, it's just a symptom of your MH. don't worry at all, you sound like you're going through a lot emotionally so be kind to yourself.

And if it helps make you feel less guilty, just goole how many medical negligence cases NHS staff on their files have every year due to making mistakes!

Would you speak to a friend like that if they had made a simple admin error? Be kind to yourself. Mistakes happen and you’re only human 💐

I know how you feel as I did the same the other week when I got caught up at work and just forgot all about a GP appointment. I felt awful as I know how stretched they are but we are only human.

You are having a really tough time at the moment and you really shouldn’t feel guilty for missing the appointment - you didn’t do it on purpose. I know how it is having anxiety and your brain flings itself around looking for things to fixate on but you need to try and focus on something else.

also the doctor won’t be thinking you’re wasting their time - they saw last week how ill you are and that’s nothing to be ashamed of - they will understand.

please know that nobody is judging you and this will get better

People post on here when they have something to post about, they don't post when all is going well - you don't hear about people saying "oh I always get an appointment when I need". Honestly the internet will give you a skewed view of that kind of thing. Your appointment wasn't a same day one, anyone who really needed to be seen ringing up today wouldn't have been given your appointment anyway (since you didn't make it today).

What probably happened is that the GP was told you weren't there and went straight on to the next patient, got back on track with their time keeping, and is really looking forward to seeing you at the rescheduled time of your appointment with absolutely zero judgement.

Can you do something right now to occupy your mind? Any chance of a walk in the fresh air, even a quick one? I'd come straight round a if you were my friend or my sister, can you give your sister a quick text?

All these thoughts are due to your anxiety disorder and whatever is going on with your mental health. They are not based in reality. The best thing you can do is try to distract yourself. Xxx

HEY - @tentypesofhuman
You MATTER. You made a mistake - or the GP's did. It's not the end of the world. The GP will ring back & I hope will allay your fears.
If you want to talk on here before you see the Dr again, feel free - we are all here & listening. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs.. xx

I Did the same thing recently with a dentist appointment I had been waiting months to get in for, had it on calender in kitchen, mentally prepared the day before and then woke up the next day and it just completely was not in my head at all, didnt realise for about 4 days that I'd missed it!! So now having to wait months again, honestly could kick myself sometimes.

Then the other day, my kids have had the same end of day time for years at the same school yet I randomly completely thought it was a totally different time for no reason so I was late to pick them up!!

And this is all when I'm relatively mentally well. When I'm in an episode I've no chance at organisation. The worst one was I moved and FORGOT TO END MY TENANCY at the old property. Racked up 4 months of rent arrears 😭

Omg I forgot to let an energy company know I was moving out of a rented property once. I had no paperwork to back me up as landlord was an absolute charlatan. I had to pay about 6 months of someone else’s energy bills 🤬