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AIBU?

To be extremely worried about going to university tomorrow

46 replies

Strawberryandbananasmoothie · 03/10/2022 01:16

Im having a 1am crisis where I can’t sleep for worrying and over thinking. I’ve got university tomorrow and I’m really, really scared of going.

ive got psoriasis on my scalp, mainly towards the back of my head and round my hairline, it’s visible and obvious no matter how I style my hair. I also get big chunks and flakes coming off my head, sometimes they just fall out but moving my head at all makes them easily come off too. Sometimes it looks like it’s been snowing all over my shoulders and it makes me so self conscious. It’s awful looking.

at Uni, the rows in the lecture halls are so tightly squeezed together that the person behind is actually really close to you. Your head is almost directly above their desk. I know they’ll be able to see the obvious psoriasis on my head and all the flakes on my shoulders. It’s so embarrassing, and I can’t avoid it by sitting in the back row because me and my friends sit on the closer rows so we can hear the lecturer properly (plus the back row is always taken by the same people anyway) I can’t relax or focus properly in classes because I’m so anxious about the people behind me seeing the state of my head and hair. Sometimes the crusts come off and get stuck in my (dark) hair which looks hideous too. I try and sweep my shoulders and hair before the lecture but in a 2 hour class it will get back again
quickly

nobody at uni has ever said anything but I know they’ve seen it, there’s no real way of hiding it.

im trying a new treatment from the dermatologist (enstiller foam) and it is helping so far but it’s still pretty bad.

im so scared for tomorrow, I hate being this self conscious but I can’t help it, I’m miserable with it all

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

39 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
28%
You are NOT being unreasonable
72%
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/10/2022 01:19

Ill assume hats arent allowed but can you get a head scarf on the way in providing that doesnt irritate your skin condition. Lots of videos on youtube showing you how to tie one too.

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Coffeeschmoffe · 03/10/2022 01:21

Aw you poor thing! We magnify every perceived imperfection we have and people usually don’t really notice, but I can understand your discomfort nonetheless. If it helps you feel better, people usually focus on making notes on their laptops or looking at the lecturer and the projection/presentation. Can you wear a hat and keep your hair in a bun contained within it to reduce the flakes falling out?

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MarianneOnAMotorcycle · 03/10/2022 01:21

Can you attend the lectures online until the condition is under control?

My mum had this and I think it was from stress; it did go eventually without treatment. I hope you can get this sorted soon.

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postcardpuffin · 03/10/2022 01:22

Little wool beret, beanie, scarf or hair wrap? I know you will have heard this before, but truly honestly the vast majority of people are not that observant and just don’t notice stuff you think must be glaringly obvious. Hugs to you OP — fingers crossed that the foam makes a big difference. Flowers

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Kitkatcatflap · 03/10/2022 01:25

Wear a light/cream coloured jumper or top. So the flakes are barely visible. I agree with the above poster. A baseball cap or a scarf tied over your your hairline/hair - I do it all the time when the grey roots are showing.

If it's your first day, lots of people will also be nervous and feel self conscious. This time tomorrow, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Good luck OP

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HellonHeels · 03/10/2022 01:27

Poor you hope you can get some sleep. I agree with suggestions of headscarf/hat. Good luck and hope it goes well X

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AtrociousCircumstance · 03/10/2022 01:36

Definitely try a scarf and a light top OP.

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sashh · 03/10/2022 05:52

I feel your pain, I've had my entire scalp covered with psoriasis, the delightful pustular type, it's shit isn't it?

And then you worry about it and it gets worse.

But your education is important.

If you are that bothered then wear a headscarf or a hat - just tell the lecturer it is for medical reasons. Hand him / her a note if you don't want to say anything.

Embrace the world of head coverings, make it your 'thing'. Have a look at the snoods some Jewish women wear, it covers your head but also encloses your hair.

cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1031/4555/products/image_203cfc51-7b82-4a47-9be9-1430dd226989_1024x1024.png?v=1660973508

My scalp is pretty clear now - the psoriasis disappeared for 6 months and then came back with arthritis. But I still love scarves / hats and have quite a collection.

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Mushroomlady · 03/10/2022 06:00

Could you tell your friends how much it's been worrying you and ask them to sit behind you?

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EntertainingandFactual · 03/10/2022 06:18

Not for the same reason as you but I cannot stand sitting in front of people. I sit at the back for this reason or, if that is not possible, right at the side.

Definitely a light coloured top but remember, anyone who judges or sneers at person with an obvious condition such as yours is not deserving of an opinion.
Yes, people might notice but no decent person would think anything of it.

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tranquiltortoise · 03/10/2022 06:25

Can't you wear some sort of head covering?

If it's not allowed, I'd recommend talking to student support services about it.

They'll make an exception e.g. when people are having chemotherapy. I suppose people might make assumptions about you being poorly, but it still might make you feel more confident than not covering it?

I'd also really recommend some counselling/ talking therapy, as there could be a way to change your mindset about this and help you be less anxious.

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Darbs76 · 03/10/2022 06:32

Can you wear a loose scarf over your hair?

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montysma1 · 03/10/2022 06:34

Can you ask to be put on Apremilast, its bloody good.

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Redkettle · 03/10/2022 06:36

Ah bless you. I used to get this in my teenage years and for that reason hated assembly. I used to get comments. I agree a nice subtle beret or beanie and a light top. Or headscarf. Good luck with uni. Hope it goes well today xxxxxx

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Redkettle · 03/10/2022 06:37

Or a wig topper off amazon with bandana scarf in a bow. I've done this noone can tell the difference xxxx

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StridTheKiller · 03/10/2022 06:39

Selsun shampoo is really good for Psoriasis.

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TwoShades1 · 03/10/2022 06:41

You could definitely over your hair/head with a scarf. I have short hair which needs styling and washing daily to look nice. If for some reason I’m not able to I just pop a scarf on my head. Have a look on YouTube for lots of different ways to tie a headscarf.

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JenniferBarkley · 03/10/2022 06:49

Ah OP I feel for you. Completely agree that most people will hardly register it, but we never feel that way about our own bodies do we.

I'm a lecturer and wouldn't even register if someone in front of me was wearing a hat or a head scarf.

I have taught students with support from disability services for psoriasis before, have you contacted them? They may be able to give you flexibility with deadlines or to defer exams in the case of a flare up. My institution has ditched lecture recordings, but depending on your university's policies you may be eligible for earlier access to recordings, for example.

Would you feel comfortable confiding in your friends so you can get there early and grab a seat at the side so that you have fewer people around you?

Please do go if you can at all, I think you'll ultimately be glad you did.

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Softplayhooray · 03/10/2022 07:04

A beanie hat would be a great idea, and give the lecturer a note ahead of time to explain it's because of a medical condition if that would make you feel more relaxed. Honestly no-one will notice! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, though!

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Zippy1510 · 03/10/2022 07:09

hat and light coloured top

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RosieCockle · 03/10/2022 07:09

My mother has psoriasis and won't take my 5-year-old nephew swimming cos of her skin, but I don't even notice it and never really have.
I would also bet my life there will be someone in your class embarrassed about their acne/big nose/BO problem/trying not to leak period on the seat/bad breath/fat belly/enormous boobs/no boobs/clothes/wonky teeth/bald patch/cankles and so on and so on. And you won't even notice in the same way they won't notice you half as much as you think.

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Zippy1510 · 03/10/2022 07:10

As a lecturer I would never tell
someone to remove a hat or anything else they were wearing. It’s not school you can wear what you want.

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pompomdaisy · 03/10/2022 07:11

Do you use the coal tar psoriasis shampoo. It sort it straight away. You don't need to put up with it.

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EstellaRijnveld · 03/10/2022 07:12

Wear a scarf turban style like TC chef Nadiya Hussain, it's very current atm. 8 was in London yesterday and saw loads of women wearing their hair wrapped turban style. It's such a forgiving style and hides a multitude of issues.

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