Can I trust him?

[InNeedOfLaughter]

My husband is a journalist and a publisher who writes articles and digital books about topical subjects. He’s often away for weeks at a time researching storylines -

A few days ago an email message flashed up on our home office computer concerning an editorial piece written and published anonymously in a national newspaper. At first I just thought it was another example of my husbands many published works, but a line of text caught my eye, and reading further the story was about a businessman (BM) who had created a secret life.

I looked up the article on Google and as I started to read it, I suddenly had a chill down my spine - it was almost describing my relationship with my DH. I know I am probably being silly, but how it’s written, with some very detailed knowledge - I’m really worried that my DH is a serial player.

The article talks about a man who is away from home a couple of weeks a month, who keeps a second phone in a locked office draw and regularly visits a gym club where he sets about using techniques to seduce both single and married women. This is nothing to do with OLD and is a straightforward charm offensive, where chatting (over several weeks and months) leads to the BM remembering what women tell him while they’re exercising and socialising; he then sends them flowers, chocolates and gifts. In one part he describes how a young married woman tells him that the battery on her watch keeps failing and her DH has let her down on getting it fixed - so months later, the BM has a new watch, gift wrapped and couriered to her work place. It reveals a man who is actively sleeping with several different women. They all fizzle out after he gets what he wants (through guilt etc) and his own wife is oblivious because he sleeps with her every two weeks, showers her with gifts and lavish holidays.

my worry is … that that describes my marriage situation to my DH. Now I am worried that the editorial is about him and not some businessman with a secret -

I confronted him about it, he laughed and said he’d co-written the article (ghost writer) on behalf of the source and had been paid handsomely for the editorial - However I can’t stop thinking about it - Can I trust him or am I being silly?

Very suspicious. And if he was capable of that level of deceit and betrayal it would be the easiest thing in the world to laugh it off to your face; it would be a part of the thrill, even.

Does he have a locked desk drawer? If so prise open the fucker.

Nice story

in the editorial … the BM has a locked draw in his office - my DH has to go to an office several times a month and there are no locked drawers or cupboards here at home, I have already thought of that. I have no way of getting into his office environment on any pretext, it has very high security with card swipes etc. In the storyline, it talks about a Secretary who knows what the BM is doing and won’t say anything because she is doing the same but online. If he is doing this, it is very sophisticated because it’s untraceable on his home and work mobiles.

What was his reason for making it sound like your marriage if he was just co writing on someone else’s behalf?

trust your gut on this

i interpreted it as sounding like our marriage because he showers me with gifts, flowers, chocolates - and more than five holidays a year including weekend breaks and the other part which sounds about right; every couple of weeks or thereabouts - but he claimed he was only interpreting what the BM had told him, and one other independent source verified the storyline, so he didn’t say anything about that, it was just as I was reading it I suddenly had the feeling I was part of the storyline because of what happens in our marriage. Am I being unreasonable? Not many of my friends have so many leisure breaks - should I accept his answer and just ignore it - he’s a good H compared to many.

there is another situation that’s nagging at me … the BM in the editorial claims to have several women on the go at the same time - in various stages of seduction - claiming that he makes a note on his mobile about what women tell him at the gym - then he can use the information later to gain connections … things like having hair and nails done before a birthday, so that he can say, “i like you’re hair and nails” - but uses each meeting at the gym to offer reassurance and compliments in a friendly manner to start, but done in a way to eventually give the impression he has more empathy with her than her long term partner, married or not … the lady is then hooked and looks forward to meeting him at the gym as he appears to be taking a welcome and caring interest in her - eventually the balance tips into a one night stand, a few regular meets but nothing long term - and no one complains when they get dropped because no one is going to point the finger through guilt or fear of discovery - but how has this anonymous BM got away with it for so long - do gym owners know that their members might be being targeted by serial players if this is happening on growing trend, away from OLD - it’s frighteningly clever but what about STi’s - it sends shivers up my spine.

5 leisure holidays a year is very specific thing to call out… you’ve said yourself it’s all a match so either this is your dhs dream reality, his actual reality or you’re a troll

I mean, I write fiction and I do base parts of it on real life because that's what makes it believable but there's also plenty of room for artistic liberty. There's nothing to say this article is based completely on fact and if he's ghost written it and had to protect anonymity of the original BM then he's maybe added in some of his norm to do that. I wouldn't automatically be jumping to the conclusion that it's him and he's done all these things if you normally trust him and he's never given you reason to question him before? Has he ever been unfaithful in the past or seemed shady in any way? Plus what you're describing with the holidays and gifts etc, yes it could be your relationship but I can think of a handful of friends who's partners work away a lot and it could also describe theirs. I would give him the benefit of the doubt until you have a more solid reason not to. If you're worried about STIs then go get yourself tested for your own peace of mind that's just good practice anyways.

Thank you to everyone who contributed - my dh has proved that the editorial piece was sourced from a BM who approached the newspaper with the story - I have had sight of some emails and I now realise I panicked unnecessarily - the similarities were coincidental though @alloutoflunchideas i didn’t say that five holidays were referenced in the editorial but mention was made of being whisked away on luxury breaks - thank you @Cw112 for your more understanding analysis - but still the BM has had the arrogance to approach and sell his story to a national newspaper - beware gym-goers … that charming man who compliments your wife/partner at the gym is still out there, it seems he has tremendous success with his philandering and has been getting away with it for some time.