I'm in the process of divorcing. My husband left a few months ago immediately before I gave birth to our second son. We also have a 2 year old. My ex has had very little to do with the children since he left, though he occasionally takes the toddler out for a few hours. He has specifically said that the children are not his priority though he does also say that he wants to remain part of their life and see them regularly. He may be having some sort of mental breakdown and his behaviour has been really erratic for a while so it's very hard to predict how involved he will be going forwards.
I'm still in a bit of a mess and all my energy is going into looking after the children so thought I'd see if mumsnet has any insights.
My ex has said I can keep our house but we would take some equity out of it to give him a reasonable deposit. This would still be a good deal for me in that I'd be walking away with around £300k equity which is over 60% of our joint assets.
I have a good but stressful career and earn c.£70k for four days (£4k take home). I could earn more if I worked full time or for a different firm but either of these would probably require at least a 60 hour working week, which doesn't seem feasible as a single parent. I will probably get promoted in my current role at some point. Ex is a high earner and will probably owe at least £1k/ month child maintenance.
I have an offer to fix our mortgage at 4% until early 2025 which is £1600 per month. I think this is just about affordable for me.
Current house is apparently worth around £650k (not a mansion but in an expensive area which has seen ridiculous price increases in last couple of years). I like the house and the area and my ex is likely to end up in the same area.
I could get a house which meets my needs for around £200k cheaper than my current house. There's not much housing stock where I am so I'd have to take whatever I can get.
I'm trying to decide whether to move or not. My instinct is to stay where I am for now and reconsider in a few years time. I don't feel in a position to make big decisions. It's possible that in future I'd want to move to be nearer my parents or go back to the city 30 mins away where my job is based but I just don't know at the moment (depends a bit whether my ex has ongoing involvement with the children). I also can't face the stress of moving on my own with a toddler and baby and setting up a new home. But I'm worried that if I stay to see how things go I'll be stuck in an expensive house which might crash in value or if interest rates are even higher in 2025 when my fix rate runs out I'll be unable to afford the mortgage.
Thanks for anyone who got through that. I'd appreciate any advice.