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AIBU?

Been in bed all weekend

21 replies

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 02/10/2022 13:29

I'm 48, divorced a year ago, moved to a new house, 12 year old son lives with me, he has a chronic illness, ASD and inattentive ADHD, home educated, feel trapped but we do alot of things out of the home and go away often to stay with friends. I just can't stand being alone because my mind races and I over think every damn thing in my life. Feel really depressed this weekend. Texting ex husband, feel like I miss him even though I ended it after 25 years. He's happy and content with the singles life, I absolutely hate it. Feel like there's just no hope for me

OP posts:
Snaketime · 02/10/2022 13:32

There is plenty of hope OP. The first step is to go to your gp and tell them how you are feeling.

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 13:39

Could you have ADHD too? I think I might have it and I overthink EVERYTHING.

I'm in bed too 😂 but it definitely makes my thoughts go darker than they would be if I were up, dressed and doing something.

We could both get up now and salvage the day? It's not been 2pm. We could be showered and dressed by 3-3:30 and get something done? I'm up for that if you are?

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 02/10/2022 13:43

Snaketime · 02/10/2022 13:32

There is plenty of hope OP. The first step is to go to your gp and tell them how you are feeling.

I've already done that and have been prescribed Sertraline (again). I've been on and off them for years and came off them in June 2021, just before I left my husband and moved house. I thought I'd be doing just fine by now but clearly not! I reluctantly started them again yesterday as I can't stand feeling like this

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 02/10/2022 13:43

Yup - GP visit for you OP.

These racing thoughts - it's more 'normal' than you might imagine.
That doesn't mean you have to keep putting up with it!
Ask your GP to refer you for CBT. It's GREAT at helping you deal with intrusive, unwelcome thoughts.

Also ... many other people, maybe even your ex, suffer in private too. Have overwhelming emotions, feelings of inadequacy ... but FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS & don't last forever. Look into CBT, it will help you gain perspective & get a handle on managing uncomfortable thoughts & feelings.

Flowers

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 02/10/2022 13:45

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 13:39

Could you have ADHD too? I think I might have it and I overthink EVERYTHING.

I'm in bed too 😂 but it definitely makes my thoughts go darker than they would be if I were up, dressed and doing something.

We could both get up now and salvage the day? It's not been 2pm. We could be showered and dressed by 3-3:30 and get something done? I'm up for that if you are?

I'm actually convinced I have ADHD, I'm fine when I'm with others but at home I'm a nightmare! So much needs doing and I just can't face doing it. That sounds like a plan, I really need to shower, I find it really hard to even motivate myself to shower which is beyond a joke.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 02/10/2022 13:47

We could both get up now and salvage the day? It's not been 2pm. We could be showered and dressed by 3-3:30 and get something done? I'm up for that if you are?

Aaaaw @DoingJustFine what a gem of a post.
Come on OP - do this for each other.
Nice shower, think of a small, non-challenging Nice Thing To Do, & do it!

As small as going for a walk in a favourite spot, or buying some especially good food, or booking yourself in for a meal somewhere. Just ... a little treat. Something to reward yourselves with for deciding to NOT write the whole day off? Something that doesn't feel like it would take too much resolve or effort - just a change of scene & mood?

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 13:51

I find it really hard to even motivate myself to shower which is beyond a joke.

Same! I even timed a shower once and it was 5 minutes long. Why is that 5 minutes so daunting?

Ok, I'm doing it! I'm doing it NOW!

Let's go! We can do this!!!!!!

200degrees · 02/10/2022 13:51

sometimes you need space to yourself with a weekend in bed to let it all out - you have been through some difficult events and major changes, and you may not be over it. My DH passed then I went through a wave of keeping busy as to avoid the reality of being upset, but it’s not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up. I do feel better after giving myself that time to be upset.

maranella · 02/10/2022 13:56

You're 48 OP (same age as me), so you're peri-menopausal. Are you on HRT? Have you considered that it might help you, if you aren't? Anxiety, over-thinking, feelings of depression can all be due to loss of oestrogen. Just an idea ... Flowers

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 02/10/2022 13:59

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 13:39

Could you have ADHD too? I think I might have it and I overthink EVERYTHING.

I'm in bed too 😂 but it definitely makes my thoughts go darker than they would be if I were up, dressed and doing something.

We could both get up now and salvage the day? It's not been 2pm. We could be showered and dressed by 3-3:30 and get something done? I'm up for that if you are?

Lovely response. ☺️

Add me to the list of people who is currently in bed, feeling crap, but will be up and dressed by 3pm. My goal will be to go and collect a parcel that the DPD man has left in a shop.

disconnecteddrifter · 02/10/2022 14:02

I'm in bed too and this response has motivated me to get on with some work that I need to do thank you

Noteverybodylives · 02/10/2022 14:06

Why is your son home educated?

You are depressed.
You cannot home educate efficiently if you are struggling to cope with everyday life.

I would try and get him into an SEND school which will give you time, so you can get a job or hobby and get better.

Right now you have no life of your own, so you are of course going to be depressed!

Does his dad ever have his son overnight?

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 14:07

I've showered! And made my bed, tidied my room a bit, and I'm about to do my face.

I realised perfectionism stops me taking action, often. So if I feel I won't look nice (which I feel I won't, at the moment, because I feel fat and old 😂) then I won't bother getting ready at all. Which obviously then leaves me feeling worse. And with work - I'd something won't be AMAZING then I won't even bother trying.

I want to fix this trait. It's annoying.

How are you doing, OP?

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 14:33

Where are you, OP? If you're like me, you're either taking the longest showers/bath/pamper session ever. OR you haven't started yet, and secretly hate me now?

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 02/10/2022 14:34

DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 14:33

Where are you, OP? If you're like me, you're either taking the longest showers/bath/pamper session ever. OR you haven't started yet, and secretly hate me now?

I'm here 😁 just unpacking suitcase from last weeks holiday, emptied the washing machine and put it out. Ready for the shower now! Thank you for the support and encouragement x

OP posts:
DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 14:36

Yay!! That's excellent! Good job. 👏

Youngatheart00 · 02/10/2022 14:37

Another ADHD-er here

the fact you’ve posted about being in bed all weekend shows you’re uncomfortable with it and that’s the first step. I also find it hard to motivate myself to have a shower or do much by way of looking after myself when I am in an adhd crash. There are two routes out of this - acceptance, and tomorrow being a new day. Absolutely do not beat yourself up. There are plenty of days in the year. If you lose a few to a crash, that is life and nothing to beat yourself up over. See the rest as what your body needs. The other is to create some kind of reward system to boost the dopamine in your brain which is ADHDers need. Could you have a shower and reward yourself with fresh PJs and your favourite takeaway, for eg?

sending very best wishes

Onceuponawhileago · 02/10/2022 14:58

I just love this thread. Well done to all of you!

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 02/10/2022 15:34

Youngatheart00 · 02/10/2022 14:37

Another ADHD-er here

the fact you’ve posted about being in bed all weekend shows you’re uncomfortable with it and that’s the first step. I also find it hard to motivate myself to have a shower or do much by way of looking after myself when I am in an adhd crash. There are two routes out of this - acceptance, and tomorrow being a new day. Absolutely do not beat yourself up. There are plenty of days in the year. If you lose a few to a crash, that is life and nothing to beat yourself up over. See the rest as what your body needs. The other is to create some kind of reward system to boost the dopamine in your brain which is ADHDers need. Could you have a shower and reward yourself with fresh PJs and your favourite takeaway, for eg?

sending very best wishes

This is very helpful....thank you

Well I'm showered and dressed, albeit only fresh pj's, and feel much better! The reward system sounds good, unfortunately my current go to (and reward) is wine which is making me feel happy at the time but not the following day so I'm stuck in a rut, but finding a new reward would be great.

Thank you again for all of your support and encouragement x

OP posts:
DoingJustFine · 02/10/2022 16:54

Yay for us! I got ready and let DH drag me out to do a food shop. Now I'm on the sofa with a pounding headache (hangover) because I let him drag me to 3 pubs last night. But I feel sooooo much better for having got showered, etc. I'd be feeling really bad about myself if I hadn't.

This shower-procrastination really spills my life, actually. I WFH and know that if I get up early and shower straight away, I get LOADS more done in a day. Like, 500% mode.

I'd like to set a goal that this week I get up, shower, dress in something I like, eat breakfast and be at my desk by 9am every day. Then I'll review how my thoughts have been. I'm sure it would really improve my mental state.

NutHatch23 · 02/10/2022 17:13

Hiya OP, just wanted to echo the calls of not beating yourself up.

Also, if you have suspicions about ADHD (& there is a strong genetic link so might be worth investigating then I recommend Psychiatry UK. It’s a route to finding out (whether eventually diagnosed or not) that means you don’t have to go via your GP which, my GP admitted, might take years.
It took only 1 year to go through the process for me, so if you’re curious or feel it’s impacting your life, take a look:

psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose/

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