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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to invite her?

23 replies

Mexicola · 02/10/2022 13:21

Child in my daughter’s class.

invited 2020 (within COVID rules) cancelled 4 days before was able to find someone to fill her spot so it wasn’t wasted as such.

invited 2021 to trampoline party £20 per head. Cancelled morning of. Couldn’t find anyone to fill space. No money offered (wouldn’t have taken it but thought it was rude). Would have just had one less so did lose the £20.

Haven't invited for this year. Cue angry message from parent. Said birthday child can come if she pays for her place in advance and I’ll reimburse if she comes.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Yesthatismychildsigh · 02/10/2022 13:35

Angry message from parent? And last time? There’s no way the child would be coming.

Rainbowx · 02/10/2022 18:18

YANBU and I'd tell her why cf

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 18:19

Said birthday child can come if she pays for her place in advance and I’ll reimburse if she come what did she say to that? It sounds fair to me.

44PumpLane · 02/10/2022 18:24

Your suggestion sounds totally reasonable.

Two no shoes, very short notice and cost you money.

It's not an automatic right to be invited to a class mates birthday party and actions have consequences.

If they want their child to come they put down a deposit!

Murdoch1949 · 02/10/2022 18:38

Invitations are just that invites. They're not compulsory. How rude of the mother to expect an invite.

HTH1 · 02/10/2022 18:41

I would just say to her that the reason is because you had to pay for someone who didn’t show up on short notice two years in a row so already £40(?) out of pocket. She doesn’t need to know you managed to fill the space in 2020.

britneyisfree · 02/10/2022 18:42

Good for you! Parents got a bloody nerve tho crikey

SeptemberAlexandra · 02/10/2022 18:42

YANBU I’d message back and tell her that the two previous no shows at late notice cost you that place which was too late to fill.

Original poster
Mexicola · 02/10/2022 20:27

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I didn’t think I was being unreasonable not to invite her, but after that reaction but she is being just so entitled I thought maybe I was out of order!!

I explained that after two hours of cancellation I didn’t want to be out of pocket again so I can book her a place but it will need paying for in advance but I’ll reimburse and she hasn’t replied as of yet!!

OP posts:
Swannning · 02/10/2022 20:29

How entitled to assume that her child should be invited

Hotandbothereds · 02/10/2022 20:30

How damn rude messaging to demand an invite!!!

Your suggestion is fine, if she’s definitely coming it won’t be an issue, it’s only a problem for her if she’s planning on being flakey again.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/10/2022 20:31

Let me get this straight, she is shouting at you because you didn’t invite her kid to a party? WTF?

robertpaulson · 02/10/2022 20:42

Need more info. Age of children, is it whole class/year party and is this child the only person you've decided to leave out?

It's not very nice punishing the child for the parent's behaviour by the way.

Original poster
Mexicola · 02/10/2022 21:06

Child is going to be 9. Well past the whole of class party stage. 10 friends so a third of the class. They do play together but not best friends.

I think it’s worse to tell your child they’re going to a party then flaking out last minute to be honest.

i see it the other way. It’s not nice for that parent to punish my child/family by taking money off us that could be used for my family not a wasted place.

OP posts:
Seashor · 02/10/2022 21:49

Good for you. I’m very impressed at your reply to her. 10/10

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 02/10/2022 21:51

what were the reasons for cancellations, we’re they genuine (eg illness or tested + for covid etc) or like “we’ve got another party” type excuse?

it’s totally unreasonable for her to phone and demand an invitation. That sounds like really odd behaviour.

However, I don’t think I’d remember who came and who cancelled at my kids party from 2 years ago. I sort of assume there might be a drop out, especially at primary age when they’re always bloody I’ll with something.

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 02/10/2022 21:56

YANBU at all. Make sure you get the money in advance. And don’t reimburse her if she does come,

Georgeskitchen · 02/10/2022 22:21

Wow what a CF. Tell her to give her head a wobble

billy1966 · 02/10/2022 22:26

YANBU.

Well done.

Vikinga · 02/10/2022 22:28

For a start you can invite whoever the hell you want. And if she baked twice at the last minute she can f off. You're being very kind offering her a place if she pays in advance and you'll reimburse her. I wouldn't be so nice to someone who was rude to me.

Lolliepoppie · 02/10/2022 22:33

I admire you having the guts to say that.

TiaraBoo · 02/10/2022 22:38

Or you could have gone with - only 10 spaces, DD choose her current best friends.

Epicstorm · 02/10/2022 23:00

I am so impressed by your response. CF.
Please let us know what (if anything) more happens.

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