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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have assisted removal man?

20 replies

StAgur · 02/10/2022 08:56

I sold an item of furniture on Ebay for 'collection only'. The buyer's removal man contacted me to arrange a time for pick up, which was fine, but I said to him that it was a two person job. He said that he was experienced and described the item of furniture and said that he could handle it, no problem. I emailed the buyer to say that it was a two person job and she responded last night that perhaps I should bring it down to the ground floor (it was on the first floor).

Anyway, the removal man turned up at 8am to me and tried to guilt trip me into helping him to move the furniture, as I feared. I said I was too old and had a bad back and didn't want to injure myself (I am in my 60s and live alone). He said how old are you, that he was older than me, and that I was 'naughty' for not helping him. I said I am very sorry, but I explained to you and the buyer that it was a two person job. He said he might have to go and find someone in the local coffee shop to help him.

In the end, he managed to move the furniture on his own, although he knocked an old picture off the wall, and the frame has broken. He said it's just come unglued, you can easily fix it, and then he went.

I know that, in the scheme of things, this is a trivial problem, and he probably has lots of other jobs to do, and that he must need the money to be doing this. But I feel really upset and guilty for not helping, even though a big part of me thinks that I was not being unreasonable, because I told both him and the buyer that it was a two person job.

OP posts:
HopefulBump · 02/10/2022 09:01

Don’t feel guilty OP. You gave them fair warning. I’m young but I have a hidden disability so I know people often wonder why I’m not more active and judge me. But the fact is people need to be more aware of people’s health issues. I’ve learned it’s more important to protect your health than pander to other peoples unfounded expectations. He was very rude to have complained and called you naughty, I would have been very upset. It doesn’t matter if he was older than you. All bodies are different. My 60 year old mother and 70 year old MIL are in better shape than me but you wouldn’t necessarily know it to look at me.

CatOnAHotTinRoof · 02/10/2022 09:06

Not your problem. You warned both him and the buyer more than once. Lesson learned for both of them. Maybe they'll listen in future.

OriginalUsername3 · 02/10/2022 09:08

They were both veing very unreasonable. They absolutely expected to able to guilt you into helping even when you said you couldn't.

44PumpLane · 02/10/2022 09:10

I'm younger than you and in fine health, but if I told someone it was a two person job and they tipped up as one person I would feel zero guild about not helping.

Their lack of listening and comprehension is not your problem.

Id be annoyed they broke my frame though!

Butterfly44 · 02/10/2022 09:11

That was awful of him. You did your part and warned. And awful of the byte to suggest you bring it down a floor. Not your problem!

amylou8 · 02/10/2022 09:18

I'd have refused too. I'm younger but have a back that when it goes puts me out me out of action for a week. I actively avoid lifting anything heavier than the cat. You made it clear to both the buyer and the courier that it was a 2 person job. This is on them not you.

Mamma80 · 02/10/2022 09:27

They wont have learnt their lesson, people who piss take rarely do, dont give it a second thought I do this all the time and list: we are unable to help. Not their business why. I always list as free, if they want it they can put the effort into sorting a solution. Buyer could have come with the removal man. Thats on them not you and he was a cheeky bugger to suggest otherwise!

Willdoitlater · 02/10/2022 09:29

The buyer and man-with-a-van were totally unreasonable and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I would have told him to leave (empty handed) when he threatened to drag some stranger into my home to help. Picture frame is on you though, you should have moved it out of the way beforehand.

LikeTearsInRain · 02/10/2022 09:30

YANBU

however you should have demanded compensation for the damaged photo frame there and then or refused the item to be taken away

worst case you would just relist the item and sell to someone else

Twinsmummy1812 · 02/10/2022 09:32

You were absolutely not unreasonable and I’m sorry about your picture. The buyer should be mortified and it’s worth mentioning it to the buyer as they have possibly paid a lot extra for a two person collecting. They should apologise and offer to pay for your picture frame and then take it up with the courier.

takealettermsjones · 02/10/2022 09:35

YANBU at all. I think you could have made it even clearer by saying "it's a two person job... and I cannot help/be the second person" etc. But that's not to say he wasn't a CF because it was already like 95% clear!

Salome61 · 02/10/2022 09:50

Don't give it a second thought. The buyer only employed a 'man with a van' to save money and he thought he'd guilt you into helping. They are the bad people, not you.

Murdoch1949 · 02/10/2022 09:52

I'd have refused to let him move it, until he had help. The buyer was at fault not you.

Noteverybodylives · 02/10/2022 09:52

YANBU

You told him before he came that it was a 2 person job.

I collected something from someone and he told me that it was a 2 person job and I needed to get a second person - which I did.

When I got there the seller was around 6’4” and obviously worked out a lot. But he’d recently had surgery on his back and was unable to help.
He felt guilty just watching us as we were struggling and he held open the door etc but no way would I have asked for his help to carry it!

narkyspirit · 02/10/2022 10:01

I once sold a jet ski which was on a trolly out side for collection, ii told the buyer and man with Van that It is around 250kg and bring a trailor to winch it on. Van man arrives with 3.5t truck expecting me to lift it in to his van with a broken leg. sent him on his way when he suggested getting elderly neighbours to assist.

told buyer they had a week to get it gone or I would leave in the road.

BatshitBanshee · 02/10/2022 10:07

He said how old are you, that he was older than me, and that I was 'naughty' for not helping him

I would have tossed him out at this point. Cheeky fucker. Both him and the buyer were told it was a two person job, as in bring two people, I'm not assisting you. YANBU.

Whadda · 02/10/2022 10:08

At “naughty”, he’d have been told to leave my house.

MarsupiIami · 02/10/2022 10:13

You should take pictures down before having furniture moved, not worth the risk. You were fine to say you couldn't help though. It's done now, try not to keep thinking about it. You'll never see him again.

Original poster
StAgur · 02/10/2022 11:00

Thank you for your reassurance everyone. I agree that I should have moved the picture, but hopefully it can be fixed.

OP posts:
DownNative · 02/10/2022 11:06

I put you are being unreasonable precisely because you ARE being unreasonable to feel upset for not helping out when you repeatedly warned the buyer it's a two person removal job.

Don't continue to feel upset as that's unreasonable.

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