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AIBU?

To ask if this is normal?

37 replies

InThePurpleHaze · 01/10/2022 22:13

DH is 37 and has ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis. Both very well controlled and people are really shocked when they realise he has these illnesses. He doesn't have full mobility as in he can't run, limps a bit sometimes when walking and has to watch his diet but otherwise he is very fortunate. Anyway, the issue is, he sleeps so much. For example, he goes to bed at 9.30PM and still sleeping at 9AM this morning. He constantly feels tired and can't manage full days out which is hard with a young family. Does work but not super long hours and from home.
Just wondered if this sounds familiar or normal to anyone with these illnesses?

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Am I being unreasonable?

32 votes. Final results.

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theydontspeakforus · 02/10/2022 18:48

I have UC and psioratic arthritis. If I don't have at least 7 hours sleep per night I struggle. I do eat a very healthy diet and take supplements so as long as I get enough sleep and take my meds I am fine.

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InThePurpleHaze · 02/10/2022 18:59

I guess I just hoped that because his symptoms are controlled, he would be able to be as he was before. We don't have family nearby which doesn't help.

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Jindle1 · 02/10/2022 19:05

InThePurpleHaze · 02/10/2022 18:59

I guess I just hoped that because his symptoms are controlled, he would be able to be as he was before. We don't have family nearby which doesn't help.

I'm sorry things are tough OP.

Gently, if he's suffering with fatigue, his symptoms aren't all controlled.

Totally appreciate that that doesn't help you, but I'm sure he doesn't want to be stuck in bed/sleeping all day and missing out on things either.

Is it possible to bring in some external help financially? E.g. a cleaner etc?

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wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 02/10/2022 19:14

RA really does have an impact on daily living.
Actual physical symptoms can be controlled but the impact on your physical well being can still be hammering.

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ancientgran · 02/10/2022 19:17

InThePurpleHaze · 02/10/2022 18:28

I didn't say my DH does not have empathy for my situation. I was just pointing out that it can be tough on my end as well.

Oh it is and I don't want to depress you more but in my experience it gets worse as the side effects of aging can make things even harder on both sides. I don't know any easy answers though, I guess like women who end up as a single parent when that wasn't what they wanted we just deal with the hand we are dealt.

I think it can help if you can find any positives. For us it was that he had to retire so he got to spend more time with the children than most men are able to.

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MermaidEyes · 02/10/2022 19:28

ThisIsMyHappyFacee · 01/10/2022 22:21

I'd say it's normal. My son, 12, has Crohn's and is always fatigued and sleeps a lot, struggles to wake every day. Even though well controlled, their bodies are constantly fighting the disease and associated inflammation. Malabsorbtion and anaemia are also common factors which will cause chronic fatigue.

Exactly the same with my dd. We just learn not to plan too much stuff in one go that will tire her out and make sure if we're out somewhere there's always somewhere to rest for a while if it gets to be too much.

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DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 02/10/2022 19:50

Spoon theory for the win. I have rheumatoid arthritis and yes even well managed RA sufferers can have awful fatigue. It sounds like you resent him a little, please don't. These illness are lonely and dibilitating, even though I have an amazing loving husband.

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rainbowandglitter · 02/10/2022 19:51

My best friend has colitis and doesn't suffer fatigue. I guess everyone is different. He runs marathons, stays up for 24 hour run relays and goes on hiking holidays.

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rainbowandglitter · 02/10/2022 19:51

rainbowandglitter · 02/10/2022 19:51

My best friend has colitis and doesn't suffer fatigue. I guess everyone is different. He runs marathons, stays up for 24 hour run relays and goes on hiking holidays.

And he's in his 60s so not young.

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goingtotown · 02/10/2022 20:16

B12 every 3 months.

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InThePurpleHaze · 02/10/2022 21:18

DH used to be a runner also. He got one diagnosis at 32 and the next (RA) at 34. I guess I hoped he could get back to that but it's not looking that way.
We haven't really got the money for extra help but do need to think of something.

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Littlemissprosecco · 02/10/2022 21:21

If you can, it might be worth considering the lightning process by Phil Parker

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