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AIBU?

Trying to divorce an absolute animal

29 replies

Smileeriley · 01/10/2022 18:11

Separated in 2014, will not engage with me about this.
Paying mortgage on my own since 2014.
No maintenance although I have a court order.
History of domestic abuse, a conviction for this as he made a threat to kill.
Is there any way I can find out who his mortgage is with? Land registry?
He lives in the UK, I don't.
Would it be unreasonable of me to write to every mortgage provider in UK and give details of my mortgage here with him?
My mortgage has recently increased to 1347 per month, due to increase again to God knows what at the end of this month.
I'm working two jobs, normal day job and then four evenings one week and six the next on top.
I just can't go on.
We have three lovely children, 14, 15 and 16, he hasn't seen them since 2014, the day I asked him to leave.
Not even sure what I'm asking.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Threelittlelambs · 01/10/2022 23:37

I wonder if that’s based on you not being in the country?

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Blobblobblob · 02/10/2022 00:24

If you use a VPN you can spoof being in the UK to get around that problem

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Testina · 02/10/2022 09:52

You’re barking up the wrong tree with his mortgage lender. If he has been paying his second mortgage, how much do you really think that lender will prioritise removing the lending due to fraud years ago? That’s not the fight you need to have.

You’ll likely get nowhere with a claim for back payment of his share of the mortgage - you’ve had the benefit of living there. Child maintenance - have you ever actually claimed it? I’d not, again, you’ll not get a back maintenance claim. You don’t have a Consent Order, so you might not have a legal remedy for non payment of a private agreement - if he ever agreed, which isn’t clear.

Sounds like your best bet is to divorce him and go for a Consent Order where you argue hard that you be awarded all the house because you have resident kids, no maintenance, and no mortgage contribution from him. Transfer house to you, then you can downsize to a property you can afford the repayment on. If he now has money in a property and pension - go hard on a large share.

But it’s not clear where you are and where your house is, so you really need proper legal advice.

Stop wasting your time on land registry and see a solicitor!

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Suzydivorcecoach · 04/10/2022 20:52

So sorry to hear this. It is such a tough time for you and your kids. Learning to cope and move forwards is really important. I have some great tips and techniques on my Instagram - suzyburrowsdivorce_coach. Wishing you lots of luck.

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