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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stars of the week...

41 replies

intheaviary · 01/10/2022 11:17

my dd has just started reception so this stars of the week malarkey is all new to me.
Is it a common thing in schools? Do people feel it’s helpful?

They have 3 stars of the week in each class - one for reading, one for writing and one for general behaviour.

I noticed this week that the same child was chosen for ‘writing’ star of the week for the second week running. My dd picked up on this and she was really disheartened yesterday, saying she had tried really hard with writing her words and asking why the same child had got it twice (the children get up in assembly for a certificate).

I didn’t really know what to say as I agree! Not saying my dd should have got it, but I am sure there are other children that are also trying hard. In the end I just said there are lots of weeks to go and I was very proud of how hard she is trying etc etc

Obviously I am not going to be THAT parent and say anything, and I am fully prepared to be told to get a grip by more experienced school parents 😆 but...

YABU - it really doesn’t matter
YANBU - teacher should have chosen a different child

OP posts:
fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:19

I hate this kind of stuff. For some kids it makes things really unattainable.

Disneyblueeyes · 01/10/2022 11:19

No YABU.
Honestly, I have a tick sheet to make sure nobody gets it twice and everyone gets it at some point. I tend to give out the first ones to those who are particularly well behaved, hard working etc, but I rarely give it to them twice in a term.

PeekAtYou · 01/10/2022 11:21

Your dd will realise that these awards are really for the kids who struggle with behaving and if she wanted to win one then she's actually better off behaving badly one day then well the next day.

Cw112 · 01/10/2022 11:22

In my nephews school they do it but the rule is the same kid can't be picked two weeks in a row. It seems to work well and the kids feel it's obtainable.

Tamtam86 · 01/10/2022 11:26

I agree. My DD has just started reception too, and from what I can gather they have only done this for two weeks so far, and it has been a different child each week but she came home yesterday really disheartened as she has been trying so hard (as I'm sure the majority of children have!) and she was upset because she thought her teacher didn't think she had been trying and thought she had been naughty.

Disneyblueeyes · 01/10/2022 11:28

Sorry was meant to say YANBU

thismeansnothing · 01/10/2022 11:28

Yup at my DDs primary they have a star of the week and writer of the week for each class each week. On the whole everyone will get the star of the week twice through the year as they do rotate it round to make it fair.

Although last year that appeared to go out the window. DD who is in yr 6 got the hump cos she got it once and some people had had it three times. She was starting to get the "why should I bother" attitude which we had a talk about.

FarmerRefuted · 01/10/2022 11:29

Disneyblueeyes · 01/10/2022 11:19

No YABU.
Honestly, I have a tick sheet to make sure nobody gets it twice and everyone gets it at some point. I tend to give out the first ones to those who are particularly well behaved, hard working etc, but I rarely give it to them twice in a term.

This is similar how it works at our school, every child will get it at least twice over the course of the school year as an individual and at least once as part of a group award/joint star of the week for some sort of team work or team task. It's not used just for academic achievements either, it's used to celebrate the whole school community and recognise that everyone contributes in some way. We've had children get it for things like helping a friend who took ill on the yard, a group of children taking it upon themselves to learn sign language in their breaktimes so they could communicate with a deaf classmate in an additional way, a child who decided to clean up litter left in the local park, and so on.

Krakinou · 01/10/2022 11:29

We had this at my primary school and I’m 35! It wasn’t so rigid though - teachers could make a child star of the week for any reason, and they made it very personal to each child. I thought it was nice. I was very studious and well-behaved generally so never got star of the week for that. The one time I remember getting it was because I’d actually caught a ball in rounders. I was terrible at PE, by far the worst in my year, and my teacher made a big deal about how much I’d persevered to achieve something that was difficult for me personally.
If they’re using star of the week to rank the students against each other, they’re doing it wrong.

PugInTheHouse · 01/10/2022 11:31

I hate this kind of stuff, DS1 was very academic, always worked hard and was never in trouble, he has one child in his class who was constantly rewarded for managing to not hit anyone or cause trouble, this was by being moved up on a behaviour chart leaving my DS and others who behaved well behind. I get what they were doing but they were over compensating.

DS2 has autism and ADHD, at a different school, has to work very hard to get average results as has learning difficulty also, his behaviour is good but due to ADHD can fidget and interrupt. Not once since starting the school at age 3 (now y10) has he got an award at prize giving or any other time. The very academic ones are the same kids each year of course which is fine but for progress awards it is often the kids who are extremely badly behaved who get them (run away from school, swear at teachers etc).

It can be very upsetting for the middle of the road kids and I just can't see the point in them. If a school gets it right and shares it out then its fine as if someone hasn't got it there is bound to be something in that school year that has made them deserve it, a good teacher should have better awareness esp when they are in infants.

twoshedsjackson · 01/10/2022 11:31

When we tried the system in my last school, it quickly engendered cynicism; the boys realised that everybody got it eventually, regardless (in the interests of "fairness") and the reasons could be fairly spurious. Possibly because it was older boys, but one of the more worldly Yr. 6 pupils was heard to mention the "Right number of legs" prize

Wishyfishy · 01/10/2022 11:32

My children both really love it honestly and when they win they are so proud of themselves … but all teachers they’ve had have been very fair and every child gets it over the course of the year (twice I think). It’s not random because it is for something they’ve done but they’ll find a reason to give to every child eventually. The same people would never get picked twice in a row.

CheezePleeze · 01/10/2022 11:33

Parents tend to hate star of the week until their child gets it, then they're straight on Facebook 😂😂

Wishyfishy · 01/10/2022 11:34

twoshedsjackson · 01/10/2022 11:31

When we tried the system in my last school, it quickly engendered cynicism; the boys realised that everybody got it eventually, regardless (in the interests of "fairness") and the reasons could be fairly spurious. Possibly because it was older boys, but one of the more worldly Yr. 6 pupils was heard to mention the "Right number of legs" prize

I can very well imagine the whole thing becomes a bit of a joke by year 5/6. My DC are younger and very motivated by it but I do think it’s a bit like the tooth fairy in that one day they’ll figure it out… !

Original poster
intheaviary · 01/10/2022 11:35

CheezePleeze · 01/10/2022 11:33

Parents tend to hate star of the week until their child gets it, then they're straight on Facebook 😂😂

😂 you’re probably right. I don’t have Facebook though..!

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 01/10/2022 11:39

It runs both ways. Our kids are highly academic never got awards because they went to middle of the road kids who tried hard. Daughters comment was that it wasn't her fault "she didn't need to try as hard".

Despite being a free reader since reception it took 2 and a half years to win the reading prize.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 01/10/2022 11:41

Star of the Week should be fair, but statistically it's possible for it to be fair and for the same child to get it two weeks running from their own merit, and as long as it doesn't become a regular occurrence I don't see the issue with occasionally giving it to the same kid twice.
What I would take issue with in your situation is there are three stars of the week and none of them encourage numeracy or movement, so they're going to be biased in favour of children who sit still and read books.

PaperPalace · 01/10/2022 11:43

Really surprised that the same kid got it twice - most teachers make an effort to spread it around. It's still pretty pointless though! My DC's primary school thankfully ditched it a couple of years ago.

Original poster
intheaviary · 01/10/2022 11:45

I wonder if it was an oversight. Put presumably it then goes to the person who writes the newsletter so it’s strange it wasn’t picked up.

anyway glad to know I’m not being precious!

OP posts:
Original poster
intheaviary · 01/10/2022 11:45

But* not put

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 01/10/2022 11:45

Hated star of the week, which is in many schools. I think teachers are fairly good at giving to every child at some point, but hard if yours doesn't get it til late in the term (there was only one 'star' in our school).
While the effect is to make the kids try harder (as your child did), it. An also he discouraging if they do try hard and don't get it. Also, my daughter quickly realised that if you behave well all the time you are less likely to be rewarded than if you generally are poorly behaved but are good for a few days.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 01/10/2022 11:46

DD has it in her school but it's called the Friday Always Child and it's given to those who have tried their best all week. I think that's probably a better way.

ifonly4 · 01/10/2022 11:48

DD's school used to do this, but they made a point of giving one to each child over the year. I was an MDS at the time and we could also give one a week - I chose a lad who was constantly in trouble, but I'd seen him helping some younger ones that week with their lunches - the level of support in the hall for him when I gave it to him was tremendous. Schools should be fair places and looking for the positives in all.

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 01/10/2022 11:49

My autistic child got star of the week just once the whole the time he was in primary school. It's so disheartening.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 01/10/2022 11:49

Brace yourself!

Yes these are basically crap. Unless the teacher makes sure each child gets a star of the week award. And I can tell you now that most often doesn't happen. So good hard working kids often don't get a look in if they're not the best at everything or a pain in the arse that manages to sit still for one week (behaviour award).

Be ready to explain that they're not that important to your child so they can manage disappointment if they don't get a turn.

And repeat this every single year until they reach secondary and see it for the rubbish that it truly is.

Our primary also did a half termly plate for good work/behaviour. It was honestly always the same 6 kids year in year out who got it in both of my DDs classes. By year 6 even they rolled their eyes!

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