I think I'm being a cow...

[Bathtubbathing]

Summer 20, I found a FWB1 2 hours drive away. We met a few times Summer 20, then COVID meant we didn't meet again until Summer 21-just once. We'd kept messaging all through that time, and things slowly turned from fancying him into friend zone.

Got FWB2 Autumn 20 & met up once a fortnight for a few months. COVID lockdown ended that.

Got with DP Autumn 21. Told FWB1 about DP in Spring 22. I didn't want to lose his friendship and daily chit chat. The messaging never changed when I told him.

DP ended things on a whim August 22. I told FWB1 this mid Sept 22 and I got invited up for the weekend. While there, I realised he's still great company, but just a mate. I didn't want the benefits. Which I told him, and he was ok about after the initial feeling crap. Chatting has been carrying on as normal.

Since then...

I've been on a date.

I nearly ended up having a one night stand with someone 20 yrs younger, but came to my senses before I got in the cab.

I want to get back with my ex.

FWB2 has been back in touch and I'm interested.

FWB1 is dropping a bit of flirting into the daily chat here and there, and I think he's trying to get me to fancy him again. We've arranged to go away for a 90s weekend next month. Double bed...twins are uncomfortable. Once I've got a few drinks inside me, I'll be flirting like crazy with him.

I know I'm using FWB1 until something better comes along. He knows where the land lies with me, so I'm doing it, as he's letting me.

DP wasn't aware I was still having daily contact with FWB1. I tried to tell him, but he didn't care about my life before him.

So I feel a cow, as I don't think I treated XDP well by continuing to chat with FWB1 all through. And I know I'm being terrible to FWB1 by leading him on, but I'm liking having him as a back up option. Or as one of several people I might end up seeing.

So I feel a cow, as this isn't how I was brought up to be. After a 25 year marriage ending though, I feel free to do what I'd like to too.

AIBU? Or is this modern life now?

Why?

If I meet someone I like, why not?

Because it seems to be causing you a lot of drama. Unless you have this level
of drama with all your friends who you socialise with, in which case it must be exhausting.

As long as you keep being honest with FWB1, I don't see the problem there. You've told him how you feel. He can hope for more if he wants but that's his lookout but don't lead him on

As for getting back with ex DP - why? Why would you ever want to go back to someone who dumped you 'on a whim'. That's not a keeper either.

It’s ok saying ‘as long as you are honest with fwb1 is fine’ isn’t really true.

Telling them nothing will happen again and you don’t fancy them, and then going away and booking a double bed because ‘twin beds are uncomfortable’ and knowing you will flirt with them, possibly sleep with them while you know they want more and give them some false hope, is poor behaviour.

Anytime a man does that to women, they are called fuck boys and users.

Twin beds are uncomfortable? Eh?

That bit sounds like you're craving the drama and enjoying stringing him along.

Or I messaged him and said "I presume I'm booking a twin room..." then went on to discuss some of the other details which needed confirming.

He responded saying he'd prefer a double as it's more comfortable, if that was ok with me. I checked that he'd be ok sharing a bed, and he said he'd be fine. I agree with him doubles are more comfy. I can't sleep in single beds. So a double has been booked.

Or you ignored the real reason he wants a double because it suits you to string him along. Can't sleep in a single bed? Yes you can.

And why message saying "I presume I'm booking a twin?"

Of course you were booking a twin, you friend zoned him remember? The only possible reason for that message was to plant a seed of doubt, he jumped at it and went for the double.

The only thing I want to comment on is knowing you’d be drinking too much and getting carried away and having sex when you hadn’t planned to.

I don't understand how sharing a double bed is more comfortable than a single bed. Don't you get the same amount of room but with the disadvantage that someone else can steal the space.

Bed comfort/space are one of the many things we've chatted about through the years.

Body parts fall off the edge in single beds rather than stray into the other person's territory. This wakes me up. I spend the whole night in a single waking up because of it as I regularly move in my sleep. No decent sleep at all.