To think my brother shouldn't be pleading poverty if he can afford to pay £130 a month for a healthclub membership?

[therichrelative]

My brother and sil are constantly telling us how poor they are, and are constantly throwing at us how "rich" we are. Dh earns good money and I can afford to be a sahm.

However recently a new health club opened nearby and they decided to join on a family membership. This is £130 per month . Their reasons for joining are that they want it to be their social life, that they want to go swimming with the kids etc there. But there are other much cheaper healthclubs in the area but bil doesn't want to belong to those as he says that it's not the same class of people .

So last night was talking to my mother and she was saying how db/sil are really struggling financially because they have to pay out childcare etc in excess of £1000 a month and she doesn't know how they manage. Even implied that we should help them out financially.

Surely if they were that poor they wouldn't be shelling out that much cash every month?

Surely it's his business where he spends his money? £130 for a family membership isn;t extortionate - I'd say good for him for investing in his family's fitness.

You can't do much about them griping about how rich you are, but no need to retaliate in kind

What do they do?
The childcare may be something they don't have a choice about. The health club is, but maybe it's a good thing to spend money on. Not liken they are spending money on Sky TV and burgers.

People have different definitions of "poor", don't they?...

YANBU. When I became a SAHM and due to other stuff as well our household income dropped dramatically, gym membership was the first thing to go! (though tbh we had never used it enough to justify the monthly fee even when we could afford it...)

Gym membership is a luxury. They are not struggling that financially if they can afford £130 a month.

Well, I'd say if they can afford to spend £130 per month on gym membership it's up to them but I am in that your mother could suggest that you should help them out financially.

YANBU. I wonder how they'd feel if they really were poor.

I absolutely agree that what they spend their money on is their business. But when my mum implies that me and dh should be helping them out financially because they're struggling so much it makes me feel a bit .

They have no choice about childcare, but there is a healthclub closer to home that charges half that amount for family membership but they feel they're above that.

And they've just paid nearly £300000 for a house so by no means on the bread line.

It just makes me when it's suggested that we should be giving them money purely because we are in a better financial position than them, but actually they don't need financial help.

oh and, they do have sky tv/two cars.

YANBU at all -

However - I must just comment on motherhurdicures comment "and if they're actually broke they probably qualify for a discount card - if not, they're not broke."

We're broke - but we don't qualify for the discount cards - don't get the right "type" of benefits.....but we sure as hell don't have money to spend!

therichrelative - I can totally sympathise with you - my DB has been awful with money for so long that although now he earns £30+k and his wife earns a similar amount - when we go out we all chip in but Mum will jump in and say - oh %$^& you don't need to contribute we know things are tight for you

It gets Dh & I

Don't worry about it, how they spend their money is up to them, how you spend yours is up to you, including whether you give anything to them or not.

Ignore your mother's suggestions, it's none of her business.

And if it annoys you when they make comments about you being rich, either tell them so (along with it not being any of their business), or make sarky reposts so they get fed up with it.

I wouldn't waste any time or energy on it beyond today.

poverty is relative, he might feel poor in comparison to you

money can really bring out the worst in people

£1000 a month on childcare is a huge amount

does that mean they are not allowed to treat themselves to a gym membership that will benefit the whole amount?

or should they stay at home every night and weekend until the children are out of childcare

Jingley...

Ahh 2 things here. your bro is mums favourite (mother & sons ), and I suspect that no one has pointed out to your mum that your bro is actually doing alright now.

Of course it is up to them to spend their money on whatever they choose. But it is another matter to try and imply that you should help them out financially when they are making those sort of lifestyle choices.

I feel poor in comparrison to many of my friends (and some family members) but would never dream of making them feel bad about it or that they should chip in for me and my family.

I can understand why you feel so pissed off JJ but try not to let it wind you up too much as it won;t do any of you any good in the long run.

My BIL used to be a bit like this and because he's the youngest of 3 boys he's still treated like the baby of the family (he's now 30!). He has far more disposable income than either of his older brothers but they all still chip in for him! I've pointed this out to DH and he has now stopped doing this (I think the other brother has now aswell) but I had to let him come to the decision himself, otherwise it could have created all kinds of problmes.

1. They may not have much disposable income (the size of their house/no. of cars etc tells you nothing about how much they have to play with after bills etc) and the health club membership is obv a priority for them. IME you can end up feeling that something is "essential spending" when to others it would be a luxury

1. Your brother has not asked you for help himself, and I bet he wouldn't. Your mum shouldn't either of course, it sounds to me like she is just being a mum of a son!!

And 3. The stuff about "a better class of people" and turning up his nose at the cheaper club etc - he sounds like a snob. That would annoy me more than anything else tbh

I have the same with my DB and SIL, who complain about being poor but still have a cleaning lady and go on holiday every year, which we cannot afford to do. Everyone has a different level of what they think of as an essential. We have no money to spend on anything after bills, food etc, but still manage to find money to pay for DS to have piano lessons.

i have the same trouble with my in laws (who are all on the dole or in dead end jobs).

because he has a better than average salary they have got it into their heads that dh is a sqazzillionaire and they are as entitled to his money as he is and are always asking for handouts.

bloody cheek,

Your mother is just sticking her oar in where it is none of her business. Where your brother and sister-in-law spend their money is entirely their business and nothing to do with you. It is their responsibility how they manage and not yours. Of course if they were really in need you would no doubt try and help them but it doesn’t sound like it to me so just pay no attention to mother

Sorry but I think YABU. They have kids, it’s awful never being able to do anything when you have no money. If that’s the only money they spend on entertainment every month for the whole family then £130 really isn’t very much.

£130 was quite a lot in 2008 though.

I don’t think OP cares how they spend their money, she’s just sick of her brother, his wife and her mother hinting for money.