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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer much money for this trip?

13 replies

Flamingle18 · 30/09/2022 12:07

Hi, I'm a home help, self employed so no company rules are being broken.
I look after a married couple in their early 80s and a widowed man in his mid 80s. They are very good friends as the 2 men went to school together. I have worked for them for years and they have met my son quite a lot in this time.
They have booked to go to a hotel by the seaside in a couple of weeks for 3 nights which is all inclusive. The brother of one of them and his wife were meant to be going too. It's all paid for including a day trip too and is none refundable and unfortunately the bother has fallen ill and can't go. I've been asked if my son and I would like to go in their place as they will just lose the booking/money anyway. I would be helping 2 of the group due to mobility issues on the day trip but other than that it's not work and they've said we can do our own thing whilst there.
I don't have a lot of money but feel I should be offering something to the couple that can't go.
Would £50 be insulting? It's probably cost them £600+. I asked if there was anyone else they would rather invite but they said it's difficult asking other friends as no one else in their friendship group know the widower.

OP posts:
Arewethebadguys · 30/09/2022 12:11

Take the win! I'd buy them a plant for the garden/nice bottle of wine but not offer any money.

Enjoy your holiday sounds like you work hard and deserve something nice!

Floralnomad · 30/09/2022 12:14

I agree with the pp just buy them a token gift

TheGoodFighter · 30/09/2022 12:19

I would take the gift...but I would be very clear about it with them...saying "yes we'd love to come, but to be clear I can't offer anything towards the trip, are you sure you're ok with that"...because otherwise I'd be worrying if maybe they were thinking I should have offered money towards it....

CasaDelSoot · 30/09/2022 12:24

Yep I would accept the gift but state you can only afford to go if it's genuinely free as you just don't have the money in current climate and are they fine with this.
And also agree with buying a nice gift for the couple

DoodlePug · 30/09/2022 12:25

'we would love to go but I must explain that we can't afford to 9ffee you anything towards the trip. I'm sure you'd like to get some reimbursement if possible so will not be at all put out if you'd like to offer it to someone else'

Then go if it's still yours, take photos and tell them what a fabulous time you had and buy them a lovely gift as a thank you.

TokyoSushi · 30/09/2022 12:27

Yes this is a good response. Hope you get to go!

Worthyornot · 30/09/2022 12:32

How lovely of them to offer. I would take it but make sure that everyone is clear that you don't need to contribute to the trip for the room. But do get them something to say thank you. I guess being in their home you would know sort of what they would like.

NoSquirrels · 30/09/2022 12:37

Yes, go but have the conversation all up front - “It’s so kind of you and I’d love to accept but I feel very anxious that I can’t contribute or offer you any money towards my room and the trip. If you’re sure that’s OK and not awkward then I’d be delighted to come.”

HangOnToYourself · 30/09/2022 12:40

NoSquirrels · 30/09/2022 12:37

Yes, go but have the conversation all up front - “It’s so kind of you and I’d love to accept but I feel very anxious that I can’t contribute or offer you any money towards my room and the trip. If you’re sure that’s OK and not awkward then I’d be delighted to come.”

Agree with this, and maybe buy them a bottle of wine/box of chocolate as thanks

Original poster
Flamingle18 · 30/09/2022 12:49

Thank you everyone, some great message ideas! I've never met the man and his wife who can no longer go, it's the brother of the man I look after. I guess that's why I feel bad for not offering something. I will ask what his brother and wife like, flower/wine wise and say I would like to get them something as a thank you with not being able to contribute towards the room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flamingle18 · 30/09/2022 12:51

I also said that if the brothers health improves then please don't hesitate to let me know that they can now go on the trip. It looks unlikely though, he doesn't sound well at all 😞

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 30/09/2022 12:57

Yes be upfront about being unable to pay anything as that gives them an opportunity to say they will get someone else. However I'm thinking that instead of money they are wanting your services instead (mobility help) which kind of offsets the monetary value. Im assuming the brother was going to do that side. So instead of cash they want your help? Depending on what you charge and the hours required it might not be far apart in value.

rookiemere · 30/09/2022 15:32

Yes I think you just need to make it very clear that you cannot afford to contribute.
Equally you also need to ensure you're not working for free, but it sounds like that aspect has already been discussed.

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