To not want any child to grow up like I did?

[sweetkitty]

I’m so angry just now with this heating cost thing and it’s triggering for me. As a child I grew up in a poor family. We shouldn’t have been my father was a plumber and worked and did odd jobs but he and my mother were terrible at managing money so they never had any so we frequently went without.

We lived in and old council house, my bedroom was on the ground floor, stone floor, 3 external walls, single glazing. The wallpaper used to fall if the walls with damp and mould. There was one wardrobe you couldn’t put clothes in because they would turn green! We used to play a game of pick the white fluffy mould off the walls around the window. The window itself either had condensation or frost on it. I have a terrible phobia of slugs because they used to come in through an air vent and wander over my carpet and toys when I was a young child.

Later on we got fan heater heater things but we were never allowed to put them on “can’t afford it” sleeping under 3 duvets was normal. Getting told off for taking too many showers. Eating too much food. I have a thing about always having my cupboards fully stocked as well now. Loads of crisps, cereal, snacks for the DC. My parents managed to afford to smoke 60 cigarettes between them a day though. I was always getting the cold and chest infections when I was a child (little wonder).

This was 40 years ago and it had stuck with me and still triggers me. When I had DC I vowed never to let them go cold or hungry, I am very very fortunate that we will have our heating on this Winter, we put it on tonight for the first time DD2 complained it was smelly and warm ( I said you shouldn’t complain at all there’s a lot of people won’t be even putting their heating on this year your very lucky).

I just remember how bad it is to grow up in a cold house and no child should be having to do it in 2022, I hate this government!

We had radiators in our house that didn’t work. I had to share a bedroom with my db for a good few years, I think until I went high school. The small bedroom had outside walls and was cold. Two duvets and a blanket, hot water bottle, thick pjs, electric heater in the bedroom, only to be in before bedtime. Not allowed on in the mornings.
I’m not sure why the heating was never fixed (until I moved out) even my db was still living at home at the time. My parents used to send money ‘home’ to their families in another country.

When I moved out, my heating was on a lot in my house, it was toasty and warm. I’d never let my dc go through not having any heating like we did. Not sure why they never got it fixed. We used to have the fire place on in the living room and a portable fire in the kitchen. The house was owned and the mortgage was paid off in my teens.

@Fenella123 ,

"I remember having to turn the gas fire off early enough that the clanking, as it cooled, wouldn't alert "the man of the house" to the fact we'd had it on before he got home."
That's a seriously chilling memory.

It's interesting how we perceive the past isn't it. I grew up with just a Super Ser gas heater in the living room, no other heating in the house. It genuinely doesn't affect me in adulthood. In fact I hate having a really warm house, especially the bedroom, and will have the windows wide open all year round.

My best friend lived in a council house. They had no bathroom and the loo was outside - it was a wooden bench with a big bucket thing underneath. It didn't flush. This was 1970s England. That to me was disgraceful, and I remember feeling angry for her family's humiliation.

Just to be clear, I'm not arguing with others' experiences at all, just saying how I felt/feel

I feel a bit the same OP, we lived in a village and so had oil fired heating, We weren't allowed to have it on much but when we ran out of oil and couldn't afford any more we couldn't have it on at all, and all we had was a paraffin heater that you see in health and safety leaflets as being unsafe, and we had to carry it around the room to room. I was constantly terrified that I was going to knock it over and set the entire house on fire. We always had just about enough to eat, but my mum would do things like cut the vegetables up into very small chunks so they cooked quicker and didn't use so much power. There was never any money for treats and so are used to steal sweets from the village shop to take to school in the morning.

I guess how affected you were by it depends on how stressed the adults around you were, which was very in my case, and also whether there was anybody else there to look after you and protect you from the stress even if your parents couldn't.

Liz truss has betrayed her parents who were very left wing .she is nc with her dad now.i think she feels she is going for growth and forgetting her roots and how it will affect everyone today.we had no ch when I was growing up,had a coal fire .plenty to eat and new clothes and shoes thankfully.dont want to be cold again! It seems to me that we don't matter that much to them as long as we are getting rich as a nation on the stock market never mind if we are all cold !

That's interesting about Liz Truss betraying her roots and being NC with her father, @dottiedodah I didn't know that. I guess her personal life is her own, but I did wonder how someone could govern this country with such little empathy. On my personal journey, I know that I could be seen as having betrayed my roots, too - success post-trauma can appear like that to those who are left behind. As shown on this thread, those adversities can also make us strong, and give us the skills needed in leadership, but she really is the limit. Most of us could do a better job right now.

Anyone else finding this thread a bit triggering? Sending love to us all.

@Slavetotherhythm. I am finding it trickering. I hate being cold. It's 100% to do with my childhood. My mother always ensured we had food it was not fancy food but I was fed each day. Clothes was 2nd hand or hand made even now in my 50th I get a thrill out of buying new clothing as I can afford it. I am pretty good with a sewing machine but I hardly ever use one as it brings back memories.

My mother was constantly worrying about money made worse by the fact my father (divorced) was not and result was i living with mum grew up poor and my 2 siblings living w dad grew up middleclass

I don't get it even now

I’m another one who grew up often cold, hungry and dirty. My parents split when I was young and my mother struggled with her mental health. The government’s open hostility towards those struggling the most (and all while they claim for their second homes and Amazon prime subs and give millions to their mates) utterly disgusts me. I cannot fathom why anyone votes for them.

I voted YABU as this is how many children in the UK grow up.

I have just moved from a home that has had no hot water or heating for over 3 years.
Even when it did the mould and damp was absolutely awful.

Although I get what you are saying, it just annoys me that people only now seem bothered about this issue because it affects them.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints I don't think that anyone is saying that they want other people to suffer. I personally feel bemused when privileged people don't seem to realise that some of us in fairly recent history grew up with no heating at all let alone having to turn the thermostat down.

I was living in a council house until 2008 that only had heating heating in one room.

Op, YANBU.

I live just outside of a main city centre and I am honestly preparing myself for the possibility of street rioting tomorrow when the cap goes up (not me personally!)

The last few years have been like a Black Mirror episode and it's only about to get worse. But once the worst has passed, things can hopefully get better.

💛

I agree. I remember waking up freezing as a kid. My mum rarely ever put the heating on. It was her last priority due to cost. I remember revising for gcse's, sitting by a cold radiator. l swore I would always have a lovely warm house when I was an adult.

Until recently I fulfilled this goal. The heating has always been on as priority and I've refused to feel cold or for my children to experience the cold.

But now, even I am taking the "wear a thousand coats and hug a hot water bottle" approach, which makes me (very) sad :(

I'm so sorry you went through that OP. I have shut off some of the radiators in our house, but both my DCs bedrooms still have them on. I woke up at 3am a bit chilly and boosted the heating for 30mins, I couldn't bear the idea of them being cold.

Yanbu op. I had a similarly childhood and it was also a very unhappy one too. I would never want to live like that or my dc know what struggling feels like. They can learn about it in other ways, but not for the basics. We have the heating turned on already.

YANBU. It feels like we're going backwards to being a third world country. Despite being such a rich country and the richest people getting richer...

Enough Is Enough seems like a good movement to join to protest this state of affairs!

Sorry OP this sounds like such a hard childhood. I hate this government too.

I was warm as a child, but there was very little food in the house. Dad had a very good income, I just don't think Mum bothered as long as she provided set meals, and of course Dad wouldn't notice. My younger sis in particular was always hungry, we'd look through the cupboards & there'd only be dog biscuits.
I now have two fridge freezers stuffed to the gills. I could feed an army. It definitely affects us!

The Government can be held responsible for a lot of things but parents who put their needs before their children isn't one of them, and for this reason there will always be children living in poverty.

I am enjoying the present situation as I regard it as a challenge. I am testing myself to see how long I can go before putting the heating on. I have a wood burning stove in one room and lit it for the first time last night. I gather wood for it on my daily walks and my son brings me scrap wood from the building site where he works. I have batch cooked meals such as chili con carne that defrost during the day and then only need heating in the microwave- no need to use the gas oven. I put potatoes that had started to sprout in the veg rack into old buckets full of soil, now each one yields enough spuds to last me a week. Yesterday I kept warm by spreading horse muck (free from local stable) on my veg patch ready for next year. I am 80 years old

I now have two fridge freezers stuffed to the gills. I could feed an army. It definitely affects us!

I do this too. It has definitely affected me. I also need to have a constant amount untouchable in savings, never bought anything that I can't pay in cash immediately, but always need to have alot of food just in case.

My next challenge is not to go near a shop for the whole of October

@Worthyornot Same, re money in the bank, & although I did use credit when young & foolish, no more. It makes me feel SAFE, I guess the same for you.

We toured a primary school recently. When I saw the toasters, loaves of bread and butter in the reception classroom, my heart just broke.

I'm sick of people saying "I used to put fluffy socks on and I'm fine." My DH and DS have asthma - damp, cold air is the absolute worst. Even in 2 jumpers.

Totally agree OP. No idea what planet @CheezePleeze is on. People shouldn't be living in houses were there is damp and live off toast. We are a rich country, but the wealth disparity is criminal.

I was born in 1960 and vividly remember the bitterly cold house with ice on the inside of the windows. The living room had the only form of heating, a coal fire. We had blankets and a top cover on the bed, which wasn’t sufficient to keep warm so we took big coats from the wardrobe to pile on top of the bed. My granny’s coat was massive and heavy and we fought over it. We also had hot water bottles, which were good for a few hours, until you woke up with feet like ice blocks. It was a miserable existence and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. My mother fed us children first, then my father got his portion of what was left and she took hers last. She told us she didn’t like the meat much, she preferred the gravy with her potatoes and vegetables - and we actually believed her for many years. When she was waiting for my father’s wages on a Friday we would have a ‘special treat’ meal of eggs and chips - there was only eggs and bread left in the house.

I’m so very sad to think that my children and grandchildren’s generation are experiencing fuel and food poverty, it’s heartbreaking.

I’m fortunate that I can heat my home and eat well, but I do the things others have said - my food cupboards are full, as is my freezer. I over prepare for everything. I’m sure it’s due to my childhood.