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AIBU?

To think I handled this right?

12 replies

FellOverSoIHelped · 29/09/2022 21:05

DD is 8, Year 4, has dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD and hypermobility. She is extremely clumsy.

On Saturday ExH met us in the usual meeting place – a supermarket. DD saw her dad got a bit overexcited and went to run to him but tripped over and landed on her cheek.

She was fine, a bit shaken and bruised and had a sore gum but nothing too serious but she then refused to go with ExH in his car to his house. She kept holding onto me and crying everytime ExH went near her, I don’t think he’s done anything to upset her in anyway I just think it was the shock of falling over and she felt a bit embarrassed as well as sore. It's a fairly typical accident/injury for DD but they don't usually happen with ExH.

Without thinking I said to ExH “Take her stuff” and then to DD “Shall we walk from here round to dads just you and me?” it was only half a mile and by the time we got there DD was over the shock and ran in to see the dog.

ExH bought her back tonight after her activity (he doesn’t normally have weekday contact but does occasionally pick her up from her activity) and when she’d gone in told me I should of forced her into the car and made her get over it quicker, I just made him look a fool at the supermarket and there was no need.

My intention was not to take DD home or stop contact, my intention was actually to get DD calm enough that she’d go into her dads house or car without issue as I had plans over the weekend as well. I told ExH this and he just rolled his eyes and walked away.

So WIBU and did I handle it right? Or should I have forced an upset child into her other parents car?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

51 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
8%
You are NOT being unreasonable
92%
FellOverSoIHelped · 29/09/2022 21:51

Bump as only 3 votes and want to know if I did handle it right

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 29/09/2022 21:53

What you did worked, so it was probably reasonable. I suspect forcing her would have escalated the upset.

bloodywhitecat · 29/09/2022 21:54

I don't think forcing her into his car would've achieved the goal he wanted, it would've caused her further distress and added to the tension. I think you handled it in the way she needed you to and that makes it the right way.

GooglyEyeballs · 29/09/2022 21:54

I think you did the right thing but I can understand why your XH was upset but the situation

antwacky · 29/09/2022 21:55

I think that you handled it perfectly. It was all about reassuring and comforting your daughter, not your EH ego.

mondaytosunday · 29/09/2022 21:56

You did the right thing. You calmed her down enough for the visit to happen. Forcing her into the car would have just escalated.
Why are you meeting in a supermarket though? Why not just take her to his home
(Or he collect from you).

FellOverSoIHelped · 29/09/2022 21:59

mondaytosunday · 29/09/2022 21:56

You did the right thing. You calmed her down enough for the visit to happen. Forcing her into the car would have just escalated.
Why are you meeting in a supermarket though? Why not just take her to his home
(Or he collect from you).

@mondaytosunday Several reasons.

We ended up in court for a CAO as ExH was abusive he has a criminal record because of it and it was originally to make it less confrontation. But also DD likes it because to her there's no sudden change of home/car/routine, for some reason it's a gentler transititon of home for her. This is the first time it's ever not worked and we've had to change it slightly.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/09/2022 21:59

"Force" her - erm NO that is abusive parenting and what you did was far more appropriate and loving and worked.

Pirrin · 29/09/2022 22:01

I think it sounds like a very reasonable plan. Did you voice it to him or was he left wondering what on earth was happening? I think the way it was communicated is key. Him saying you made him look like a fool would make me roll my eyes though- he should be worrying about his dd not how he appears to anyone who happened to be watching.

catandcoffee · 29/09/2022 22:04

Perfect response from you as a caring parent.

FellOverSoIHelped · 29/09/2022 22:05

Pirrin · 29/09/2022 22:01

I think it sounds like a very reasonable plan. Did you voice it to him or was he left wondering what on earth was happening? I think the way it was communicated is key. Him saying you made him look like a fool would make me roll my eyes though- he should be worrying about his dd not how he appears to anyone who happened to be watching.

@Pirrin I maybe should of explained to him but I thought it was obvious from me asking DD that was what I was doing. He had no need to worry, it's not like I regularly cancel or change contact in anyway, she's missed contact maybe 5 times in 5 years due to illness I've never changed or cancelled for any other reason without discussing it first, the other times it was him changing it..

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 29/09/2022 22:08

You handled it perfectly. He doesn't have much idea of parenting.

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