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AIBU?

AIBU to feel used

18 replies

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:23

A work colleague text me last week to ask to meet for lunch at a pub, I agreed and we met up today. We get on well at work and we've been out together before socialising but only as part of a group, this is the first time it's just us.

We got there, looked at the menu and I said I'd go to the bar and order the food, and she told me what she wanted. I went, and paid for the order, as per this pub (you don't get a bill, you pay when you order).

I suppose I just assumed she'd offer to pay for hers but at no point did she offer to pay for her meal and drink, so I thought okay maybe it's my fault and a misunderstanding because I went to the bar, fair enough. But then, she didn't even say thank you or even acknowledge that I'd paid.

So I don't drip feed, she knows I've recently come into a lump sum of money. AIBU to feel used? I don't mind paying but it's the fact she's not offered or said thanks, just makes me feel a bit shit. :(

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

57 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
theresnouseingrumpin · 29/09/2022 19:24

Interesting

SpinningFloppa · 29/09/2022 19:25

Why did you pay for both when you went up? No one pays for both then expects the other person to offer the money back that makes no sense surely
you just pay for your own and then she pays for hers?

minidancer · 29/09/2022 19:33

Send her a copy of the receipt and say sorry I should have let you know what you owed after I'd paid

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:37

minidancer · 29/09/2022 19:33

Send her a copy of the receipt and say sorry I should have let you know what you owed after I'd paid

I don't mind paying as such, it's the fact it wasn't even acknowledged. I just wondered if anyone else would feel the same in the same situation or if I'm being over-sensitive!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 29/09/2022 19:38

When you next see her say casually, after regular conversation: “Oh, we forgot to settle up at lunch by the way! Do you want my bank details to send it over?”

And don’t be the one to order anymore! Learn ya lesson 😉

DoYouWantDecking · 29/09/2022 19:39

Just mention to her in passing " lovely meal, where are you taking me next. time?"
Your money situation shouldn't come into it.

OriginalUsername2 · 29/09/2022 19:39

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:37

I don't mind paying as such, it's the fact it wasn't even acknowledged. I just wondered if anyone else would feel the same in the same situation or if I'm being over-sensitive!

You’re being a mug! Expect better treatment.

(No offence! Life is just better when you work this stuff out.)

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:40

Why did you pay for both when you went up?

Good question - only because she gave me her order when I said I was going to the bar - totally normal with other friends, one will order/pay and then we'll give the cash or Paypal our share over. Unless it's a bill after the fact, then it'll just be split.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 29/09/2022 19:42

I’ve never done it that way, when I go to places like this one just goes and the other goes after, much much easier that way...

Banana2079 · 29/09/2022 19:44

you should have asked her to pay
ot before you went up to the bar -hi how are we splitting this?
Sounds like a lack of communication to me and that she thought that you were paying, Probably a genuine mistake on her part next time you meet up just make sure you are both paying for yourselves

FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 29/09/2022 19:45

I would text her and say "sorry I forgot to say your meal and drink came to xxxx do you want me to send you my details now?"

Don't let her get away with it.

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:45

OriginalUsername2 · 29/09/2022 19:39

You’re being a mug! Expect better treatment.

(No offence! Life is just better when you work this stuff out.)

No offense taken, thank you for replying. Definitely feeling like a mug...feels a bit shit!)

OP posts:
Homewardbound2022 · 29/09/2022 19:45

Don't divulge your financial business to others.

CantFindTheBeat · 29/09/2022 19:47

How does she know you've come into a lump sum, OP?

Don't share that sort of info in future.

Live & learn x

MrsU2022 · 29/09/2022 19:49

What a cheeky bitch 😂 hope she treats you next time!

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:50

Sounds like a lack of communication to me and that she thought that you were paying

Yeah I definitely take this on board! Maybe it's just me, but I'd clarify payment wasn't wanted, or at least say thanks though.

next time you meet up just make sure you are both paying for yourselves
I don't think I'll see her again one to one. Group setting, fine though!

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 29/09/2022 19:52

I think I'd assume, looking on the bright side, that she would be paying for you next time.
If nothing was said then, I'd learn my lesson!

Ewarty · 29/09/2022 19:54

CantFindTheBeat · 29/09/2022 19:47

How does she know you've come into a lump sum, OP?

Don't share that sort of info in future.

Live & learn x

I didn't tell her, she found out through someone else, but that would be another thread entirely!

OP posts:
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