To not let DCs live with ex?

[AlisonNightengale]

DD is 16, she's been with her boyfriend for a couple of months, he's polite and respectful of DD and gets along well with her siblings. DD was friends with him recently and he's trans, he transitioned during the first lockdown with his new name etc and everyone at their school sees him as male and as X as does DD, I call him he and his preferred name when he comes round.

My ex has found out about DD being in a relationship with him and has said I shouldn't allow him to come round and if I do he wants my younger DCs to stay with him as he doesn't want his children around someone like him, I'm going to let her bf stay with DD but not let DCs live with ex.

AIBU?

Your daughters boyfriend is female and transitioned three years ago but is now only 16?

2 students in my school transitioned at 13.

YANBU, is your ex not going to accept that your dd is going out with a trans boy?

YANBU

Let him pay for this to go to court to get a variation on any contact agreements you currently have.

He won't

Your ex can not dictate who you have to stay in your home. If he has concerns about the younger children's safety, he is welcome to contact social services...who will laugh in his face.

Yes, he says DD is a lesbian which apparently he wouldn't have an issue with but he does as she's denying it and dating someone who's been forced into thinking he's a boy when he's not (I don't think this is the case!)

Well your dd is dating a female so she's either bi or a lesbian, regardless of their gender expression. But either way, your ex sounds problematic. Depending on the ages of your younger kids, there's little he can do, so I'd be encouraging him to avoid alienating his daughter and discussing with her his understanding that although you can't change your sex, he recognises that for some people, identifying in traditionally masculine or feminine ways makes them feel more comfortable in their own skin, and he's always around to chat if she wants to. Not much else you can do, I reckon.

Suggest he discusses his concerns with a solicitor..

Whilst I wouldn't deal with it the way your ex has, his concerns aren't completely invalid given the social contagion of trans ideology among young women.

Your daughter is lesbian or bisexual and it's important she recognises that's ok. Your daughters girlfriend also needs to recognise the same but given she's been taught that she must be a boy/born in the wrong body, has a more complex journey of acceptance to embark on.

Your ex can't insist on anything clearly, but you perhaps need understand each other's feelings about this and have a shared view on how to support your daughter.