To feel that I am burning out now?

[Livingtothefull]

I took a day off today as I felt I needed one....haven't enjoyed it at all though, just sat at home feeling numb with anxiety and unable to think or do anything much. There is so much I have to do and I didn't do any of it, my least productive day ever.

A very close older relative is getting frailer, just in the last months there has been a very sharp decline. They are now just a shadow of what they used to be even a year or so ago, it feels like a slow bereavement, even though I am not actually bereaved - and really painful.

I have a challenging full time job which normally I enjoy, but I am finding it really difficult to cope these last few months. I have made a few mistakes lately....nobody has said anything to me but I worry it is only a matter of time before they do. I am trying to show I am competent, then try to work and I can't think straight.

I am worried everyone is really thinking I am not up to it, and guilty for not being good enough. I feel hypersensitive and paranoid about every message and text and interpret them as being somehow critical. I am DREADING being back at work tomorrow, just feel it is all too much right now and I feel so ashamed that I am not coping well.

My adult DS has severe physical and learning disabilities. He is home at the weekends which is lovely, but it does mean we have no downtime. My DH has serious health issues of his own.

Do you think this is quite a lot to deal with or AIBU for struggling? I am not looking for advice for fixing all of this as it is unfixable. Just to know if anyone has any strategies for managing the anxiety and shame that all this is causing? Has anyone else got through trying times successfully and what was helpful

Everything is so so difficult right now I feel I am sinking. We have just been notified of the huge increase in our gas bill.....have had to take DS to the Jobcentre to apply for his Universal Credit and show why he will never be able to hold down a job. Poor DS was panicked as he didn't understand why he had to go through that.

And I am just dreading tomorrow at work. There is so much to do I feel I can't face it...having to correct everything that has gone wrong. Would like to run 1000 miles away but of course I can't do that to everyone around me.

That is fucking LOADS to deal with.

+ + for you.

I have had a similar period recently. I found the book Wintering was useful. And doing as little as possible whenever possible.

Do not offer to do anything extra at work. Give people slightly longer completion dates. Can you cut hours? Watch programmes on repeat, eat comforting food, read books you loved as a child, go to bed early.

You can also take time off if you need to, you are not a robot.

Phone in sick tomorrow, take a few days off.

You are dealing with so much, you need to take some time and put yourself first. Do something you enjoy, whether that's going for a walk, reading a book, drinking coffee in a coffee shop. Not that that will fix everything but short term care for yourself.

In the long term is there any extra help you can get for your relative? Do you have someone you can speak to who is trusted at work? Even speak to your GP.

I don't have the answers sorry but sending hugs

Hugs to you - you’ve got a lot on your plate. One thing I would say is to also check you’re not hitting peri or menopause. The first noticeable sign for me was a being swallowed by a feeling of being unable to cope and sudden high anxiety. I lost the energy and motivation to do my job and generally ‘adult’ in the way I need to.
It may not be this, but just wanted to mention it.
Look after yourself xx

GP, honey. You're anxious, exhausted & burned out. Bless you.. :-(

I sympathise op. I'm in a similar position, dying parent, demanding full time job which I'm really struggling with and making lots of mistakes.

It's fucking awful.

That is cat in the hat type standing on a ball whilst juggling a dozen things type busy.

This is the NHS 'top tips for coping with anxiety' - it might have something that can help you:

www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-health-issues/anxiety/#top-tips

I think whatever you can do short term to offload some of your responsibilities - get a cleaner, take annual leave, reach out to friends and family - do that

Oh my goodness, this is a lot to be dealing with and it would be surprising if you were not struggling. Prioritise your own health first, take some time off, make sure you are eating and sleeping as well as possible. I agree with PP, reach out to some friends, hopefully people will rally round whether it be coffee with friends or practical support - I would if you were one of my friends. And yes, see your GP.
Hugs to you and @mantequilla for dealing with difficult times. I've been there and come out the other end but it's horrible.

If You Don't Have An EAP. try able futures. I had my first session with them today.

Thank you all so much. It is really positive to have it acknowledged by you that I am dealing with a lot....part of me was afraid I am being self-pitying and ashamed that I am not coping.

I will take more time off asap though unfortunately can't be tomorrow as I just have too much on. If I take tomorrow off then either deadlines will be missed or I will have to pile them on my colleagues which really isn't fair - they wouldn't be such tight deadlines if I had been on top of things.

I will plan to visit my GP, tried to make an appointment but the earliest they could do was 3 weeks' time. I feel I need help sooner than that. There are support services available through my work too which I have already accessed.....though not sure how much counselling can do as part of me feels the issues are what they are, what is the point talking about them?

That is a very interesting point @Ellamiabout the menopause, there may be something in that. I will ask my GP about that when I get to see her. Do you know if it is treatable?

Thanks very much for the NHS link and for the book ref I have already looked these up & ordered the book.

I am sorry you are going through similar @mantequilla I hope you have RL support.

not sure how much counselling can do as part of me feels the issues are what they are, what is the point talking about them? If you would get free counselling, where is the harm - you could use the time to challenge this mindset part of me was afraid I am being self-pitying and ashamed that I am not coping or you could investigate the best ways to support yourself whilst dealing with everything.

@Livingtothefull yes - treatable with oestrogen/ progesterone depending on your own requirements. Perhaps your surgery has a nurse who specialises in the menopause? I found out that mine does, although I ended up going private as it was during lockdown. She's much quicker to get an appointment with than a doctor.
Take any help you can get - this is your time to use some support. You can't pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes. With regards to counselling/ therapy, you might find it's good for helping you offload and sort out a way forward - rather like untangling a jumbled ball of wool.

I have a disabled child and feeling very overwhelming right now.

It's OK to not be OK.

It's OK to sit and do absolutely nothing when your overwhelmed.

I would tell someone at work I'm a position above you tbh.

I agree with @Ellami . This happened to me last summer, went on HRT and I'm back in the driving seat now. Last summer I felt overwhelmed, anxious and totally unmotivated. I'd always cope with loads but for some reason I just couldn't anymore. Absolutely fine after 8 months on HRT now. Good luck, rest!

Try not to worry about your colleagues having to pick up your work. I would never mind backing up a colleague who needed sick leave, leave to care for a relative or who was just having an off period. Anyway, it is up to the company to plan for this kind of situation. Life happens and a manager should never expect to have their full team running at 100% all the time. My manager’s philosophy is that each of us should only have 80% of our capacity assigned with essential work so that there’s always some flexibility. If your company is cost-cutting and everyone is running at full capacity, you are not going to be the only one burning out, and that is not your fault.

I love this - so true and I hadn't thought of it this way before

Christ on a bike, that is LOADS to deal with. Sending you big hugs and solidarity. 💐 Do whatever you can to lighten your load.

Thank you all again, I will plan more time off as soon as possible and also follow up with my GP to see if HRT could be helpful.

I worked today from home and survived.....it was horrendously busy as expected, worked an extra couple of hours. Monday will be the same.

When my DS came home and wanted attention that was challenging as always, he turns up his laptop to full volume and starts shouting in protest to my taking work calls. But nothing dire happened and I got urgent things done so for now feel a bit better.

Thanks all, you have really helped with calming me down!