Hi everyone
quick back story, my ex and i split when my now 9 year old was 2. He then moved an hour away so he has him overnight once a week. My ex was manipulative with me during our relationship but more financially than anything so he would question what i spent and make me feel guilty to the point i didn't dare buy anything other than necessities. He is extremely clever though and has this way of making you feel you're in the wrong without shouting or screaming etc..
I have been with my current partner for 6 1/2 years and he is fantastic with my son and they have an amazing bond.
Over the last year or so i have started to see patterns of manipulation from my ex towards our son, eg. making him feel guilty about wearing a football shirt with the team my partner supports, telling him he should only support daddys team. My ex remarried about 2 months ago and my son is not keen on stepmum, she doesn't seem to be very maternal. In the last few months there was an occasion where he misbehaved, they made him write down what he had done wrong, what the consequences were and how he could be better! They make him wear an apron when he eats and will only let him spend his own money when they say so.
The most concerning thing is they have tried to make my son give stepmum a kiss before bed or before he leaves and he has made it clear he doesn't want to and feels uncomfortable (im lucky if i get one!!) his dad and his wife said that if he doesn't it would make them very sad.
Then this weekend she has taken to saying 'love you' when he leaves and he didn't say it back as in his own words 'didn't want to' and they told him if he didn't say it back then he is very rude and will make them sad. On one occasion during a phonecall his dad wouldn't let him put the phone down until he said it.
I have noticed his behavior changes when he comes home and for around 24 hours after his visit his behavior is awful! Its as though he is letting his frustration out.
i have approached my ex with my concerns and he just brushes it off and told me to report him if i had concerns.
me and my son have a great relationship and im lucky that he approaches me with anything but im scared that he is being manipulated.
any advice would be appreciated x