To wonder if this is normal re primary school?

[CoveredInCobwebs]

DS has just started primary, a different school to his older sister (hers is all girls). My experience with DD’s school has been one of zero unkindness amongst the kids - however she/we have been lucky in that her class is recognised as being one of the nicest in the school (lots of teachers have mentioned this). Generally I’ve never heard any reports of bullying there and definitely no aggressive behaviour.

DS’ school seems lovely generally but a few things have upset him: another child telling him he was rubbish at football, a bit of pushing, a comment about how someone was going to kill him in Minecraft (he doesn’t even play Minecraft). His nursery flagged possible ASD which we are waiting for an assessment for and certainly his social skills aren’t always the best, but he has made a couple of friends and seems generally content at school. I just wondered if these sorts of comments/behaviours were normal in most primary schools and I’m feeling a bit precious about it because of DD’s experience/DS’ sensitivity.

Yeah this is pretty normal, to be honest it's on the lighter side of normal at that.

Although it’s not nice for your DS, sounds pretty normal

you can of course mention to the teacher that your DS has possible ASD and /or is very sensible and that you have noticed “normal” playground behaviour is putting him down, ask them to keep an eye on him, help with strategies

It does sound quite normal, however those sort of comments can be really upsetting for a sensitive child (I have one!). I think schools vary in how on top of this sort of behaviour they are and that would be the thing I judged them on.

The minecraft thing is a bit weird, I don’t know any reception age kids that play it. The rest is all quite normal!

Normal apart from the Minecraft comment, I'd say.

My DC has generally been OK with the transition to reception but I have had tears and upset around three or four times after school due to not being allowed to play, being pushed, other children being mean, not getting to play with certain toys, not getting a turn at certain things and things like that.

I take what my DC says with a pinch of salt tbh - DC tends to exaggerate and see things from their own 4yo viewpoint. DC was used to being one of the biggest and one of the leaders at nursery (with a 6-1 staff ratio) so of course reception was going to be a bit of an adjustment. In the brief convos I've had with the teacher, things seem to be going OK generally. I think DC is tired at the end of the day and so all the woes come out then.

He's in P1 (Scotland) rather than reception so kids are a bit older (e.g. DS is nearly 6), though Minecraft comment could also have come from a child in a different year group as it's a pretty small school and the ages seem to mix a lot.
It's actually reassuring to know this is normal, thank you all. DD was horrified as this sort of thing would never happen in her class!

The school does know about his potential ASD and his teacher was brilliant with ideas/suggestions prior to school starting, it has seemed that he hasn't really needed the support we thought he might have in the classroom but I will mention this all to her and see what her take is too and if he might need a bit of extra support on the playground.

If a four year old plays Minecraft I'm not surprised that their behaviour is off. If the parents think this is ok they probably aren't setting good examples for behaviour.

The only problems I'm DD's reception year were related to a video game. Other than that the kids seemed to be nice to each other.

Apparently this year's reception cohort are more challenging.

I'm wondering if Covid and lots of news stories about parents working from home while kids were at home in lockdown and parents admitting heavy use of screens has made it seem 'normal' to use screens and games for hours on end to occupy young kids.

I think it's pretty normal. My DD is 4, and fell and bumped her head the other day at her after school club. The adult take on it was "they were playing chasing and she tripped and fell". Her take was "James was trying to kill us". That was the aim of the chasing you see, but it's ok because he was "just trying to kill us for real" I know James, he's a lovely kid, they were playing chasing with a bit of imagination behind it.

the only negative behaviour or physical behaviour we have experienced in primary school has been from boys. Perhaps this is why your daughter in a girls school hasn’t come across it?

Probably not a popular view but we have 3 kids and this has been our experience 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yep, v normal. Your daughter is living in a bubble at school

Yes pretty normal I'd say. My daughter was called a donkey the other day. Luckily she found it funny.

It depends on the child too, and how sensitive they are.

I have two fairly averagely sensitive children who would barely notice or mention a bit of pushing or comments like that.
And one very sensitive (also possible asd) child who would regularly come out of primary in tears because someone went in front of him in the lunch queue or ran away at playtime.

Agreed. I'm surprised shes so shocked about it to be honest does she never say silly unkind things to her brother for example when they fall out? A few daft comments is completely normal behaviour.

Also in my opinion girls can be much worse for this kind of stuff, mean comments and deliberately leaving people out etc is all quite normal behaviour especially as they get towards the end of primary.

It's life I'm afraid. Better he get used to it now, than it be a shock when he gets to secondary school.
He needs to learn that they're just words, and the other children don't always mean what they say. Sticks and stones and all that.
Your daughter, on the other hand, needs to be prepared for this. People can be mean. Some mean it, some don't. Both your children have to develop a thicker skin and learn to recognise genuine meanness as opposed to general children's chat/showing off.

I think comments like these are very common in primary school. Some children will brush these comments off and not give them a second thought whilst others will be really upset and take the comments to heart.

A four year old who plays minecraft education edition in creative mode is totally fine. Admittedly, the comment about killing suggests this child isn't playing in creative. But minecraft is emphatically not fortnite and can be pretty harmless and a lot better than many other games

Yes normal from what my kids have said, there is one boy in my sons class who swears at teachers throws things and threatened to punch my son (and others) in the face and calls them stupid so could be worse

I'm surprised shes so shocked about it to be honest does she never say silly unkind things to her brother for example when they fall out?

Yes, she absolutely does! She's just never experienced anything like it at school. Perhaps she is living in a bubble, but I'm happy with that for now. I'm sure it will come at some point but there haven't been any issues whatsoever in 4 years of primary.

They might have older siblings who play mine craft so I don’t see any issue with the comment my 5 year old isn’t into mine craft but her older brother plays it so she knows a lot about it but doesn’t play it herself

I actually think it sounds a bit unusual for children who have just started school. I am guessing many of them have older siblings and are copying their words and behaviour. DS goes to a bog standard state school in East London and the put downs and Minecraft oneupmanship were absent until Y2.

If a four year old plays Minecraft I'm not surprised that their behaviour is off

Oh give over.

My son has just gone into year 1, and this definitely sounds like the low level stuff for our normal (minus the killing bit!) Lots of boistrous boys in the cohort (2/3 boys vs 1/3 girls), they're constantly jostling each other, telling each other how they're faster/stronger/smarter etc, finding it hilarious to call each other poo heads, taking each others hats etc etc etc.... Been like this since Reception, all nice boys in general, but just very loud as a group. The odd one or two that are less raucous do find it hard, I think. But the vast majority of them find themselves hilarious. The only thing that really shocked me in reception, was a couple of children blocking the sink with toilet roll and flooding the toilets. They were girls though, I think....

Normal, unfortunately