To want to leave medicine?

[stresseddoc]

Just that!

For those with a medical background, I am currently an F4 - I completed foundation training and then have taken two years out with ad hoc locum work. Throughout this time, I've realised just how unhappy I am in this job. A big part of it is the general things that make medicine a difficult career (that I won't go into as I think we are all aware!) but part of it is just me - I'm not confident enough, too worried about litigation, unsure how I will cope emotionally when something goes wrong etc. Latterly, I've been taking psych shifts as I thought psych training might suit me more - but even the thought of this LTFT is just too much.

I also find change really, really difficult and the frequent rotation (and even more frequent moving around wards/teams) takes its toll on me to the point that I become very anxious and struggle to sleep or eat for a few weeks before and after changeover - I think a big part of this wobble is knowing that I'd have to move for training (DH and I are not in the part of the country that we intend to stay in) and I'm terrified at the thought of starting at a new trust.

I feel really lost and trapped. DH earns well and has a job with lots of travel opportunities (most turned down currently because of my job...) + we want to have children in the next few years. He thinks I just shouldn't work and we should travel/live abroad. It would be so easy but surely I'd come to regret that down the line?

I'd love to do something else but I have no idea what else I'd be good at - my confidence is currently such that I can't imagine anyone wanting to give me a job! There are big CV gaps where I haven't been locumming and I haven't had any form of interview since I applied for medical school!

Part of me thinks I'd be an absolute fool to give up such a stable career with good earning potential - but no part of me sees myself as a consultant medic and currently, my only reasons for wanting to stay in are 1. fear of regretting it 10 years down the line and 2. fears of upsetting my parents (which it will).

Any advice? Anyone left and regretted it? Anyone left and able to recommend alternative career opportunities?!

Just wanted to reply and say how kind this is. I torture myself with some of the threads about the NHS and doctors on mumsnet so it's so lovely to hear this. Thank you.

OP I am in almost exactly the same situation as you (also an F4) except my husband doesn't earn much and doesn't like his job either so I also feel the pressure of keeping us both afloat

I am desperate to leave and at breaking point, but I just don't know what to do

I'm currently hiding in a disused office doing discharge summaries because I don't feel in a fit state for patient contact. I can barely make eye contact.

Would you be open to a PM?

Artemi - I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this also (although a little relieved to know that I'm not the only one!) and sorry to hear that you feel so trapped. I'd be very open to a PM.

I just wanted to say thank you so much to all of you on this thread - I wasn't expecting so many kind, helpful responses (and particularly thankful to Anna for getting right to the bottom of my situation!). Whilst it has been very cathartic to get everything out I will now give myself a little kick and spend this afternoon getting in touch with practitioner wellbeing and looking into careers advice. I also feel a little better having seen that actually there are quite a few trust-grade jobs in psychiatry (and even some in palliative care!) out there. So certainly I have some options. I'm not sure heading into training just now in my current mindset is the right action, but I could certainly do with finding a stable, long-term post to see how much of this is about medicine and how much is about confidence and fear of returning!

Have you thought about Palliative Care as a career. It’s not as depressing as it sounds and you can make a big difference to patients and families. I find hospices much nicer place to work than nhs hospitals and we struggle to find doctors to fill our positions. It still has it stresses but not like those in gp or nhs (though most of our consultants also work in a nhs hospital)

How about working in the pharmaceutical industry? Many medics working there in different roles from advising clinical trials to publication plans to marketing type positions. Different challenges to the NHS but could work for you

All I can say op is please don't throw away your career and rely on your dh.

I hope you will find a away to address your anxiety and lack of confidence (it can be done!) and find a career path that agrees with you. Don't just go travelling with your dh you'd put yourself in a vulnerable position. I hope, if medicine is for you, that you can find a path back to a more sustainable training journey. I also agree that when you do have your qualifications try to move to NZ / Aus or, best of all worlds, try to complete your medical training there if possible. Best of luck.

I agree with the above suggestion of palliative care where you can make a huge difference to patients without the adrenaline or frailty medicine which is also incredibly impactful as well as being intellectually challenging.
A young relative of mine has gone into GU medicine with the ambition of being staff grade or similar having witnessed her DM in hospital medicine and numerous wider family in GP. I am a GP and have loved it but it is much more onerous than it was when I qualified over thirty years ago and it is constantly stressful.It was easier to keep a cool head or at least a bit more distance from decision making years ago but now we are so busy that it feels as if mistakes could be made and coping with them when already stressed would be very difficult.I'm a worrier , lots of Doctors are perfectionists and so a specialty that doesn't feed that where you can be an expert might work better.

I would leave now
dont feel bad about it for one second

you can easily retrain you have a degree / medical writing /research / pharmaceutical / teaching /civil service / local council jobs
if you like academia go in that direction

if you want to try and stay occupational medicine is a good place to look at because the fear of making mistakes is lesser

you will feel great when you have made a decision and it sounds like you have good options

I left after F4, 1 year ago, could have written your post word for word.

My life is such much happier.

Happy for you to DM me.

Thank you, I have done this

Have you thought about the behind the scenes specialties? Pathology, clinical chemistry, microbiology etc? I’d explore other avenues outside of acute med/ED and agree that a training programme might be settling (although no guarantee of not having to move). I nearly quit at your point and am now happy training in one of the above.

That said everyone I know who has quit is happier for it. The NHS isn’t going to get better and it’s staff are increasingly going to be used as a punching bag by the general public. You don’t owe it your health and sanity. We have transferable skills - perhaps some careers counselling would be of benefit? Either to help you find a role within medicine or outside.

I'll be honest I don't know much about these and should do some research but can't imagine I'd be qualified / have the CV! Will look though.

Interesting to hear about those who have left. What have they gone into if you don't mind me asking? Definitely going to find some careers counselling, I think I really under-estimated how useful it would be before this thread!

I wouldn’t worry about your CV - their specialities that a lot of people come in to after burning out/don’t have exposure to so they’re mostly looking for generic transferable stuff (do you know about audit, team working etc).

Re what people have gone into it’s a real mix! I know people who have gone into teaching (mix of university/med school and doing a PGCE and going into science teaching in schools), university administration, theatre (lighting tech), law conversion, joiner, city stuff (insurance, banking etc), journalism and stay at home parents.

Hi OP I have PMed you but have now reread the whole thread so have a few extra thoughts 😂

PP who mentioned that about locuming making confidence worse- think there is some truth there- I was doing less and less shifts (due to the internal horror they bought me!) which fed into my demise as a doctor 😂 I calculated that I had to work 7 shifts a month to cover my bills, so 7 shifts I did 😬 BUT the thought of going into training with an on call bleep was more than I could handle tbh!

Think hard before going down the 'back office' routes e.g. histo- if anxiety and potential litigation is a worry of yours then this is a hard/bad choice IMO. (I applied and looked into it a lot before coming to this conclusion).

I would struggle the same - I am a student nurse and I struggle with frequent changes to placement (five weeks on a placement). Being on different wards and around different people can be really unsettling. I don't know if this helps but I have worked with doctors at your levels both as a patient and a student nurse and I passionately believe that you are the future of the NHS. It sucks but could you push forwards and change the NHS for the better?
Do what is right for you but honestly, your value is greater that you believe.

Would the pharma industry be anything for you? I'm a research chemist, I have worked in pharma, and I don't know that much about how you get into it but physicians who work in pharma get very nice money and conditions (compared to us scientists who are ten a penny!) I think there are roles for physicians in clinical trials for example. I know there are people who say the pharma industry is evil but honestly we are just trying to make some new medicines to improve people's lives... maybe it's not as noble as being an A&E doctor or whatever but I do think we have a positive effect on the world

My dh was a Consultant until he had a massive breakdown in his late 30's , resulting in a suicide attempt ....( previously undiagnosed ptsd following childhood experiences as well as undiagnosed dyslexia which compounded his depression ) He ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 5 months and underwent extensive cognitive therapy , EMDR and lithium therapy for several years
He reluctantly decided to leave medicine , despite it all he'd ever wanted to do since childhood
He did post grad diploma in law, followed by bar vocational course and has been a successful Barrister for many years now in a very niche area connected to his previous job ....has more time with family , no on call/ phone calls in middle of night/ interrupted weekends and family events and far less stressful! ( and pay is better too)