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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't sleep thinking about neighbour's cat...

67 replies

chages · 29/09/2022 00:02

DP thinks I'm being ridiculous.

This cat never seems to be in during the day, but she's super affectionate and loving (never seen a friendlier cat). She desperately runs to me every time I open the door for cuddles.
I know that she never seems to be let in during the day/evening as she is always in sight in our garden! Even during heavy rain showers when the owners are home, she's there.
I've found it a bit questionable that a cat who is so loving and affectionate is out constantly anyway.

She's been trying more and more to get into our house so she's certainly not not wanting to be indoors.

Anyway, I just had to open the front door quickly (11.30pm) and she sprinted into our house - drenched and freezing from rain and wind, even though we know they're home.
I gave her a cuddle but had to put her back outside and now I can't sleep because I just feel horrendous about it. She doesn't seem to find shelter in the rain/wind either as she's constantly waiting so close to our front door. Just can't stop thinking about her being wet and freezing out there.

DP said I'm being ridiculous about it and overly concerned. Maybe I'm being soft.

Is it acceptable for an owner to leave a cat out through all terrain when it seems desperate to be inside? I don't even know what protocol is with cats really as a dog owner.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 29/09/2022 07:11

I would let her into my house and see if I could get the cat and dog to accept one another. If not, have a word with the neighbours. If that doesn't work, buy a shelter and put it in your garden and introduce the cat to the shelter which could at least have a blanket inside and be protected from the rain.

fruitstick · 29/09/2022 07:12

We have a cat like that. He's a complete dick if I'm honest.

He's always been very nervous and won't let you near him a lot of the time.

We got a dog last year and he hates him. So he won't come in if the dog is in the house, and waits until I'm out with him.

We don't have a cat flap so I'm not sure what to do now that it's too cold tk keep the back doors open.

I'm not a neglectful owner though - we love him, feed him and try our best.

Sidisawetlettuce · 29/09/2022 07:18

Our neighbour's cat was the same. It was in our garden in all weathers and used to peer through the cat flap trying to get in.My DH made a house for him and he'd go in there. When it snowed heavily, we decided to let him in. When the neighbours moved, they asked if we wanted to keep him and we didn't hesitate.

Hobbesmanc · 29/09/2022 07:20

We have three very individual cats. Two have never stayed out. In fact one rarely moves away from the decking when he goes out. They both come in and out of the cat flap

The third has a mind of his own. He can be affectionate but then attack, won't use the cat flap but will wowl for the door to be opened and often sleeps out all night in his favourite bush

Someone did start to feed him and keep him in and we were worried sick as he was gone for three days. Only found him through Facebook. Feeding other peoples cats and keeping them is tantamount to theft.

Azandme · 29/09/2022 07:20

I wouldn't leap to any conclusions - cats can be contrary buggers!

Mine has a cat flap in the back door, and is free to come and go as she chooses. She usually comes trotting down the street when I pull up in the car, and then comes in the front door.

Yesterday she didn't come in, so I shut it. Within minutes I could hear plaintive miaowing from the side of the house (bear in mind - cat flap). I shouted her, she did not appear, so I went out of the front door, and looked down the drive - she was sat under the kitchen window, yelling to come in. Through a window she has never come in via...

Many stupidly early mornings she'll parkour around the garden fences, garage, and pergola to get onto the roof under my bedroom window - where she will loudly yell to be let in. Even in the pissing down rain. Again - CAT FLAP. I end up going downstairs and opening the door for milady... Five minutes later she goes back out. Through the sodding cat flap.

My neighbour's very well looked after, cat flap owning, cat often comes into my house to eat my cat's food, and have s stroll about. She acts like she's never been fed. I know she is because I talk to my neighbours - who tell me my cat visits them for treats, and marches around their house like she owns the place.

My point is, cats are dramatic, wily, contrary little sods who will plead neglect to anyone who will listen. Even when they are pampered at home.

The only way to find out if the visitor is one of these or not, is to speak to the owner.

Rainbowcat99 · 29/09/2022 07:21

My cats will cry constantly at the door to get out, then when I let them (or when the door's open to let a person in or out) they bolt out, run round to another door and immediately start scratching and crying pitifully to be let in. My neighbour is constantly taken in by this and keeps ringing my doorbell demanding to know how long the poor little things have been out there for.
I think perhaps you are my neighbour 😆

dudsville · 29/09/2022 07:24

Is she making a choice? You know, maybe she isn't pining to get inside at her own home?

fruitstick · 29/09/2022 07:24

I should also point out that my FIL STOLE someone's cat by feeding it and giving it treats. First in the garden, then in his house.

The cat now lives there and he says it's his cat.

He doesn't have a cat flap so the cat is frequently now locked in his house when he goes out.

I'd be furious and heartbroken if that was my cat. Don't be that person.

SallyWD · 29/09/2022 07:39

Please chat to your neighbours. I think it's very cruel to keep a cat shut outside when it's cold and raining.

mountainsunsets · 29/09/2022 07:45

No this is not acceptable. Cats do choose to be outside in the cold, wind etc but it’s very unlikely a cat would choose to stay out in the pouring rain.

Loads of cats choose to do precisely this, though, as is evidenced by stories on this thread.

WonderingWanda · 29/09/2022 08:03

My cat has a cat flap and will go out for hours on end, he has a routine of people he goes to visit. People probably think we don't let him in or feed him but that really isn't the case. If you have fed the cat or shown it some attention it has decided you would be a good person to visit. Why don't you find out if it has a cat flap.

Sally090807 · 29/09/2022 08:26

I have a cat and he goes missing for days and then strolls back when he wants feeding. He’s super affectionate and loves cuddles but after 5 minutes inside he is off out again. He came back this morning and has been gone for 8 days. I have no idea where he goes, maybe you’re my neighbour 😃.
Is he a black and white cat?

ittakes2 · 29/09/2022 08:51

Cats are nocturnal - I have two cats and the male cat wants to be out all night. He gets stress cystitis which is very dangerous for male cats as due to the bone any urine build up can explode his kidneys. He’ll pee on the floor rather than in the litter tray when he is stuck in doors. We don’t want to stress him so we have our cat flap open 24hrs a day.
I have seen him stay out even in the snow.

TaylorsSecond · 29/09/2022 08:53

We recently had 2 4 week kittens in our garden and I felt terrible leaving them outside and even worse when it rained but every rescue was full 😩 we did get it sorted out in the end but I felt so bad for the poor little things

ChaToilLeam · 29/09/2022 08:54

Is she neglected though? Our neighbours have a cat who likes to visit other houses, she goes out of the cat flap as she pleases and has popped over to see us every evening this week as a brief respite from the weather. She comes in, gets fussed over, dries off and warms up, then she is off again. She might just be a roving kitty.

LaForza101 · 29/09/2022 08:55

Do you know that you neighbours definitely do not have a cat flap installed? We have a cat flap at the back of the house and an ex stray who is happy to go out and get soaked at all hours. We have had neighbours concerned about the cat's welfare and look very sheepish when we show them the cat flap and special warm towel she gets dried in.

It's nice that they are looking out for her but it is upsetting to be accused of animal abuse when she can come into the warmth at any point

cherrysthename · 29/09/2022 08:58

You might think this is my cat as it's always in my garden 😂 it's not mine. It 'lives' 3 doors down but chooses to mostly stay in one of his favourite spots all of which seem to be in my back yard. Cats do what they want.

Whoareyoumyfriend · 29/09/2022 09:03

Definitely have a chat with your neighbours. My kitten is out at random times - if I'm awake he's constantly in and out every twenty minutes. He would easily appear to be out 24/7. Also he doesn't seem to mind the bad weather. He ALSO tries to get into others houses.

queenMab99 · 29/09/2022 09:06

Bring her in, make her cosy, and she will want to go out after a while, so get up, let her out, and minutes later she will want to come in again, this will go on all night. This is what they do, it is to wear us down. Her owner has probably got a cat flap or leaves a small window open, so is no longer a target for the relentless mithering, which is the cats (and dogs) weapon against humanity.

eyeteevee · 29/09/2022 09:08

The cat clearly is neglected.

Or chooses its life, like most cats do.

If you have the funds, buy a heated electric cat hut.

This would be a ridiculously extreme reaction.

Donotgogentle · 29/09/2022 09:10

eyeteevee · 29/09/2022 00:14

My neighbours at is never in the house either, it lives with 3 (that we know of) other families in the area. They found out on Facebook after the cat was injured and a post was put up looking for its owners!!

Yes, it’s all very well taking in someone else’s cat but people change their tune when there’s a vets bill to pay.

I agree with pp that some people steal other people’s cats when in fact they are perfectly well looked after.

CatchersAndDreams · 29/09/2022 09:12

My cat loves being put in the rain - when he does come in he miows to be dried off and then goes off out again!

HappyAsASandboy · 29/09/2022 09:17

Sometimes it can look like the owners aren't interested, but actually it is the cat just being a cat.

Our cat used to sit and cry at the front door, and if it was raining it's sit and cry under the car. The back door and internal door had a cat flap that the cat was perfectly fine using; it just liked to sit at the front and make the neighbours think we were cruel.

Same with water. I never saw him drink from the water bowls we left out (and I tried many bowls an locations over the years). He would rather drink from muddy puddles on the drive/in the middle of the road.

He was long haired and always looked bedraggled and wet and scraggly.

He was totally loved, cared for and fed. Just liked to give the neighbours the impression he was neglected Confused

helpfulperson · 29/09/2022 09:18

I think alot of people are thinking of cats as a type of dog. But they are different and are fine outside even in the rain. Indeed as evidenced by the stories many like it.

Have a chat with your neighbours and if you like build it a shelter in your garden but please don’t just let it move into your house.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 29/09/2022 09:36

Our cat often chooses to sit out in the rain - she has a sort of "den" under a big tree in the back garden, about 20 steps from the kitchen door. We never leave her out overnight, but sometimes she does have to be manually hoisted in at bedtime.