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AIBU?

How do you let things go?

0 replies

NH87 · 28/09/2022 21:41

Hi Everyone :)

Out of curiosity, how does anyone let something go that is really bugging them?

I have a looooong story to share about my in-laws, well too many stories to share but don’t wanna bore anyone lol. I’ve hardly seen them since we moved away for my husbands job almost 7 years ago and before Covid which is perfect for me!! Today my husband was chatting with his dad on speaker as he usually does and I overheard him moan about a neighbours daughters 30th birthday that they HAVE to go to at the weekend, it’s gonna cost loads for the hotel etc his mothers moaning cos she’s gained 5 pounds and a dress she wanted doesn’t fit and the invitation apparently said “Glam” on it blah blah blah so boring lol I just don’t fit in with them lot! They don’t even like these neighbours/ friends. FIL is always slagging the dad off and MIL is always in competition with the female friend over hair/ looks/ weight/ clothes/ handbags- very boring stuff!

I sat back and remembered that when I turned 30 a few years ago I spent all that time in hospital due to having seizures as I have Epilepsy which I developed at the age of 28 and I remember having a load of wires attached to my head! Not exactly a happy birthday! My husbands 30th was a few months after mine and promised me we’d have a nice day at a sauna/spa together which we did. No muss. No fuss! Just lovely. I remember I received a card off them and his Gran who died from Covid. Was very happy with that. Well actually his Gran sent £50 as she did with everyone. Im not one for cash as a gift I much prefer sentimental things if ppl want to do gifts, but it went into our savings which was always a big and she always insisted. I was sent her a thank you card. We in turn sent his gran mugs with pictures on them and a cushion of her late husband and she was cremated with that cushion as she apparently loved it.

Anyway, 2 years later after having more seizures and being in bed as I was so weak, his dad calls me out of the blue which he hardly ever did to tell me off for not getting their younger son who they treat as their fav a card or a present for his 30th! Well, I saw Red and I lost my temper and reminded my FIL that while I received a card from them, I don't recall a present, nor did I get a card or gift from their little Prince and had more important things on my mind like recovering from Epilepsy!
Anyone with this condition with understand….

Now 5 years on here they moaning about a party they having to spend a load of money on for a friends daughter who they refer to as a brat and I’m left with a memory of being told off like a 5 year old! How do I let it go?

We have just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and received a card from them and no gift, which is fine. Yet in the past I’ve searched the internet for sentimental gifts for them! Even when we’ve had no money. My husband joined the army the same time I was diagnosed and was the main breadwinner so to speak yet we still saved to buy them gifts and they would just roll their eyes. Personalised wine glasses as they like wine and mugs, funny aprons, slippers, I had a neighbour who passed A Level Art sketch a picture of our dog for their 40th wedding anniversary when we don’t have a lot of money and they allowed their other son to draw all over it and put stickers and things on it! I was gutted as I had planned that gift for a month. When I confronted them they said I was too sensitive and had no sense of humour! How lovely, if they knew me better they’d see that I do

Ive kept my distance from them, I’ve really tried but just don’t see the point anymore. thing is we are hoping to try for a family soon and I just don’t like the fact that they maybe in our lives more because of that? My side we say Nana, his side they say Gran. His mother insists that she wants to be called Grandma as the baby will call her “mama” first. I just smile sweetly and in my head I’m thinking, I don’t think so!

As I said to FIL when he was drunkenly pointing his finger and telling me off once again the last time I saw him in 2019..”don’t confuse my attitude with my personality, if you had treated me nicer I’d be acting nicer!”

I have bent over backwards to get them to “like” me since I have been with my husband almost 13 years ago which I’ve ashamed of as I’ve never butt kissed anyone like that before! I even asked my MIL if she even liked me and her response was “well you make my son happy I suppose!” Ahh ok then!

I’ve done nothing directly to them, I voice my opinions and disagree if I want too but other than that I know I’ve bent over backwards and they seem to have their focus in the wrong area trying to impress people they don’t even like!

I don’t care if I ever see them again I just need advice on how to let that build up of anger go?

Thank you :)

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

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