To spend more time out of the house?

[Citruszesty]

In the house on a typical evening OH cooks dinner for DD and DS and himself, DS plays games on the TV downstairs with DH and DD watches TV in our bedroom. I make dinner for myself and then watch TV in my office. I work from home most days so normally end up spending the day and evening in there.

DH has spent most of his adult life playing games in evening and when DS does something else DH still spends most of the night playing games. Sometimes we watch a TV series downstairs together but DS and DD go back up to their rooms to watch what they want.

I tried putting no TV and no screen rules in place a few times but DH ignores it and DS and DD normally find a way around it. Both DC do well at school but their default downtime is to watch TV or play games.

Working from home in a small room all day is busy but spending the evening there too is boring and starting to get really monotonous.

WIBU to leave them all for 1 or 2 nights a week and try to find soemthing interesting to do by myself? Feel guilty as I promised I would bring my kids up to have a good range of hobbies but really can't see how to put that in place now. They do have weekly activities so it's not all TV but trying to get them to read or do other non digital things seems impossible especially after the covid lockdowns when everything went online.

How old are the children?

The first thing I'd do is start eating dinner together.

Good idea eating together could help. The DCs are 7 and 11

How old are your DC and why are you making your own dinner?

If they're old enough, get DH and DC in kitchen to start making dinner as a family then eat it together. Take it from there.

But if you can't or they won't, then absolutely use that time to do something for yourself. If you spend the evenings alone anyway, doesn't sound like they'd notice

How old are the kids? Do you spend much time with them? Do you want to?

Screens are just normal leisure time for older kids. But if younger I'd try to encourage something more social.

But to answer your question of course you can go out a few evenings a week. That will stop making every night feel the same and you can change the other nights too if you want to.

I always think people respond to what TO do rather than what NOT TO do. Games night, cards, watch a film together, go for a walk, get pudding somewhere, jigsaw, cooking together. Anything non-screen which is fun rather than just not being screens.

"DH we're all playing blackjack, you want to join?" And if he doesn't ever, I'd be talking about amounts and expectations.

And no, a 7 yo watching screens all evening every evening wouldn't work for me.

I think there are 2 separate issues there. First is that it sounds like you don't spend much time together as a family in the evening. I don't think you have to be doing the same thing all the time but my kids always like to potter around me or we sit together or just generally see a lot of each other until DC's bed time. I could be wrong but it really doesn't sound like you see much of your DC during the week as you are taking yourself back to the office which I don't really understand?

The second issue I can relate to as between work and the DCs dinner family and bed time I feel like I barely leave the house any more. You should absolutely pick a couple of nights a week to do something.

I do. My dd is 9 and I have joined a choir, the gym and one of the days DH rehearses with his band. Friday she goes to brownies and I help out there. You need your own interests and hobbies too.

You're not unreasonable to go out in the evening sometimes but on the face of it making yourself a separate meal and eating it alone while your husband cooks for and eats with the kids, then complaining that you don't get to spend time together and are stuck watching TV in your office, does sound unreasonable.

There’s nothing wrong with you going out for a couple of evenings a week whether your current siloed household dynamic continues or not.

I don’t think it’s too late to get your DC into some hobbies but a screen ban doesn’t do that. You need to be proactive and remove them from the screens to do something else. If they’re doing activities already, there’s no harm in them spending their downtime watching TV or gaming but you could institute a once-a-week board game night or do a family D&D thing or whatever else might catch people’s fancy.

Agree that all having dinner together would be good too. Evening in your house sounds kind of lonely with everyone doing separate things. Do you do family stuff at the weekends?

This is a really good tip, thank you. I'm having similar problems OP!

An evening or two out of the house sounds a good idea, even if it’s a trip
to the cinema or could you meet up with a friend.
I think I would say no gaming in the living room a few nights a week, you could either watch something family friendly or something with your DP.

So are DH, DS and DD all sitting together eating dinner whilst you sit with yours in the other room? That sounds really odd to me.

Making dinner as a family is a great idea. We do that at weekends sometimes but making it a more regular thing during the week would help DCs participate in family activities away from the screen.

I am a veggie and DH eats meat. Dcs used to eat either veggie or meat but DS seems to want more meat now he's older. I used to cook veggie for us all but DH didn't like it and DS started wanting to be like DH and have meat with every meal

I get the kids ready in the morning and make them breakfast. Also pick them up from school and give them After school snack. Love spending time with them but after 8 hours in front of a screen working listening to TV or gaming gives me a headache

I think it’s a great idea to do something out of the house a couple nights a week, it’s modelling the behaviours to your DC

Also an afternoon evening walk is a good idea ask everyone if they want to come with you EVERYTIME… they may not but , you may have times when they go out with you as a family or one to one time with the kids

@Dreamwhisper and @teaandtoastwithmarmite activities alone or together with the kids sound like a nice change from the monotony and a good way to either develop other friendships or spend more quality family time with the kids

Agree with the suggestion, great idea! Hope you find a solution too @BoudiccaVibes

Your children are really, really young for this kind of pattern to have developed already. It's something that families of mid teens and older accidentally fall into, not usually families of such young children.

You're right eating together is the obvious place to start. Cook adaptable meals together or in turns (things like pasta bakes, wraps that you assemble at the table and stir fries work with or without meat, lots of families end up doing two pans/ trays/ pots as long as the majority of the preparation and cooking is the same).

It does sound as though you're the teen in the family and your husband the hands on parent if he's the one cooking for and eating dinner with the children and interacting with at least one in the evening while you cook just for yourself and take your meal off to a room nobody else uses to eat in front of the TV.

If you're unhappy with how things are then you have the power to stop spending your evenings cooking and eating separately.

Doesn't change the fact it's okay for you to go out in the evening sometimes of course!

You could obviously also go out in the early evening with your DD if your DS is gaming with DH.

Remove the tvs from their rooms (they are too young). Eat together. Family board game night.

Remove the tvs from their rooms (they are too young). Eat together. Family board game night.
I think one of the problems is that they don’t have TV in their rooms, while DS is gaming DD has to watch tv in her parents room and the OP is back in her study. The gaming is taking priority in the house.